Emotionally abusive husband alienating my children

[Anon4004]

Hi,
I'm new to mumnet and its taken a lot of courage for me to post here, but I need help. I told my emotionally abusive husband (who I've been with for over 20 years) 2 months ago that I want to separate as I can't live with him anymore. We have two children under 10 and he is doing his best to poison them against me, manipulate and intimadate them, and it appears to be working. He is making my life hell, refusing to work or give me any money, while I work full time trying to keep it all together and pay for everything.He also takes the children out any chance he gets when I'm home, so even on my 2 days off I don't get to do anything with them as it's more and more difficult to get them to come with me because he stands there looking intimadating when they go to get into my car.
He told me he will destroy me and I'll be left with nothing and also told my children in front of me that I am splitting up the family because I'm not happy but that daddy doesn't want that. He had them sleeping in with him for weeks after I told him I wanted us to separate, calling it the family bed!!(Another way to exclude me) As a result of this their routine is all over the place and their behaviour towards me has deteriorated.
In a nutshell he's alienating my beautiful children from me, and there appears to be nothing I can do about it.
I have enslisted a solicitor, but she tells me theres nothing I can do until we are separated a year(we are in separate rooms nearly 3 months).
I just need to know what other peoples experiences have been, and how they coped/got out.
My mental health and that of my children is suffering , and they have no idea what daddy is actually doing.
Thank you.

Thinking of you too Anon. Keeping everything crossed for you. Stay strong and stay safe.

How are things?

Hi,

I'm ok thanks, just plodding along. He won't agree to an access agreement as we're both living together still and has denied all accusations through his solicitor, he has dialled back his behaviour with me a tad,and I'm managing to get the kids out on my own a bit, but just want this over at this stage, it's so distressing, and I want my babies on my own for more then a few hours at a time,
x

Glad you're getting more time with them. Sounds like such a difficult situation to be living in, but it won't be like this forever. Well done, keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hang in there. Small steps.

OP, be strong. The law will come through for you, don't worry. They and your children will see him for what he is, you just need to hang on a little longer.

Your children love you unconditionally, any withdrawal has been due to their father's influence and they fear, unlike you, he will love them less if they don't obey. Abusers in the home are worse than any other kind but you can't let him win. For your children and yourself, keeping fighting and keep strong.

You are not alone and you are not week.

Hugs x

Just seen this thread. You're doing brilliantly! Don't let the (crazy) bastard grind you down

Thanks again for your support guys, some days are really hard and I feel like I'm in a living hell, other days I'm strong and feel like I can do this. , but have to keep going for my babies.

x

Hey Anon, just to say I'm thinking of you. Stay strong!

Hi,
Feeling really bad today, just wondering how you to cope when going through this, what did you guys do(or are currently doing)? Some days it's just so hard to keep fighting, although I know it's what I must do, as I'll never give up on my babies. The whole process is so mentally draining, I'm constantly exhausted, and suffocating in his presence 24/7 in the house. Don't mean to be a moan, just having a tough few days at the minute, I know I just need to pull myslef up again and keep strong,
TIA,
x

I'm thinking of you too and hope you can get out of this nightmare as soon as possible.

Can you say how soon you might be able to either get him out or leave yourself? Do you rent or own?

Oh Anon, poor you. I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but didn't want to read and run. Still here, still rooting for you - hang on in there, you are amazing

Of course you'll have bad days - anyone would in this situation. It's a marathon, not a sprint - you need to be very kind to yourself at the moment, and find little ways to treat yourself and look after yourself.

Can't remember if you said - have you any friends or family IRL that can support you? I know you have professionals involved (solicitor, police) but RL relationships matter too. No shame if not - partners like you the one you have specialise in isolating the other person. Can you reach out to anyone?

Mumsnet is where you come to have a moan and let it all out - no need to apologise for having a moan.
Keep strong for your dc. In time they will come to realise what an abusive arsehole your oh is and will thank you for fighting for them.

Hey,

Thanks guys. I have very good friends and family who would move the earth for me, I'm lucky that way. It's just the day to day stuff with him being there the whole time. You're right @bibliomania I need to remember its a marathon, although I wish it was a sprint! Just keep swimming as Dory would say,lol!
xx