Men in the military

[Nowaynowjose]

Specifically the navy. Which has a certain reputation for laddish behaviour.
Does anyone know to what extent the officers join in with that behaviour (drunk, playing away etc). Probably not mixing with the lower ranks, so as to set a good example (I imagine) . But has anyone any knowledge about the typical extent of this, either first or second hand? Obviously I won't get the full story straight from the horse's mouth.

DH was in the navy years ago, his marriage broke down but not due to his cheating (he was faithful). One thing that really impacted on the breakdown was him being at sea so long, it can be really tough if you are the partner left at home and having an enforced 'stop/go' relationship.

Lived on RAF camp for 7 years , which included Navy, Army & marines - I was civilian. You are not going to like what I have to say here..... Biggest shaggers on the planet! Knew a few lads that were faithful but this was rare. It put me off dating Military lads that's for sure.

DP was a Major in Army.
Started as a soldier.
The only difference his rank made was for his discretion to improve.

Cheats cheat. The military (by its nature) is somewhere cheats thrive.

Christ I'm depressed now

There are plenty that don't cheat. It's funny - my husband was more concerned about me cheating when we first got together after what he had seen female officers get up to. Once we got to know each other and he asked around about me , he got that I wasn't the type to cheat

Military cheats have an inbuilt advantage of secrecy that comes with the job.
The higher the rank the higher the secrecy the more opportunity they get.

You won't be building trust if it's on shaky ground already.
Is it worth wasting years doubting yourself?
bitter experience

Sat here discussing with my husband. He thinks there are more that don't cheat than cheat. But he also. Says he thinks that officers are just as badly behaved.

Yeah, so having been given the benefit of the doubt once, telling me that officers don't really do that kind of thing looks like a bit of intentional misdirection.

I've lived in various officers mess and they are exactly the same as squaddies.
Females and males.

In fact one of the ones I can remember clearly was a female officer, Leuchars air base.
Her DH dropped her off Sunday evenings.
She would wave goodbye and walk to the other side of camp to meet her groundsman.
Her rooms were on the same floor as ours so we got to endure the reunion.

Most of the naval officers I know (and we live in area where there are lots) are faithful, loving spouses who work extra hard at maintaining their marriages. Most are less inclined to go clubbing and drinking and more inclined to sport or country pursuits.
The youngsters can be slightly wild when together but rapidly grow out of the wardroom shenanigans. They want a stable family life as much as the next person. I'm sure some cheatbas they do in all walks of life; I'm sure officers are no different to ratings in this respect.

This isn't about the navy is it OP, it's about one bloke?

I suppose the problem is the nature of the job.

Far less likely to need to guard a phone or 'work late' or go and help a mate and disappear for several hours etc

Ie can cheat at will without their spouse having the slightes idea.

Of course cheats will cheat, but in these types of job it can go on undetected for decades!

That's my take on it marbles.
Tatiana, it concerns one bloke in that environment, who is trying to convince me there is a difference in behaviour (regarding cheating) between officers and ratings (mostly younger ones). Having been on a number of different deployments and bases over the years, he still maintains that. Which is not what the majority commenting on here have experienced. So does this sound like deliberate misdirection?

No it's his own experience. In truth younger ratings probably are more inclined to 'put it about'. There is a much higher behavioural code for officers even down to how they dress when off duty. I suspect ratings are more likely to cheat. Officers working on deployment do up to a 20 hour day split into watches and don't get much time to cheat.

It's difficult to know whether he's trying to set your mind at rest or covering something up.

Has he ever cheated before?

Debatable. I think he might have, but he has denied it.

Sorry to say I agree that cheating is rife in the military. Whilst there are opportunities in other professions, part of military life is being away and going out for socials. Alcohol and available rooms often result in promiscuity.

When I was in there was the mantra 'what goes on tour stays on tour'. Many people had a spouse at home and op tour boyfriend/girlfriend. Spouses were none the wiser because there was a wall of silence to enable each other. A lot seemed to compartmentalise their lives.

Sorry crumbs but I've seen officers and ratings behave exactly the same way, despite the higher code of conduct.

Those 20 hour days you talk about still present opportunities. I've seen it in Iraq and Afghanistan. From senior ranks down to squaddies.

Ex is in the Navy. Serial adulterer.

Go with your gut. If you think he's cheated maybe he has.

In that context his claim about officers looks to be meant to pull the wool.

I think there is more opportunity to cheat when in the military. Because they are away so often you have to just trust them, but to be honest, if they did it would be very easy for them to hide, and therefore you would never know.
I know there are lots of deployed men cheating whilst their wives are at home, but equally there are a lot of wives playing away whilst heir husbands are deployed.
A cheat will cheat regardless of being in the military.

Perhaps. In my limited personal experience, the only ones I have known to have cheated are men.

Both DH, DS1 and BIL are serving. It's not just junior ranks who cheat, and officers' behaviour is not better than anyone else's.

It's not their jobs that make them cheat, though, it's their lack of integrity.

My dad was an officer. He had so many affairs he eventually got a dishonourable discharge as he even brought a woman on board a ship in service. He is a dick.

nags, sorry to hear that. At least they caught him and gave him the boot.