Men in the military

[Nowaynowjose]

Specifically the navy. Which has a certain reputation for laddish behaviour.
Does anyone know to what extent the officers join in with that behaviour (drunk, playing away etc). Probably not mixing with the lower ranks, so as to set a good example (I imagine) . But has anyone any knowledge about the typical extent of this, either first or second hand? Obviously I won't get the full story straight from the horse's mouth.

My dh knows a bloke who, whilst on a 6 month det in the US, got himself an American girlfriend and even moved in with her. The American gf knew nothing about his wife & kids waiting patiently for him at home...ok his dw wasn't waiting patiently she was working her way through the entire SQN but that's besides the point.
Its rife on every camp I've lived on (9 of them) and I'm thankful I don't live on camp anymore so I'm no longer dragged into someone else's extra marital issues.

My husbands a major in the army, and I have been with him since he left Sandhurst.

Blame the person not the job!

Not ever man in the military cheats, I know plenty of army and naval officers for that matter that are more than happy to stick by their morals!

TBF there are less officers than junior rates, so statistically there's always going to be more junior rates cheating than officers.
My DH was an NCO in the Navy and I know of at least 5 people of the same rank (WO) that were serial cheaters on his last ship.

I think that the enforced distance away and the massively boozy lifestyle that is almost encouraged in the Navy doesn't help TBH.

"If you want a good run ashore, follow the married men."

Old Navy saying.

My ex husband is Army. Lived apart for eight years - split up due to various reasons; he joined when we were 18. Few issues at the start with his "new found freedom" ie random women messaging me on Facebook, joining up to an online dating thing

Silly me overlooked it. I stayed at home in NI to work and have our DS. When I was no longer pregnant - he refused to handle my nights out, he didn't trust me, tried to hack my Facebook, fought with me physically one night to get my phone off me - funnily enough, if he'd asked I'd have handed it over. The classic tale of the cheat getting paranoid

Anyway - I know a lot of AF men - some absolutely lovely, some absolute menaces to society. It's about the man; not the occupation - good luck with whatever you do

My DH was in the Navy 12 years. Some cheated, some didn't, some used prostitutes, some didn't. I don't think tank has anything to do with it. DH asked whether they are on a small or large ship as tends to be more 'mixing' on a small ship. DH used to tell me all about the carry ons and I just trusted him really...

That must be it then , those of us who trust/have trusted are obviously all blind fools.

DH was a CO for the last decade or so of his career. I met so many lovely (mostly) men and their families through him over a very long period of time. Most of the men who worked with DH absolutely adored their wives and families and hated being away from them.

They should obviously all be looking for work in the theatre on retirement because they are bloody good actors.

This thread is about a cheat, cheats cheat anywhere given the opportunity. His chosen career gives him more opportunities that a 9-5 local job, one where he is expected home at 5:15 every night, but then so would any job where he got to spend the night away from home. Who would want to keep tabs on a cheat whatever job they were doing, not I.

A former friend of mine was a cheat, a female scientist, she met her flame at lunchtime three days a week and returned home to her husband at 5:15........

Trust, respect, and integrity were missing there too.

I was once seeing a man in the Royal Marines. He rang me every day whilst away and came to see me as much as he could whilst back. I think we had one period of being apart for about 4 weeks but otherwise we would spend at least one weekend out of two together and he'd stay with me for a few days during the week too etc.

I never once doubted his faithfulness to me.

Nine months into the relationship I found out he was cheating....not on me, but with me!!! I learnt that he was actually married!!

He said that a LOT of men in the Forces (all branches) cheat on their partners, be it one night stands or having full blown affairs.

barchester I'm not casting disruptions on you relationship but I personally know two COs who were serial cheats despite being actually very lovely socially.

One was on deployment who was having multiple affairs, was eventually caught and discharged from the army. Occupied a senior staff position responsible for maintaining discipline.

Second was a very senior officer who was a really lovely guy and whose wife was really nice. He seemingly adored his wife.His mistress was on a training course with me. He was notorious for being 'a lad'.

I'm sure part of it is motivation but theven military presents opportunity.

OP having a solid long term relationship with someone in the forces requires absolute trust from both parties-if it's not there then I think you should cut your losses and move on.

That should be dispersions not disruption! Auto correct strikes again

So what? People are people, cheats cheat all over the world. For every example of a cheat I could give an example of a good person, in the military, in other fields.

DH is away at a conference right now, do you think he is cheating In his new career field?? I hadn't thought of that.

After all my non military my friend did, her beau was a rather eminent scientist. So, I actually know more scientists who have cheated than military personnel.

Should I be worried ???

All because a rather insecure OP posted about her cheating other half who she no longer trusts who just happens to be in one of the armed forces.

I think not.

Deployments abroad=trip to local prostitutes=Subsequent attendances for HIV prophylaxis. Booze/long periods without sex plus no risk of being found out makes all sorts of folks cheat. You can't tell from looking at them or general behaviour which ones will or won't.. Wouldn't touch a military guy with a bargepole.

It's interesting how many posters say that they know the husband wouldn't cheat.

Dot you really not think that the wives of the cheaters think this too?

It's the type drawn to that career who seem quite laddish and entitled so yes, do seem to cheat more than Bill in Boots.

Live where lots of Marines - seems quite rife.

I have an old friend (old as we don't talk anymore) who goes looking for Marines.

It's quite sad really. Unless you can be faithful, why not just be single?

I'm not saying you should be worried, as I said I'm not commenting on your situation at all. I'm simply responding to your point about judging people on social interactions.

I'm in the business world now, a lot of travelling and events involved. There are certainly people who cheat but it seems to be done in secrecy rather than as blatantly as it is in the forces. Just my experience though. I'm sure others have different ones.

In December 2013 there were 160,000 members of the armed forces on active duty, this thread has all married members down as liars and cheats.

All military spouses are clearly dumb. Flipping heck, and thought I was quite smart as well.

OP it seems the problem is that you don't trust your DP. Do you really want to live like this?

Thanks for the responses. The question I asked in OP was whether officers in the navy were just as likely to cheat as ratings. The overwhelming majority who responded to the question with personal knowledge said yes. (All bar one, I think.) Which casts serious doubt on the insistence of OH that not that many officers cheat while away. Maybe he was being clever with his words, and should have said ' because proportionally there are much fewer officers ', but it still stands that a large number of ppl in the know say they're no better. Even the married ones.

Dancingwiththedevil - just yes to the cheat getting paranoid signs! Funnily enough all of those things you mentioned happened to me. And I didn't think for one second my ex fiancé was cheating on me. Turns out he dumped me by text (didn't have the balls to do it to my face obviously) and then got with the girls he cheated on me with 2 weeks later.
Not all military men cheat. Some are good eggs, But a whole lot do. It's too easy to get away with cheating, that's why they do it. I know lots of military wives who's husbands have cheated on them.
I (unknowingly) slept with 4 married men - found out they were married later on. One was a WO (Warrant Officer)
That's my experience of the Army anyway. I can't talk for Navy coz I wasn't In the Navy, and wasn't ever on detachment or ops with them etc. But I'd place my bets on it being the same whatever the service.

OP you need to either trust him or let him go. You can live like that, doubting him all the time. As I say NOT ALL of military cheat, and it would be wrong of me to say otherwise.

He's making excuses OP.

When I met my husband, almost 25 years ago, he never once said to me "don't worry about blokes in the RAF cheating, and anyhow the officers are more likely to cheat than the junior ranks" because he didn't need to try to convince me that he would be faithful. I trusted him, I still do. And I don't believe he would cheat and I don't for one minute think he has.

Ima - it's absolutely shocking what that man subjected me to; it got to the point where he was timing me nipping to the shop and checking the mileage on my car. So I can only imagine that he was getting a quick shag during his trips to Waitrose in Windsor 😂

We are actually alright now, he's a good dad and we can have a cup of tea..but fuck me, Army life was not for me. And of course it was all my fault for not moving over - we married at 20, starting the final year of my degree and I got offered a government job on completion - and in NI you don't turn that opportunity and money down

Some lovely men out there but once bitten twice shy - and the uniform does absolutely fuck all for me these days 😂

Living in the Falklands we have all services here. I'm sure not all men cheat but by the way they behave when out and about it sure seems like they do! I always used to check for tan lines on the ring finger. Now I'm a tad older I just wouldnt date a military guy because of what Ive seen them get up to here.
Definitely a culture of 'what goes on tour stays on tour' amongst all services I would say.

Now I'm a tad older I just wouldnt date a military guy because of what Ive seen them get up to here.
I'm definitely telling my DD to steer clear!

And of course there are thousands of happy military couples/families but don't let that get in the way of a good tawdry tale will you!