He's fell out with me because "he can't even have a shit in peace"

[coffeecoffeemorecoffee]

After he gave me a massive lecture yesterday about how we've argued everyday this week and it's all my fault he's now got the arse with me and I know it will be all my fault but I really don't think it is!

I was in the lounge with 3yo and 10 month old. He was in the downstairs toilet. 3yo needs the loo for a number 2 (needs help wiping) so because the baby is trying to climb everything ATM I didn't want to go upstairs and leave the baby alone in the lounge so I told him 3yo needs a poo! Next thing he can't ever "go for a fucking shit in peace" l leaves his shit floating in the down stairs loo and starts saying something as he goes upstairs. I didn't hear him to went to the bottom of the stairs and asked what he said, he point blank ignored me and went into the bathroom. So I went up and asked why he thinks it's ok to ignore me completely when I had clearly spoken to him. I tried to explain why I needed him to move upstairs but he's now got the arse with me. I know it will be my fault.

We've been through a tough time lately, split up recently then got back together because I didn't know how to move forward. Us getting back was all on his terms and now everything I do is wrong. Or so it feels. I KNOW I will be in the wrong for this but I really don't see what I've done wrong.

I am reading this differently to everyone else.

I read baby coffee needs a poo.
Mum shouts Baby coffee needs a poo can you hurry up?
Dad strops off upstairs mid poo.

we have one toilet and yes I have had to rush my poo for DC.
YWBU to chase after him.

However I agree with the poster that said flogging a dead horse..He doesn't want to be there. You are not working as a couple at all.

I lol at the thought of having a poo in peace with two pre school children.

Oh come on OP
10 months old I'd leave in lounge for 5 mins with a few toys

I lol at the thought of having a poo in peace with two pre school children.

I've never got this, is it a Mumsnet thing?

I have a 2 and 4yo and it's never been an issue, they understand toilet= privacy and personal space. Of course they try and push this (4yo has a habit of being desparate as soon has she hears me turn the shower on ) but being a Mother doesn't mean you can't have 5 minutes to yourself.

Put them in a cot, car seat, high chair, behind a stair gate, in front of Peppa Pig or whatever. They soon get the idea.

I'd also have waited till he finished pooping. I can see why it would be annoying if you were mid crap. Agree with the others there seems to be larger issues at play here. He can't actually go to the loo in peace and you don't feel supported. So you need to try to work out how you will work together.

It's Mumsnet Matyr Mummy syndrome.

I'm still confused. You can't leave the baby in its bouncer thing to take 3yo to the loo but can leave them both to go give dp a telling off. And how does it not occur to u to just take the other child??

Tell him in future to use upstairs. But seriously r only toilet is upstairs and I used to but DD in highchair or pushchair when toilet training DS and taking him every 15 mins while training him. U can't b with ur toddler every second otherwise u wouldn't even get breakfast lunch or dinner

So your at home and husband is out. You have the 3 year old and 10 month old. Where is the 10 month old when you go for a piss/shit?

Age 8 months our travel cot was up all the time as play pen for when I needed to put the baby somewhere safe whilst I cooked/ showered/ went to the loo. Get a play pen. I'd have just carried the baby upstairs to the toilet as you don't have a playpen. Interrupting people in the toilet is for emergencies.
It sounds like there are other issues in the relationship but this was a completely unnecessary battle you chose to pick.

YABU and probably owe DH an apology.

Almost nobody needs to interrupt someone else mid-crap if they have a second toilet unless there is a special reason.

If you could find a working arrangement to go upstairs and shout at someone, there is no special reason you couldn't possibly have gone upstairs to the loo. Can't see how you can deny this, really.

I have five children. I had them close together. Two have special needs and I still managed to poo in peace It's not rocket science.

I would have been pissed off with you as well. If my husband couldn't manage to take a three year old to the toilet with a 10 month old without getting me to move from the toilet I would wonder where his common sense was and what was wrong with him.

Parents who think that pooing in peace with children isn't possible need to look at why that is. It really isn't normal for a parent not to be able to go to the loo without their children coming in or disturbing them. Of course they might try it on for a while but they soon get the idea.

YABU and I would have just told you not to be ridiculous and to go upstairs.

Two young children at the same time!!! How do you manage....

Yes, that was sarcasm. There are clearly issues here - on both sides - but this was an example where you are being utterly unreasonable. He needed a shit and IME men do take longer - the phone/newspaper is a symptom of that not the cause - and you interrupted him for no good reason. There is a lot of stress in your house by the sounds of it but this was not a good reason to increase it.

It seems to me this is about the OP feeling that her DP is not doing enough to support her with the children and trying to draw his attention to the fact with angry exchanges and making a martyr of herself.

Not a great communication strategy IMO, but not uncommon. Have you sat down with DP and talked it through calmly?

Ok let's all pretend that I am incapable of looking after my own two children alone if it puts you a notch higher on your pedestals. I am more than capable, I do it all alone anyway which is why I was pissed off in the first place. He works long hours I am alone with them more often than not. On this occasion though, It would have been nice to not have had to juggle them both at the same time.

He works long hours I am alone with them more often than not. On this occasion though, It would have been nice to not have had to juggle them both at the same time

Op, are you for real? the dude was taking a shit!!

Op. We didn't need to know that your home life set up isn't unheard of on a parenting forum. We all have experience of long hours alone with multiple DC of different ages, needs, requirements and so on.
You've a bee in your bonnet because we aren't collectively sympathising with you and all chirping "oh yes OP, poor you, your DP doesn't know how easy he has it" but you're interpreting that as us on high horses. What's your name - Kevin?

Where was your baby whilst you were having a go at your DP?

I would tell my DH too piss off if he tried that on me.

This isn't going too end well....

having a few kids i can see your dilemma,
but to help if i may, put 3yo on the toilet go put baby in cot, pull 3yo out of toilet, ignore screaming baby, help 3yo wipe, spend an hour calming screaming baby.........simple

now ours have got older we now have the following bathroom rules, during morning work/school rush no one is to have a shit in the bathroom toilet, during the day no one is to shit in the downstairs bog,
obviously no one listens so mornings are always people banging on the bathroom door and shouting to hurry up/go away

OP - I'm not trying to be an arse, but you've asked for opinions and the majority view was that you were in the wrong. You need to step back from arguing and look at this. Why did you post if you're not willing to look at the feedback. If everyone had said DH was wrong and he'd read that how would you feel if he completely failed to take that on board.

If you feel he doesn't help enough that's a different point. But you're not taking about that. You were wrong on this occasion- it's ok to be wrong sometimes you know?

Op when I had a ten month old I also had another ten month old AND a three year old AND a two year old. Oh and I was also 7 months pregnant. I still managed to wipe 3yeae old dd's bum.

Just reading than and I sympathise with you op. Whether it is right or wrong to call your partner mid wat through his toilet-doing, he should not have reacted like that.

I have s three year old and I have called my husband when he's been on the toilet many a time when she has needed to go. I also babysat my friend's very busy 9 month old a few weeks back and found it incredibly stressful when my daughter needed help on the toilet. I ended up strapping him in his pram as i was the only adult in the house. Had my husband been there, I would have certainly asked him for his help.

I should point out that myself and my husband are having a separAtion period at the moment, him having a "lack of space" and being "told what to do" are among his reasons for wanting to separate. Still though, I would have done the same.xx

Bloody hell @AndNowItIsSeven - I think you may be superhuman though (I barely function with 1!)

take the baby upstairs and plonk them in the cot for five mins
why drag the bloke off the bog just to hold the baby

Blue yeah bum wiping I can do functioning is another thing I didn't plan multiples and then a surprise baby , it's very full on but wouldn't change it.