Can I ask what you would think about this?

[clearwaters]

Sorry it's a bit graphic.

First time having sex, with an older boyfriend aged 22 at the time and I was 16.

Makes you undress and lie down on the bed. Looks at you all over and touches your breasts and says they are nice but then touches your pubic hair says 'but that has to go.'

Is that creepy and odd?

Yes. Very. I know it's common to de-pube, but I would definitely find that weird.

Yes. Very creepy and odd. Both the age gap and the comment.

and the point of this thread?

oh sorry. i misread ibthought you were talking hypothetical. ignore me.

Yes, it's creepy and odd. It's the fact he said it HAS to go. Like you didn't get to have an opinion on the matter, despite the fact it was your body he was talking about. I hope he's long gone.

Of course it's creepy and odd.

Creepy, odd, sexist, and entitled.

I don't think it's creepy and odd , but I do think it's controlling and a bloody cheek
It does seem to be the thing these days for young woman to have no pubic hair, and that's fine if it's their choice
If I man had said that to me I would have grown it into a massive seventies bush and seen how he liked them apples!! I may even have had extensions 😀
But seriously, no man has the right to tell you what to with your body and it would have been a red flag for me , I'm saying this with hindsight and slightly more strength of character now, at sixteen I would have probably said ok then, and shaved it all off 😳

In what way is an adult male looking at a teen's public hair and saying it has to go not creepy? It's every shade of creepy. Bad enough shagging a teenager but you need them to look prepubescent as well?

Thanks for replying LEM it did happen to me. And sometimes I feel like maybe my whole relationship was always wrong even when I thought it was great.

It's an adult make and a female over the age of consent for sex

I find the "Well, she/he is over 16 so anything goes" attitude very odd indeed.

Obviously I was over the age of consent but it was more the way I had to look the way he liked.

@clearwaters I had a relationship with the same age gap and I don't think it was wrong. I was comfortable and it was totally 100% consensual. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I don't agree with the comment but a lot of men are very tactless about that sort of thing (and it takes a reasonably immature man to have a relationship with someone that much younger).

If there's other things about the relationship that now make you feel uncomfortable, please find someone to talk to. There are some great non-judgemental helplines out there. Otherwise, its your body and he either gets to love your hair or he doesn't get to love you.

It's not about the hair.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is I wonder if he has, always has had, desires that aren't mainstream.

I don't get the comments.
He has a preference for no hair.
OP has a right to have hair if she wishes.

What's wrong with age gap? 16 is the legal age for consent. It's a 6 year gap not 60.

OP what do you mean? Desires that aren't main stream?

Depends how long ago it was but any teenager growing up with porn will have expectations regarding pubic hair, I would suspect he was acting out some crap video he had seen rather more than anything else. But if he did other things that you found controlling then yes he was - you don't need anyone to justify your own feelings about how things were between you. Does your time with him affect your relationships now?

He seems voyeuristic and dominant in this encounter, but may have also been an inexperienced arse. What he did subsequently would swing it one way or the other.
16 is just a baby

Can't believe people are excusing this deeply, deeply unpleasant man.

OP if this was a long time ago and is still bothering you, then perhaps it would be helpful to talk it out in real life. If it was recent, then it was completely unacceptable. In almost all cases, teenagers having sex with adults is not a good idea, but it is always the adult's responsibility. Even if you were completely consenting and willing. Try to put it behind you if you can, and only have sex with people who are happy and pleased to be having sex with you. Not with someone they think you ought to be.

The problem is I am still with him.

Yeah, this is another instance of me being somewhere between 'weary' and 'horrified' at the low standards we accept off men. He can just have 'a preference for no hair' and announce, during the first time having sex with a 16yo girlfriend, that part of her body 'has to go'?

I know porn is doing shitty things to teenagers' expectations about bodies and sex, but I'm pretty sure we should push back on that, vigorously.

clearwaters - how long have you been together and how old are you now? It clearly did and does bother you. What keeps you with him?

I don't know if it was porn. I mean I am in my 30s now! I'm sure he did see porn but then it wasn't as mainstream.

It's the children really that keep me with him.

I don't think it really matters whether it was porn that gave him a taste for the hairless look (although if it was that long ago, it is surprising; I'm your age and pretty sure Brazilians didn't come into vogue until I was an adult, although I have no idea how long porn has been pushing the waxed look). It's the utter entitlement and objectification that stands out to me, really - rather than having any interest in pleasuring or stimulating you sexually, he took you apart into your component parts and casually rated them. He turned you into an object, literally.

It was weird and creepy op, but as it was 15 odd years ago I'm guessing there other issues you're worried about?