Can I ask what you would think about this?

[clearwaters]

Sorry it's a bit graphic.

First time having sex, with an older boyfriend aged 22 at the time and I was 16.

Makes you undress and lie down on the bed. Looks at you all over and touches your breasts and says they are nice but then touches your pubic hair says 'but that has to go.'

Is that creepy and odd?

Sorry 'talks about'

EW ew ew ew.

I think your instincts are leading you right. Is it really just the kids that is stopping you being a clear-shaped hole in the door? As is often said on here, they won't thank you for staying or keeping this creep in their lives. The idea of leaving him is almost certainly worse than the reality would be.

Of course it's odd. And creepy. And domineering.

But he would have unsupervised access to them if I left.

At first I stayed with him because I wanted to be. I would say that was between 16 and maybe 22? So a long time. I was embarrassingly devoted to him.

Then between 22 and 25 I still wanted to be with him but at the same time I kind of thought I had to be. I didn't think I'd ever have anyone else.

Then after that I was aware not all was great but again I thought I'd be crazy to chuck away such a good marriage (better than any I'd thought I could get) because of a few niggles.

Then I started slowly feeling trapped and I don't know really. We had our second baby in 2014. And another the year after. I'm sometimes worried for all of us but it's like swimming across a lake sometimes where turning round and swimming in the opposite direction is just as far so might as well keep going.

Do you supervise every moment he's with them now?

I can appreciate it's a horrible thought, but if he does like early teen/pre-teen girls, it's still a big step from there to molesting his own daughters. I think you probably need specialist advice - perhaps someone reading the thread can advise who (apart from a solicitor) can help you navigate those waters if/when you separate.

But I don't think staying with him, feeling trapped and miserable, is any kind of solution. It's not really like your lake metaphor; it's more like you're trying to drag him across the lake, thrashing and kicking and swallowing water, but if you let go of him you could swim to shore quite easily.

It's a tiny chance I know but then I can almost imagine the conversations - 'so you were suspicious your ex husband had inclinations towards young girls yet allowed your daughters to spend time with him.'

And like Hilda says I've no Proof at all.

Your OP isn't half as creepy as anyone ever commenting that a 12 year old is "fit".

Well retrospectively a lot of what he's done/said is creepy.

Sounds more concerning the more you post OP.
How old are your children now? Or if that is too revealing, how old is the eldest?
Have you got access to his laptop? If you could check if he has prepubescent pornhub on his laptop could that help with insisting he has supervised access of you do split so you don't need to worry about him being alone with the kids?

That's meant to say just porn not pornhub.
Wow, I've borrowed a phone from a friend and I am learning a lot about her by the words that automatically change on the keypad! Don't know how to turn it off!
Sorry for derail.

I very much doubt he'd do anything that could legally implicate him.

and it's just - if we split - I can't imagine my children being with him e/o weekend.

My daughter never leaves my side.

I'm not going to pretend that threading the needle of protecting your daughters without having evidence of what you suspect will be easy. On the other hand, what will be the toll on you of living with someone you even suspect of this? Someone who plainly has no respect for you?

Is your daughter very young? If so he might not get eow contact anyway. Would he want contact? A lot of abusive men seem to lose interest in their kids once their usefulness as tools for manipulating their mother reduces.

I'm so glad you've said that as so many seem to think LTB = all is well.

He has NO respect for me - you're quite correct

If this really happened then it sounds like a poor show to me. Obviously your very young but with the benefit of hindsight, the best thing to have done would have been to get dressed and show him the door.

Call me an old romantic but the first time with any partner let alone a virgin, should be gentle,caring ,loving and hopefully passionate and intense,,not a cattle market.

TDH, you might want to read the whole thread now.

clear, please keep posting. I know you have a lot to process and I don't envy you your choices. But call me an optimist - I believe you and your daughters will start a better life the day you no longer share a home with him.

As a side issue, are you on some very reliable contraception now?

I am yes, thank you.

It's just so difficult. I've no one to help. I really am feeling that today as it's Father's Day. Just feeling very alone in the world!