If your husband won money

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed]

Would he tell you?
I'm talking in thousands. Or would he hide it from you?

I'm under no illusion that this may be a one off, I feel this has been going on in secret for sometime.
I don't think the figure has actually sunk in yet! It's ludicrous!
Yes he has access to a few accounts, all in his own name.
I'm going to bring it up tonight.

It would be a good idea if you can to get access to his credit reports. There are three agencies. Check them all as lenders and banks may report to different ones and they all offer free ongoing access although you will need to use MSE's Credit Club to view a free version from Experian. That will give you an idea of how many secret accounts/loans/credit cards there may be and what might be owing on them.

Good luck speed

When it was dh i got my hands on screenshots of all the betting accounts and credit card statements and plastered them on fb to shame the fecker

Lmao well that didnt half out me.. again!

Are you sure £13k has been spent purely on gambling in one month?

That's a hell of a lot of money. Serious problem with even if it is his own money.

Sandy yes it's all on gambling. I've seen the bank statement and he's admitted it.

He hasn't told you because he is going to gamble it away. He needs help.

Has he admitted it and cashed the money back out after your discussion? What happens now?

He really needs help to be gambling that much.

Unless of course £13k to him is like £300 to others.

Having said that it is also about affordability, but online gambling can be terribly addictive. You don't get a sense of spending real money with electronic transfers.

Even after our talk last night it turns out he went back on it and gambled more after I went to bed then he looked at porn (another issue) in our marriage.
I'm sat here in tears.

Op I'm so sorry, virtual hugs to you. Do you have anyone in real life that you could talk to?

So what now? I think its clear he has no intention of stopping so you have to choose between accepting life with a gambling addict or not.

It would seem at this point that gambling is his one priority and you and your relationship a poor second.

If you gave him an ultimatum which would he choose ?

On a practical note (and I am sorry here). I think you need to do what you can to protect your joint assets. This may mean him agreeing to cut up his card, or chaning the joint account to your name only.

If you are to continue this relationship, you must control the money.

TBH I would run for the hills. He's an addict you may end up losing the house - seen it happen a few times before.

Porn and gambling is what matters to him

I'm sorry, OP. It's awful when things like this come to light. I would concur with travail, though. You have to take some practical steps immediately to protect yourself because it doesn't sound as though he has any plans to stop.

Take control of what you can and make sure he can't access your own and family finances and savings. Get rid of as much financial connection with him as you can and whatever you do don't get talked into taking on debt in your own name to bail him out.

Have you got anyone you can talk to IRL? There are also services you can access. Gamcare offer telephone advice for partners as well as addicts and GamAnon is the family side to Gamblers Anonymous.

Thank you all for your support and advice. I'm numb and sad.
Thankfully my savings are completely separate from him and the joint account is not worth touching, we just put money in there to cover the bills etc.
If I gave him an ultimatum I think he would say all the right things but then carry on again a time later. That's been what's happened in the past with other issues.
Looking at it again, it's not even a full months- it's a fraction over 2 weeks!!!
Thank you to the poster who gave the support advice lines- I think I'm going to contact one of them.
I think I will tell my mum, although I don't really want to burden her with this. I'm embarrassed.

@godstopper can I message you? I have a specific question about the betfair site that you may be able to help with.

Jesus, is love to have £12.5k right now. What a reckless way to spend that much money :(

Sure, message away.

He hasn't got a serious gambling problem - he has a serious losing problem and if he's not careful he's going to lose you

He'd tell me.

And we'd probably put it in our retirement fund!

Up to about 500 quid DW or I would just keep it and treat ourselves to something - no need to mention it.

Up to about 1500 quid, we'd mention it and probably use it for a mini-break.

Any more, and it would be invested.

Hope you're ok Op