Men in the military

[Nowaynowjose]

Specifically the navy. Which has a certain reputation for laddish behaviour.
Does anyone know to what extent the officers join in with that behaviour (drunk, playing away etc). Probably not mixing with the lower ranks, so as to set a good example (I imagine) . But has anyone any knowledge about the typical extent of this, either first or second hand? Obviously I won't get the full story straight from the horse's mouth.

I was a teacher and some of the senior staff were serious players. At school trips, events etc. there was all kinds of goings on. Many people are opportunistic adulterers and used these times away to play away.

However, I never cheated and neither did many others. I suspect that for opportunists, military life offers up said opportunities. My DH told me about colleagues who tried it on with him and other folk on business trips. Depends on the people and their choices not the occupation. Adultery is rife everywhere not just military.

I know there are lots of deployed men cheating whilst their wives are at home, but equally there are a lot of wives playing away whilst heir husbands are deployed.
Yes, it tends to be tit for tat in my experience. DP would never cheat no matter what his job and neither me on him, but there's no room for mistrust in a military relationship, it will break it down from the inside out. If I thought he was having an affair, he most likely would be and I would end it.

there's no room for mistrust in a military relationship

by the bucketload, enforced time apart and one half of the partnership dealing with life alone is more than enough for most folk to contend with.

Lots of assumptions thrown around on this thread. Some people rarely drink, DH can only hold two drinks despite being 6'3". Was always more likely to be found in his bed drinking coffee and reading something on applied thermodynamics than in a pub.

This has nothing to do with 'military', nothing to do with rank and everything to do with the person.

My boyfriend is an officer. His role means he's unlikely to be deployed abroad. He hardly drinks either!

If a man or woman wants to cheat they will do, irrespective of job.

Going by this thread, everyone who has a husband in the armed forces insists it's rare & everyone who has direct experience of the armed forces insists it's rife. I know who I'd trust more.

Actually pushing, most wives posting have said it's rife, but not everyone does. I believe a majority do, but I know my husband isn't one of them.

Pushing, my DH is forces and i posted that its rife too

Oh and Ryan, I'm fairly sure my DH wouldn't eaither, but I don't see how i could ever know for sure- what makes you so certain you know he doesn't? Not goady, I'm genuinely interested.

That is probably because those with husbands (who are still husbands) are sure of their husband's integrity. Their friends are likely to be similar, hence they are friends.

I worked away 2-3 days a week in the first few years of our marriage, flights, swish hotels, everything on expenses. I would have thought that was a much nicer option, shagging about in posh hotels with all expenses paid, vs a tent in the Middle East. Still, I resisted, or should I say, was never tempted.

This has nothing to do with 'military', nothing to do with rank and everything to do with the person.
It has a LOT to do with the opportunities being in the military provide.

And navy generally isn't in a tent in the middle east. It IS plenty of swish hotels and bars on every run ashore.

I disagree, someone who respects you enough to want to commit and is mature enough to keep his pants on wouldn't be interested in those opportunities.

I fail to see why you are putting yourself through this to be honest Now.

Just it's completely against his moral code, he is a good person through and through. I am 100% sure he would leave me before cheating. He couldn't live with himself. I think if you met my DP you could understand, he is a good egg through and through. Too good for me.

You never know though, I might be posting in ten years calling him a bastard. Surely that goes for anyone in any kind of relationship though? I'm confident so far. I would put money on it. Hopefully I'm never proven wrong. People seem to get this smug kick out of saying "I never thought mine would either." I feel for you and get where you are coming from, but that was your relationship, not everyone is your partner.

And no, it isn't down to the military whether they cheat. If he was going to cheat he'd do it no matter what his profession.

Apologies, I thought you said your DH had cheated. I don't really get your point then - surely you trust your husband as I trust mine? I would honestly be completely blindsided if he did. I have 100% trust or we wouldn't work, we have enough to deal with.

As for the 'how do you know they won't cheat question' I guess as with everything in life there is never 100% certainty but I know my husband and I know he fundamentally disagrees with cheating. I know he verbally doesn't understand why people cheat in the navy. But I also know he is pretty shy. The night we hooked up he didn't even kiss me until we were back at his mates flat. He has and excellent reputation. I was the first person in he navy he has hooked up with and he has been in 8 years already. He has always viewed runs ashore as a night out with his mates and not an opportunity to try and pull.

The Ines who tend to cheat, by and large (and this isn't definitive) but they tend to be loud and cocky. Full of themselves etc. Think themselves a ladies man. My husband couldn't be further from this. Plus i am confident in his love for me and his children.

I was in the Army, recently got out. Don't be fooled by a Officers rank! They get up to it just as much as the other ranks do! When I was in Poland one of the Officers got caught in the Brothel out there, he was married. When I was in Afghan some of the lower & higher ranks married & single were shagging all the medics. Married women soldiers cheating too. It's rife in the military, but doesn't go to say that every military person does it. Truth is it happens in the Military world as it does in the Civilian world. Cheating happens everywhere. Not just in the military. The question you need to ask yourself is if you trust him or not.

barchester I didn't choose to put myself through this. I know (albeit a while ago) at one point he planned on taking his pants off. Because he was bored and thought the grass was greener, apparently. Only his word he didn't. We got over it. Recently hes done all the drinking etc while away, practically forgot about me and the kids. Different to before. And of course, he'll be away again... So I wondered how accurate his protestations were. Hence the post.

But comes back to the point, most people trust their partners 100%. For most partners serial adultery over a period of years is very difficult, if not impossible to keep hidden and will likely end the marriage. Someone in the military is not taking that risk. For the spouse ignorance is bliss. For whats its worth I trust my partner 100% but I would never, ever say she wouldnt cheat!!

But why would you 100% trust someone who had taken steps to cheat previously? He can't prove he didn't do it.
The claim he made doesn't appear to be accurate from comments on here. So not exactly trying to be 100% trustworthy in difficult circumstances.

If you can't trust him, why are you together? Take his job out if the equation. If you think he's taken steps to shag about in the past and you think he'll do it again in the future of the opportunity presents itself, is the trust and faith not dead?

You've heard of gangsters paradise right?

Well the navy is cheaters paradise

If he's done it before he'll do it again and potentially go through with it.

Any personal evidence of that quite, or is it just a snappy soundbite?

DH is an Officer, RN and still serving.

He's got ample opportunity to cheat and doesn't.

Being Military has got sweet FA to do with it.

Once cheat always a cheat.

That was a bit harsh of me OP, apologies

Only you can decide if you can ever truly trust him and if you can't then I gently suggest you walk away otherwise you'll make yourself ill worrying about it. Matelots work hard and play hard wherever they are and whatever rank they are.