Emotionally abusive husband alienating my children

[Anon4004]

Hi,
I'm new to mumnet and its taken a lot of courage for me to post here, but I need help. I told my emotionally abusive husband (who I've been with for over 20 years) 2 months ago that I want to separate as I can't live with him anymore. We have two children under 10 and he is doing his best to poison them against me, manipulate and intimadate them, and it appears to be working. He is making my life hell, refusing to work or give me any money, while I work full time trying to keep it all together and pay for everything.He also takes the children out any chance he gets when I'm home, so even on my 2 days off I don't get to do anything with them as it's more and more difficult to get them to come with me because he stands there looking intimadating when they go to get into my car.
He told me he will destroy me and I'll be left with nothing and also told my children in front of me that I am splitting up the family because I'm not happy but that daddy doesn't want that. He had them sleeping in with him for weeks after I told him I wanted us to separate, calling it the family bed!!(Another way to exclude me) As a result of this their routine is all over the place and their behaviour towards me has deteriorated.
In a nutshell he's alienating my beautiful children from me, and there appears to be nothing I can do about it.
I have enslisted a solicitor, but she tells me theres nothing I can do until we are separated a year(we are in separate rooms nearly 3 months).
I just need to know what other peoples experiences have been, and how they coped/got out.
My mental health and that of my children is suffering , and they have no idea what daddy is actually doing.
Thank you.

OP good luck, please update us when you can and when it is safe. Especially when you are free. Please take kids, once you are gone they will feel so much better and you will.

Hope solicitor was helpful.

Unfortunately he has the children's passports and our laptop containing all the photos licked in his room . He's keeps it locked all the time since I advised I wanted to separate 😔

Please ask women's aid. It may well be illegal for him to do that. It's your house too.

Locksmith?
Can you access the photos on iCloud or hard drive?
Break a window if you own/jointly own the property?

Desperate measures.
Cut a hole in the door with a jigsaw?
What a bastard.

Honestly, just get yourself and the dcs out to a safe place. Once you're out, you can deal with the other things.

Passports - get legal advice, but I would expect you could get a court order requiring him to hand them over. (If you think he's about to take them out of the country, you can contact the police asking for an All Ports Alert).

Photos - I lost all dd's baby photos to my ex, but I've been able to get some back from Facebook and photos I'd sent to family, and in all honesty, I prefer the photos I've taken with dd since we left anyway.

Don't let this stuff get in your way. The priority is to get you and dcs out.

Thanks guys, yep, i'm going to focus on my priority which is getting out. I've sought legal advice re locking of the room , and I can't do anything there, but I'll deal with it afterwards. Thanks again for all the support, it's helping more then you know,x

Good luck, OP. Thinking of you.

Good luck

Rooting for you, OP. So much luck to you, stay strong.

Please do not leave without them. As others have said. Talk to women's aid or local organisation, they are fab. You possibly have kept this a secret from friends but I do recommend confiding in one or two - what's the worst that can happen? You will probably find as I did that they bend over backwards to help.

Passports - do you have the numbers? You can declare them lost and get new ones!
Photos - well you have the memories. Police will also escort you to collect possessions.

If this was me, I'd resign and prioritise fighting for my DC.

Graceflorrick (great name) "If this was me, I'd resign and prioritise fighting for my DC."

I kind of agree although you may need to work out your notice which could be hard. Could you speak to your boss and find a way to negotiate a sabbatical or whatever.

If your kids are school age and you relocate near enough to work you could work school hours, and this may be preferable to your boss than you just leaving. But I would prioritise the children 100%.

Personally I wouldn't resign because being to provide for your dcs is very important after you've left. When I was in a similar situation, I was able to use a chunk of my annual leave just to get things sorted.

I am just wondering if it would be helpful to go to the Police? If your husband has locked your passports away that is totally unacceptable. He is effectively keeping you prisoner in your own home.

Hi guys,

Just looking into a few options at the minute, will let you know how I get on, thanks , x

Keep on keeping on OP

Please keep on checking in, I'm sure I'm not the only one who is wondering how you're doing

Thinking of you, OP.

When I read stuff like this, I wish I was a hit man .

Your husband is behaving disgustingly. The doting dad act is emotional manipulation designed to upset you and I bet the mask slips the moment you're not there to witness it.

My thoughts are with you OP. Be strong .

We are all rooting for you OP.

Hope youre ok op

Hi everyone, im ok thanks so much. Got a lot of advice from the police over the last few days, know how to do what I need to do. I'll check in soon, thank u for all your support, x