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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Paying for sex

95 replies

Gunsnrosesxo · 17/06/2017 15:53

Hi all.
I was just curious as to how many husbands or boyfriends are into paying women for sex (prostitution).
I once caught my husband messaging an escort and payed the deposit to book her.
But he swears he didn't go but I don't believe him as I saw the messasges.
I don't know how common this is or isit only him?

Need help.

OP posts:

NewPurrs5 · 17/06/2017 15:55

Presumably you mean ex husband?

BertieBotts · 17/06/2017 16:02

It's not inevitable, if that's what you mean. No idea on numbers though.

It would be a dealbreaker for me as the idea of paying for consent is grim.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 17/06/2017 16:08

Sorry but get rid!

C0RAL · 17/06/2017 16:08

What kind of help are you looking for OP?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 17/06/2017 16:10

I live in hope that it's not that common.

Forgettheworld · 17/06/2017 16:16

I'm guessing he isn't your ex. He should be it's disgusting I personally feel it's worse then a one night stand because they have actively looked for it, spent time thinking about it and spent finances that could be used on their families. Who knows if it's common. It isn't only him, some men will do it and get caught, some will do it and never get caught and some won't ever do it.

LucieLucie · 17/06/2017 16:22

I reckon it's become pretty common.

Using prostitutes used to be seen as desperate, dirty and the general perception was the girls were rough & disease ridden addicts which is no longer the case now.

Porn has opened up a world of instant sexual gratification and many girls are earning a good living from it.

If you dump your dh over this you'll probably be hard pushed to find another man who hasn't/wouldn't use a hooker imo

CiliatedEpithelium · 17/06/2017 16:23

I suspect it's more common than we all like to think. No man is going answer in the affirmative to the question, "Have you ever used a prostitute?" or very few anyways if it's a loved one asking. If I discovered about my DH what you had discovered about yours, I would be so gone he would have to shut his eyes or look at a photo to remember what I looked like. It's the pits.

user1495832265 · 17/06/2017 16:26

I was just curious as to how many husbands or boyfriends are into paying women for sex (prostitution)

Odd . Why does it matter? How many women do you want to respond to your question so you can justify what your husband dies?

Moanyoldcow · 17/06/2017 16:32

Are you kidding Lucie?

There are plenty of men who would not use prostitutes, will not cheat and treat women with respect.

If you can't find one you're either better off alone or you are looking in the wrong places.

UnbornMortificado · 17/06/2017 16:46

I really doubt it's most men

Me and DH both have questionable pasts (which we are both aware of) I completely believe him when he says he hasn't payed for sex. He lived and worked in Amsterdam for a few years as well.

IrritatedUser1960 · 17/06/2017 16:50

I wouldn't tolerate that ever. I have more self respect.

HildaOg · 17/06/2017 16:50

Some men do use or have used prostitutes but no, most definitely don't and wouldn't.

BengalGal · 17/06/2017 16:51

My husband has never, nor have any of his friends admitted it to him. Maybe it's a class or social group thing. A lot of guys think having to pay for means you are a loser that can't snag a normal woman.

Tollygunge · 17/06/2017 16:51

If you dump your dh over this you'll probably be hard pushed to find another man who hasn't/wouldn't use a hooker imo

Are you fucking serious?? You must have a pretty low opinion of the men in your life. It's not just about paying for sex it's the fact that women are trafficked and forced into being raped as prostitutes. For every woman who is making a 'choice' to do it, there are 10 frightened and enslaved women behind her.

Penguina25 · 17/06/2017 16:59

Prostitution isn't paying for consent. The prostitute can ALWAYS say no. There is no such thing as paid consent.

What two adults do behind closed doors is nobody's business- paid or not.

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 17/06/2017 17:00

I agree with Moany! I have no idea how you have such a poor view of men Lucie, but I know several (including my husband) who have never used prostitutes and never would! I would like to believe that the type of man who turns to prostitutes is in the minority, not the majority!

To suggest otherwise is like saying every woman would sell her body for money!

My husband has never purchased sex from a prostitute, I think the problem with mumsnet, is that it can make you think that certain behaviours are more common than they actually are. It is certainly not normal op and it would be a deal braker/ relationship over for me.

Penguina25 · 17/06/2017 17:01

I'm a sex worker and most men I see are you everyday average joes. In fact, poor and dirty men can't actually afford prostitutes. Not me anyway.

crazycatguy · 17/06/2017 17:03

I didn't realize people had to put down a deposit!

I live such a sheltered life :/

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 17/06/2017 17:09

The issue isn't whether it's common or not: it's that your husband paid a deposit (at the very least) for an escort.

What are you going to do about it?

LucieLucie · 17/06/2017 17:16

Urgh, the typical sweary response from someone who's been watching too much Corrie.

Yes I'm well aware that some women are trafficked but a large majority do it for the money and attention they crave.

I'd love to see the source of your statistics

And no I don't have a low opinion of all men in my life but I do have a realistic opinion of men in general. Who do you think are the punters who keep these women in business?? It's not santa clause, it's men like your father, brother, son, colleague, friend. Men who work respectable jobs.

Men can compartmentise these things very well and if go as far as to say it's almost to a man like going for a nail treatment is for a woman.

Just because it's not spoken about doesn't mean it doesn't go on.

Unsurewhattod0 · 17/06/2017 17:36

Speaking as a man, using a prostitute is utterly repugnant. I prefer any sex to have at least some level of emotional engagement. Personally its a massive No no and not something I'd ever consider. Don't tar all men with the same brush pls, some of us are actually decent people who just want happiness is a committed partner.

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 17/06/2017 17:52

Lucielucie

Resorting to insults merely reveals you to be a poor thinker.

I'd love to know where you get your figures from concerning 'most' of the industry's workers are there because they want to be.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 17/06/2017 18:08

Neither my father or my DP have such low opinions of women that they would ever do this. I don't have any brothers or sons.

My DP is a police officer. He has had to engage with sex workers as both victims and criminals. He would never be able to compartmentalise it. He is also very much into committed relationships, not casual sex.

OnionKnight · 17/06/2017 18:11

I would never, ever pay for sex and neither would any of my mates, I find the thought of doing it absolutely disgusting.

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