Men in the military

[Nowaynowjose]

Specifically the navy. Which has a certain reputation for laddish behaviour.
Does anyone know to what extent the officers join in with that behaviour (drunk, playing away etc). Probably not mixing with the lower ranks, so as to set a good example (I imagine) . But has anyone any knowledge about the typical extent of this, either first or second hand? Obviously I won't get the full story straight from the horse's mouth.

It really does depend on the person

My bil was high ranking and pretty tee total.

Dh works around the navy as does fil and I live in a naval place. It can get very drunk and disorderly. But rank wise... it's pretty mixed.

And of course there are thousands of happy military couples/families but don't let that get in the way of a good tawdry tale will you!
Nope, because I'm sure most couples where one discovered their partner was a cheat were happy before the discovery. Which are possibly thousands more. And (given the comments on here), possibly even more than this who haven't found out at all. Look at all the threads on here where (usually woman) didn't suspect a thing. Whereas I KNOW OH has previously been capable of cheating, and my question revolved around the enabling nature of this particular career, and the specific assertion being made by him regarding officers vs ratings. Not being in a position to ask the wardroom and get a genuine honest answer, I asked for experience on here... I'm not after a tawdry tale, wanted to know if his assertion was likely to be true. The tawdry bit has come from the majority of replies!
If about 50% (or whatever it is) of men are supposed to have cheated, it seems obvious that the majority who haven't been caught are in positions which make it easy ( if the motive or temptation are there). Like a military one, where you can be away from home for months, without decent communications.

military folk aren't one mass homogeneous group, it's made up of a diverse section of our society; men, woman, Christians, Muslims, Sikhs, atheists, black, white and brown, just like our society in general anyone could be a cheater, if you want to discourage your DD from being involved with a military bloke that's your prerogative but don't make it about cheating, that's just weak.

I think you are wrong hatties , bookish DH with his books and his PhD must have been one of the drunken cheating lads when away from home - this thread says so. If only I had asked mnet all those years ago!

You want to be sarcastic to me for asking for an opinion, fine. I know military folk aren't one mass group and don't all cheat. That is not what I asked. Apparently the finer points of my query have escaped you.

And I wouldn't encourage dd because it is already difficult to be a spouse to someone in a career such as this one, let alone which has a seemingly well deserved reputation for a high proportion of cheating.

Barchester

I know I've seen the folly of my ways now- of course a few posters bad experiences ought to trump my own and that of everyone I know, we are wrong dammit!

Hatties - DH took a 5 inch thick book on calculus on our Italian honeymoon, maths, cycling and engineering leave no time for wine, women and song .

But that was essentially what you were asking wasn't it?!
Anyway sorry for the short shrift, I actually gave you a sensible reply about trust early on but as the thread went on it seemed very much that you were only interested in posters bad experiences, and not the positive ones.

The fact you have said there is a 'well deserved reputation for cheating' shows that you very much do see the military as one homogeneous group!
If you would like to see a balanced view (and it does include the good and the bad) about having a partner in the forces then check out www.rearparty.co.uk.

Barchester ah now this is where I got it wrong when DH was off doing his hospital placements he told me one of the modules was wine, women and song!

but as the thread went on it seemed very much that you were only interested in posters bad experiences, and not the positive ones.
Not at all. But from the pp who had actual experience, rather than just commenting on trust or cheating in general, the vast majority were negative.

Yes but mumsnet is not representative of forces families, why don't you post this on the forces thread and see if you get some different views? (Or checkout the rearparty website).

Of course they were, in your eyes, anyone who trusted their DH was brushed off as a fool who didn't know the whole deal.

This thread has always been about your cheating OH who you do not trust, nothing else.

And fwiw my experience of military life (been with DH for 12 years and he's been in for 18 , we have lived on numerous patches ) cheating is not the norm, much like civvy street I imagine.

Hattie because the forces thread has a tiny amount of traffic. I agree that it would be more representative, but I don't think many ppl actually read it that much.

This thread has always been about your cheating OH who you do not trust, nothing else.
Yes, it's about what he said, which I asked opinions on, and received.

Of course they were, in your eyes, anyone who trusted their DH was brushed off as a fool who didn't know the whole deal
Have I said this? No. Don't assume you know what I think,just because the majority of comments disagree with you.

Yes but mumsnet is not representative of forces families

On this thread almost everyone who has posted is or has been in the forces or is married to someone who is.

I thought there were also a lot of posters taking about 'someone they know' rather than themselves being military/partner. Do you think the OP would have gotten a different answer on the forces thread?

And OP ultimately if your instinct is telling you to steer clear from this guy then trust your instinct.