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Original poster

Husband liking Facebook pics

91 replies

WS12 · 19/06/2017 01:42

Just want someone else's opinion really. I don't want to be the scary obsessive jealous wife with rage!

Basically I have noticed my hubby (married 8 years this year) has been 'liking' my friends Facebook pictures- I know nothing major, he can like what he wants etc etc. She is an absolutely gorgeous girl and a good friend to me, but my hubby doesn't really 'know' her, only as my friend. She puts the typical selfie pics on of her with hair and makeup done, pouting and posing etc etc. These are the pics my hubby is liking, just the selfie pic "how gorgeous am I" type thing, nothing else in the background or doing anything. I'm finding it really pissing me off and I feel like not talking to him because of it. A few years ago he liked some pictures she had posted of her in her underwear on her bed AngryShock I said "you shouldn't be liking pictures of my friend in her underwear" he acknowledged what I said and he said "ok I'll stop" like he knew really my husband should not be 'liking' my friend in her bra. But now he's liking these selfies and photos of her on nights out etc. Anyone else ever has this? It's so hard not to feel jealous.

Im resentful really I think too as years ago before our two kids I always spent ages doing my hair and makeup and had money for nice clothes. Now things have changed I'm lucky to wear my hair down once a week Sad always tired and busy with the kids, hardly any me time. I just feel like asking him if he doesn't fancy me any more just tell me, I'd rather know. I also feel like he's married to his phone, something I have told him about as I think it's having an effect on our relationship. Anyone else been in this situation? I'm only 29 😤

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 19/06/2017 11:04

Oh well thank god you've come to grace us with your male perspective. Poor him, and poor you.

HarmlessChap · 19/06/2017 11:13

Oh well thank god you've come to grace us with your male perspective.

It's not a male perspective, it's just a different perspective.

If a woman posted that her H gets upset if she likes another guy's selfie then she would be told that is controlling behaviour, because it is!

pigeondujour · 19/06/2017 11:17

Would she, aye? Congrats on completely begging the question there, thus proving how valid your 'different perspective' is.

OP, you are unequivocally NOT being controlling.

OnionKnight · 19/06/2017 11:18

Oh well thank god you've come to grace us with your male perspective. Poor him, and poor you.

Oh come on, why are you attacking him?

HarmlessChap · 19/06/2017 11:21

There is always a fine line between expecting someone else's behaviour to be respectful of you and requiring someone to modify their behaviour to comply with what you feel is expected of them.

Intheknickersoftime · 19/06/2017 11:21

If you started your own thread harmlesschap maybe you'd stop derailing this one.

OnionKnight · 19/06/2017 11:24

How is he derailing i?

Is his viewpoint not valid because he has a dick? Hmm

yetmorecrap · 19/06/2017 11:27

Facebook can be such a tell tale when you look back. My husband was busy for many years commenting on someone who used to work with us posts with the "must meet up when you are back, we are here till xyz etc" even commenting several times on my birthday. I cannot see what comments he makes on a daily basis without going into particular pages. It must be how he has it set up, he comments on comments I have made on other peoples all the time, so clearly mine is set up differently. It was only last year when I found out by "evidence" that he had a huge "thing/crush" about that person for a period of time but the comments went on for years even though she lived abroad. I am exceptionally cheesed off about it, that fact he didnt have the sense to cut it dead when he went beyond acceptable boundaries . He knows all this and realises itw as totally wrong but whats done is done. What your husband is doing OP is disrespectful if "you" think it is and thats what matters. Some people wouldnt give a stuff, "you do" and hence I would expect it to stop 100% now you have made it clear you dont like it. My DH too rarely comments on my posts on the page and very very rarely ever mentions me on his posts. He says he doesnt like personal stuff up there (and he is quite well known in his field) I actually find it a bit hurtful to be honest.

Intheknickersoftime · 19/06/2017 11:33

Err no. He has implied that because he thinks his wife is controlling that the op is being controlling. His dick does not come into it. He obviously has problems in his own relationship. I love the assumption that I have a vagina and that I'm somehow discounting his viewpoint because he's a "harmless chap". Am I not allowed to disagree with someone who has a dick because I have a vagina? I didn't realise a posters geinitalia was so very important?

pigeondujour · 19/06/2017 11:35

Oh come on, why are you attacking him?

Because he's saying the OP is being controlling for not wanting her husband liking her friend's underwear/pouty selfies. That opinion doesn't deserve to be respected, even if he is the owner of superior genitalia.

Rezan · 19/06/2017 11:36

HarmlessChap likes photos on FB of men and women indiscriminately. OP's DH seems to focus his "likes" on his DW's friend. Is he also liking photos of other people, male and female, in their underwear, or in "how gorgeous am I" poses? I don't think the comparison is relevant.

TheLegendOfBeans · 19/06/2017 11:45

@HarmlessChap

If a woman posted that her H gets upset if she likes another guy's selfie then she would be told that is controlling behaviour, because it is!

You make a point. However, let's just update the reverse to be completely accurate:

If a woman posted that her H gets upset if she likes another guy's selfie of him posing seductively in his undercrackers and speedos with ripped abs a-glisten then she would be told that is controlling behaviour, because it is!

Now we both know that's bobbins.

Changedname3456 · 19/06/2017 11:46

"OP's DH seems to focus his "likes" on his DW's friend"

Can you draw that conclusion from what OP's written so far?

DOES he focus his likes only on this friend OP or is that an assumption? If he likes other female posts / profile pics do you notice in the same way or is there more of a concern because you feel this particular friend / female is a threat?

Original poster
WS12 · 19/06/2017 11:47

This is exactly why I don't know if I should say something or not as I don't want to be the crazy jealous wife who is controlling what he does on his fb. He can like what he wants I guess as long as he isn't propositioning her or messaging her. He never comments just 'likes' but he does interact on mine often tagging me in things etc. She would never do anything either because a) she in England and we are in aus, but also she is a nice person just about OTT with her modelling aspirations I think! I've known her many years and she's always been good to me. It just doesn't sit well with me that my husband - her friends husband - is 'liking' hot selfie poses ?! Hmm meh. What a carry on. Meh.

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 19/06/2017 11:50

This is exactly why I don't know if I should say something or not as I don't want to be the crazy jealous wife who is controlling what he does on his fb.

You aren't. I wouldn't over trouble yourself about how to say it either - he's clearly not that concerned about hurting your feelings.

Original poster
WS12 · 19/06/2017 11:52

He will most likely 'brick wall' me about this as that's what he does the majority of the time we discuss stuff that annoys him, and I'm guessing he will be annoyed when I say simply because he will think I'm being unreasonable. I think if he agreed he had better stop it would be more worrying as he would be subtlety admitting he likes her 😂 Oh dear god what have I started!!

OP posts:
Original poster
WS12 · 19/06/2017 11:53

I agree pigeon if I say something I'm better off just coming out with it.

OP posts:
Intheknickersoftime · 19/06/2017 11:54

What it comes down to is you and your husband having a conversation about how this makes you feel. I have a feeling you may have outgrown this friend. You have a life and family that seems very removed from her own life. You also seem to think that because she's gorgeous physically that you need to aspire to that? If I'm making an assumption here do tell me. Facebook is so false and weird at times. I've never ever understood this selfie nonsense when everyone fawns and posts, gawjus Hun! Stunning! His likes of her posts are a red herring as a pp said. (Or armed herring!). Your feeling insecure and that needs to be discussed with him.

Intheknickersoftime · 19/06/2017 11:56

I also do think you should defriend her. It really is that easy. You will feel so much better for it.

pigeondujour · 19/06/2017 11:56

Nah, he'll be annoyed because he's embarrassed, knows full well he's out of order and doesn't want to be called on it.

frogsgoladidahdidah · 19/06/2017 12:15

I really am surprised by how many people this that this is inappropriate behaviour. A like doesn't mean that someone is 'drooling' over someone. I think a lot of these responses are really OTT (esp the one who said she regularly gives her DH a hard time. Wow!).

Is she a good friend? Do you have any other cause for concern in RL?

I would mention to DH that you are feeling a little insecure about his actions, because it is clearly upsetting you and communication/openness is vital to a strong relationship.

I still think that deep
down, the reason for your unhappiness is not your husband liking your friends posts. I think that this is an 'armoured herring', as posted before.

Whatever it is, I hope that you get to the bottom of it very soon, as it is awful to feel as you are.

hugs

mintich · 19/06/2017 12:27

I would be annoyed, its disrespectful

DirtyChaiLatte · 19/06/2017 12:36

Does he 'Like' pics of your other PLAIN/UNATTRACTIVE looking female friends' selfies?

I think it would be pretty disrespectful if IRL he went around telling your beautiful friends that he thinks they look gorgeous in their underwear etc in front of you. For me the same rules would apply on Facebook.

HarmlessChap · 19/06/2017 12:44

As a non accusational "in" for the conversation you might want to have a conversation about whether you think your friend posing in her underwear on social media is appropriate. That may bring him on side without too much prompting.

NataliaOsipova · 19/06/2017 12:53

Don't know what? I bet it's just a "Facebook thing" (I'm not a big fan of it!). He probably does "like" the pictures, in the way that he'd like a picture of some supermodel looking skimpy. But he's maybe just pressing the "like" button in that sort of way, if you see what I mean, rather than actively having a thing for this (odd, narcissistic, attention seeking) friend.

He may not know that you can see that he has "liked" them"? Let's put it this way - I have what is sort of the opposite problem in that a friend's DH has "friended" me and a few other of his wife's friends on Facebook. In now know more about his sexual preferences than I ever wished to! Not because he's sending me anything personally, but I keep seeing pages saying "Rob likes this". Utterly hideous - and I'm sure he (and his wife) would be mortified if they knew.

I think a "I find it a bit upsetting that you seem to keep liking pictures of Odd Friend in her underwear..." conversation might sort it out once and for all....

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