Husband liking Facebook pics

[WS12]

Just want someone else's opinion really. I don't want to be the scary obsessive jealous wife with rage!

Basically I have noticed my hubby (married 8 years this year) has been 'liking' my friends Facebook pictures- I know nothing major, he can like what he wants etc etc. She is an absolutely gorgeous girl and a good friend to me, but my hubby doesn't really 'know' her, only as my friend. She puts the typical selfie pics on of her with hair and makeup done, pouting and posing etc etc. These are the pics my hubby is liking, just the selfie pic "how gorgeous am I" type thing, nothing else in the background or doing anything. I'm finding it really pissing me off and I feel like not talking to him because of it. A few years ago he liked some pictures she had posted of her in her underwear on her bed I said "you shouldn't be liking pictures of my friend in her underwear" he acknowledged what I said and he said "ok I'll stop" like he knew really my husband should not be 'liking' my friend in her bra. But now he's liking these selfies and photos of her on nights out etc. Anyone else ever has this? It's so hard not to feel jealous.

Im resentful really I think too as years ago before our two kids I always spent ages doing my hair and makeup and had money for nice clothes. Now things have changed I'm lucky to wear my hair down once a week always tired and busy with the kids, hardly any me time. I just feel like asking him if he doesn't fancy me any more just tell me, I'd rather know. I also feel like he's married to his phone, something I have told him about as I think it's having an effect on our relationship. Anyone else been in this situation? I'm only 29 😤

Honestly, I don't see any harm in your husband's actions.

What I do hear, is that you are not feeling good about yourself at the moment.

I know it isn't easy, but make sure you have five-ten mind to make yourself feel good on a morning. I have four small kids and so I make sure to do my hair and makeup before getting them ready. (I have only recently over the last six months been able to do this!) Once their demands start, that little bit of me time disappears and I never get it back! It really does make the difference to my day though.

Jealousy is a pointless emotion. X

Not been in your situation OP but I'd hate it if I spotted my DP doing this especially if he is only liking this one friend's pictures.

Does he like other friend's pictures? Or is it only her?

I don't think your dh is in the wrong. I sometimes scroll and like loads of photos just because it's nice for the person posting to feel people are happy for them and like seeing their posts . I couldn't even tell you what I've "liked" this morning already, it really doesn't mean anything
I think the issue is with yourself and your insecurities and jealousy. Priorities change when you have dc and you don't have as long to make yourself up but you should still try and allocate 30minutes to yourself each morning. Get ready whilst dh is having breakfast and can watch the dc

I do think he's in the wrong. It's not appropriate. Is he on her friends' list? I would ask her to block him for a start. I'd be mightily passed off if my DH did this and I don't really think it's relevant how the op feels about herself. Can't stand these pouty how gorgeous am I pictures. Ugh.

I don't think the onus is on you to allocate yourself some more "me" time.

I think your husband should get off Facebook and pay more attention to you. I am not sure he has done anything wrong per se as in I do not see that he has crossed any lines, but it sounds as if something is not quite right between you. If you are feeling down about yourself, you could talk to him about how you could work together as a couple to help you to feel less down. Having kids is hard, hard work, and not having time to post pouty photos on Facebook might be one of those things that comes with being a parent.

That is disrespectful to ypu

I'd not be happy, and I'd tell him so.

I'd put it exactly how you have in your OP. It's very clear how it makes you feel.

I'd also add, 'It's fine to find other people attractive. God knows, I do. But it's not fine to make it so bloody obvious, dickhead.

There's no rules about what people should like on FB you are giving it a meaning it may not have.
I would focus on the problem of not getting enough time to relax. Your Dh could help out a bit more you sound like you are exhausted. If looking good is very important to you, you can be made up and have nice clothes as a mum. Look at the Yummy Mummies you see on the school run. I personally couldn't do that as I'm a scruffy person naturally but if you used to enjoy getting made up and wearing nice clothes then go for it. Yes the budget may be a bit reduced but you could probably do a bit of clever ebaying and look in sales. Get some tips on the style and beauty boards here on where to find bargains. You will feel much better once you get a bit more rest and take the time for yourself.

I don't think he's doing anything wrong but I can certainly see why it's annoying you, I'd be telling him to put his phone down for a while at least. People are free to 'like' what they want but I've seen married friends (men and women) 'like' or comment on certain types of posts that are public or shared with mutual friends and they've not realised that everyone can see what they have said.

Make time to look nice. For you. Not him. Honestly. You've got ten minutes. Prioritise.

If he doesn't know her , get him to unfriend her? Problem solved.

An adult woman posting selfies in her undies for their friends husbands and all the world to see sounds like an attention seeking twat. I'd probably unfriend her too or at least hide her.

Then start investing time in yourself so you don't have to think about who your husband is looking at in FB

This jealousy stems from the way you feel about yourself. Nothing else.
Why wouldn't your OH like the attractive photos of an attractive friend? If he is normal, of course he would....

Thanks for your comments, it's helpful to see how others would react in this situation.

I do agree that I'm not feeling my best, and I could do with some serious me time. I have been thinking about this today and will give myself more time on a morning when my husband is around to get myself ready for the day. I agree it makes a big difference when I've had time to get ready properly. My kids are just so flipping whingey though - as soon as they realise I'm doing something for myself it's non stop crying and fighting until I stop it gets on my nerves argh.

What I intend to do is so nothing for now as he's going away for a few days for training and once he's back I'll see how it goes. Once it's out there it's hard to take back and if we socialise with her I don't want it to be an elephant in the room if you know what I mean. I know he's done nothing wrong, and he is a good husband in general, I mean he's great really. Never does anything wrong. It just annoys me that I guess he pays me hardly any attention, and then likes the pics of my friend looking gorgeous. I mean there's nothing in the photo except my friend posing all done up ! He doesn't even know her, it's so ...,, ergh what's that word 😤 I agree jealously is a pointless emotion. I should just let it go.

But a friend of mine told me many years ago - 12 years ago - that I had doormat written on my forehead. Maybe it's still true?!🤔

Totally disrespectful.

Do you both have equal amounts of child free leisure time? I could be wrong but it sounds like you don't get much me time compared with him.

Again the question:
What did narcissists do before social media?
What he's doing is probably done by many but is totally disrespectful to you.
I'm very happy and safe in my 49 year relationship but I wouldn't put up with this.
Time to have another little chat.

If he doesn't know her, why is she on his friends list?

Neither of us get hardly any tbh. We've emigrated to Aus where he is from and have no family close by really that are free to have the kids. Only child free time completely is when why're in bed 😂

"If he is normal, he would..."

Normal ? Give over.

I am getting to figure out if I would call this jealousy, and it doesn't tick the boxes for me. She's your friend and you haven't treated her any differently. You aren't going into hyper drive about this. I think it's simply lacking in respect as a pp said. You mentioned the doormat comment. Was this a comment from a trustworthy and kind friend? If so it might be worth checking in with your self esteem and reviewing whether you've got yourself into a situation with your oh whereby he's become disrespectful. If so then i'd speak with him and see if that helped.

She added him years ago - 4 years ago As we are friends and he is my hubby I guess.dont get me wrong they have interacted he's my hub of 8 years and I've know her about 10. So if I said her name he's know who I meant. But they only know each other that way, we used to go on lots of nights out me and my gorgeous friend ha.

I just don't want to look stupid to my hubby or make a big deal if I should just let it go.

You could let it go. Easier if it's an isolated behavior and otherwise your relationship is mutually respectful.

Yes it is isolated to fb in that sense, he's never done anything bad to me in real life.

It just annoys me that I guess he pays me hardly any attention, and then likes the pics of my friend looking gorgeous.

I think you are wise to be thoughtful about how you raise this issue because, as you say, once you have said something you can't unsay it.

I think that telling him this - that you feel as if he pays you hardly any attention - is a good starting point. It sounds as if you are both knackered. Is he able to de-escalate the whinging children and stop them from interrupting your time whilst you do something for yourself?

I do not agree that jealousy is a pointless emotion. It tells you something. I have no qualms about looking stupid to my DH though, and do so frequently. I also do not let things go - a nightmare for my DH. It might be different for you.

Regarding whingey. Stop reacting to every moan. Get them to sort things out more. Micro managing parents make whingey kids.

I'd take the piss out of your h to be honest. Would be easier and he'd get the message.

Yes I think I need to approach it a different way rather than saying "I don't like you liking her pictures " type thing. Maybe I should just focus on making myself feel a bit more gorgeous, maybe then it wouldn't bother me so much? Or am I just trying to kid myself?! Honestly men, why don't they just no do something, it'd be so much easier. See we live in a Aus and she's in England, we are visiting in September and I will no doubt have a night out or lunch with her. I just fee a bit awkward as he no doubt fancies her (esp from the posed pics!) but it's just so awkward ergh. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to not have a relationship at al! I dread when my poor kids start dating, social media is a mine field.