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Original poster

I've done something really shitty. Should I confess?

101 replies

ShouldIConfess · 05/07/2017 17:53

I have done something that is really immature and shit for a 30 something year old woman, I am feeling really ashamed Blush

To give some back story, I met a man online a few months ago and we dated for 5 months. During this time it was extremely intense, he was extremely complimentary towards me, talked about our future together, saw each other very regularly, I introduced him into my home. We also had sex without a condom which is something I am very meticulous about but I really felt I had a future with this guy (I made sure he showed me proof of an up to date STI test prior to this of course).

It turned out that he had still been going on the dating site in which we met throughout our 'relationship' and had been picking up women for sex. At least 5 that I know of. It seems to be his game that he picks up women on these dating sites and has a string of us on the go at once. When I confronted him about this as he had led me on, as well as putting my sexual health at risk, he rebuffed saying 'well I have to see who is the best shag before I settle don't I?' I found this out 2 weeks ago and didn't talk to him.

So here is the part where I did something really shit. My friend and I were sharing a bottle of wine on Friday evening and I was upset about this whole situation. In our giddy state we made a fake online dating profile using her pictures to lure him in. We then arranged for the two of them to go on a date on the Sunday evening. Come the Sunday evening, he went to the arranged meeting spot and we then messaged him from the profile saying that 'she'd seen him and decided not to approach him as he was far uglier and heavier than his pictures, and he should use more up to date ones to avoid tricking women.' Blush Yes it was immature and I feel really stupid now.

Today he called me out of the blue and told me of the experience he had over the weekend and that it knocked him for six. He told me that he feels terrible for treating me so cruelly as well as the other women, and he is no longer going to do any online dating as his confidence is in tatters and he didn't realise he could feel this shit about himself.

I feel even more terrible for what I have done now. Should I confess and tell him that it was me and my friend? Or keep quiet about it? What he did to me and the other women was really shit but I am generally not a vengeful woman.

OP posts:
ohgoshIdontknow · 05/07/2017 18:11

Good for you, I don't think what you did was that bad - he got what he deserved.

Definitely do not tell him. He will be nicer to other women in future.

JeffVadersMum · 05/07/2017 18:11

So one time he is stood up and called ugly he folds completely?

Total turn around? Sounds a bit like a fairy tale with the vain person shown the errors of their ways

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2017 18:12

Actually the more I think about it , I think he knows. Blokes don't just randomly phone you up and tell you that. Could he have seen her pic before? Is she face book friends with you for example? Do you know for sure he turned up, and could he have seen you?

If someone pulled that on me, I'd think first off " wtf, that's so rude" then I'd think it was a wind up.

wiltingfast · 05/07/2017 18:14

He's almost certainly onto you.

Ignore. IGNORE

charliedontsurf · 05/07/2017 18:14

I think it's hilarious, serves him right. I also think though that he suspects it's you and he's digging to see if you fess up. Never ever tell him it was you!

Justhadmyhaircut · 05/07/2017 18:15

What you did was tame compared to him risking multiple women's sexual health. . . Serves him right. . And if it keeps him off the streets then well done!

Ceebs85 · 05/07/2017 18:15

He knows and he's calling your bluff or trying to. It's too coincidental. Why would he ring you out the blue to tell you?

It hasn't made him change at all. Forget about it and move on c

CashewNut11 · 05/07/2017 18:16

Hums

"... He had it comin'..."

Wink
ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 05/07/2017 18:18

Fairylea that's so cringe worthy I commend you for even admitting that anonymously on the internet Grin

We've all done silly things on social media. I love a bit of online stalking of DP's ex girlfriend Confused

OP I reckon he suspects its you or at least another disgruntled old flame so that's why he rang. You know he's a good liar so could easily poll off the so story.

ijustwannadance · 05/07/2017 18:19

He is a bellend, but you put your own sexual health at risk by choosing not to use condoms.

merville · 05/07/2017 18:20

That's really shitty?

ShouldIconfess, you must be a very sweet person to think that's shitty after what he did and said to you.

littlebird77 · 05/07/2017 18:22

Well done you!! He deserved the lying scumbag!

QuiteLikely5 · 05/07/2017 18:22

I also think he suspects it was you!

Do not fall for his twaddle - you don't suddenly want to stop shagging women just because someone made an unpleasant comment about you!

HipsterHunter · 05/07/2017 18:23

This is one of those things you defo just pretend to yourself never happened. Don't admit to it!

thatstoast · 05/07/2017 18:24

He's probably trying to get back into your knickers as he can't get it elsewhere at the moment.

NellieFiveBellies · 05/07/2017 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snackarella · 05/07/2017 18:28

Ha ha it's called karma and he deserved it! I'm sure you've saved a lot of women a lot of heartache

Original poster
ShouldIConfess · 05/07/2017 18:29

Oh gosh the more I think about it, the more I think that he may well be onto me! Although he did seem very sincere and his voice sounded broken on the phone Blush

I am usually an honest person, in fact a little too honest at times, but the consensus seems to be that I just keep quiet about this one.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 05/07/2017 18:31

I agree with pp that he wonders if it is you/another of the women he has on a string at the moment, and he is fishing to find out if you get a huge guilt trip feel sorry for him and confess.
I think he is disgusting for getting you to have sex without a condom while sleeping with several other women. He has put your health at risk and a bit of a slap to his ego is nothing, in comparison.
Block him and move on.

littlebird77 · 05/07/2017 18:33

Yes keep quiet and let him bloody suffer and if he is on to you...well you can just confirm from all of us he is ugly and hideous and hopefully he can shuffle off somewhere else....

PS Did you not suspect you were with a player when he was able to produce STI tests? If someone asked me that I would be very surprised and just a bit insulted? But I haven't dated for twenty years so what the hell would I know??

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2017 18:34

Although he did seem very sincere and his voice sounded broken on the phone

Then that seals it. He defo knows or strongly suspects. His voice sounded broken? Bullshit he's that hurt. He's totally playing you. He must know you hold a grudge. And as said he may have seen her pic before.

furlinedsheepskinjacket · 05/07/2017 18:34

nah draw a line though

and please tell us what site he was on so we can avoid :)

i reckon he was fishing re the call

GrandDesespoir · 05/07/2017 18:34

No more than he deserved. Don't tell him!

littlebird77 · 05/07/2017 18:34

Oh and OP I think you can do WAY better than this.....really you can!

category12 · 05/07/2017 18:36

I think he's totally onto you.

Look, you fell for his bullshit for months - he's well-practised at it. He's just bullshitting you some more.

No way has he seen the light.