If your husband won money

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed]

Would he tell you?
I'm talking in thousands. Or would he hide it from you?

If the OP has access to the account there should be a page that shows his history so deposits, bets, outcomes etc.

Do you have a desk or laptop? Might be easier to log in on that instead as I find many sites easier to navigate than on a phone, I cant use the MN mobile site for example.

Oh crikey - OP I hope you manage to get to the bottom of it

Before you confront him would it be worth snooping around some more...he's unlikely to have just used one betting site.

I'm a regular user of Betfair (but for matched betting!). Simply go to my account > account statement, or do my account > profit and loss (then select the time period you want). I do hope things are not as grim as they appear.

Hollybooboo I hadn't considered that 😕 I'm going to try dig around tomorrow and over the weekend.
This could well be the last straw for me. We have a very young child together.

Godstopper thank you for that. I will take another look tomorrow.

Heard an ex gambler say once that if his dw asked him for money he would say he had none. Even when his wallet was full of money. But that was his betting money and nothing to do with his wife.

Sorry if I am being the voice of doom but I divorced a gambler who fled the country owing a total of £250,000 to every bank, friend, pay day loan shark etc so have experience.

Clearly I hope your situation is nowhere near as bad as that!

I just don't understand how they can let it get so out of hand! Surely when it reaches a few thousand you say to yourself, shit enough is enough I have to stop now.

Because it's an addiction! It's like saying why doesn't an alcoholic just say no to the next glass of wine.

Because they think that they can win it back.

The thought process isnt "Oh shit, I have lost £2k, enough" its "Oh shit, I have lost £2k but if I bet x on that and y on that then I will win it back" and occasionally they do, but then they bet again thinking they can win more because they are on a roll.......

Its horrible. A friend of mine ended up in prison for stealing £50k from his employers to fund his gambling addiction. The first time he stole £20k odd and they actually let him keep his job and pay it back out of his wages. He sought help and all was good. Then 10 years or so later he did it again and this time of course they had to involve the police. In his head it wasnt stealing, he was just borrowing the money and when he won he would pay it back. But he didnt win so he had to "borrow" a bit more...... If you met him you wouldnt believe it for one second, none of us could get our heads around it when it happen and tbh even now I cannot quite square up the man I know with what he did.

Its a sickness and one that need professional help to overcome.

My DP used to gamble. He won tens of thousands.......he also spent all of the winnings and more than that and certainly never stopped when he was up. If he had a big win/few wins he would save it in the account to bet bigger with next time. Then when he lost he would add more money and the cycle started again.

He kept mainly to one site and realised he had a problem before it got too out of hand but he was sneaky about it and is still quite cagey about it all now. I certainly wouldn't trust him if he started placing bets again.

It's really common, they loose rational thought, the big one is just round the corner

I hope you get some answers.

I have a bet365 account and total deposits on there mean amount I've put in to bet and the amount won. So hopefully £12k is largely made up for winnings. Its a huge amount though and it does point to an issue that needs addressing.

Hoping you find the answers you're looking for OP.

So I got hold of the bank statement- he's spent over £13,000 over the last month. It's one of his personal accounts (not joint).
Part of me thinks it's his money if he wants to be a fool and gamble but another part of me is horrified that he could be so reckless and I'm questioning so many things in our marriage as it is.

Do you think it has been only been going on for a month? Or is that just the period you have been able to get statements for?

These are massive warning flags waving right at a gambling addiction, OP. He hasn't told you about the win because it's reserved for more gambling.

Dig deeper and do it quickly. A gambler can spend thousands upon thousands in a matter of minutes and justify every single penny in their own minds. They can and do bring everyone around down with them. The total deposits may very well be just the tip of the iceberg.

@mysticpizza there is no win it's all spends.

OP I am aghast that you clearly have enough money that £13k being spent on gambling isn't really bothering you! I'm big enough to admit that there's some jealousy on my part

I don't know much about gamblers but that's a lot of money and there is a strong possibility that once his money is gone he'll start on family money, I would suspect.

@Tazerface There will have been 'wins' in the account at some point, very likely fairly substantial. The games are deliberately designed to keep the punter playing. 'Winning' is built in to the design but it is made very much harder to withdraw from an account with a bookie than it is to place a deposit. The bookies know that a very substantial proportion of their punters will go on to use the balances in their accounts for further play rather than withdraw it. It's effectively a temporary loan they know will be repaid. Probably with 'interest' comprising deposits of the punter's own money as they chase their losses.

Really feel for you, has he got access to other money? Credit cards for example?

Oh God, Speed that's awful.

I suppose it's reassuring that £13k isn't upsetting you inasmuch as he's not taking food from your mouth, but where do you go from here? Can you talk to him about it? Is gambling something he's mentioned doing before, even lower amounts?