He's fell out with me because "he can't even have a shit in peace"

[coffeecoffeemorecoffee]

After he gave me a massive lecture yesterday about how we've argued everyday this week and it's all my fault he's now got the arse with me and I know it will be all my fault but I really don't think it is!

I was in the lounge with 3yo and 10 month old. He was in the downstairs toilet. 3yo needs the loo for a number 2 (needs help wiping) so because the baby is trying to climb everything ATM I didn't want to go upstairs and leave the baby alone in the lounge so I told him 3yo needs a poo! Next thing he can't ever "go for a fucking shit in peace" l leaves his shit floating in the down stairs loo and starts saying something as he goes upstairs. I didn't hear him to went to the bottom of the stairs and asked what he said, he point blank ignored me and went into the bathroom. So I went up and asked why he thinks it's ok to ignore me completely when I had clearly spoken to him. I tried to explain why I needed him to move upstairs but he's now got the arse with me. I know it will be my fault.

We've been through a tough time lately, split up recently then got back together because I didn't know how to move forward. Us getting back was all on his terms and now everything I do is wrong. Or so it feels. I KNOW I will be in the wrong for this but I really don't see what I've done wrong.

If you feel that you can apologise and both have a cuddle and a glass of wine later then all is fine. If this sounds completley impossible then I'd probably be thinking about the future.

Sorry to say this, but you really really sound a hard done by. A million excuses for everything.

Also, please answer the PP's who asked you where was the baby during the time you had followed your DP upstairs to tell him off?

Where was the baby when you were following your dp around the house??

on a more practical note - I think I had one of those low level chair things to plonk a 10 month old in in front of peppa pig with a toy when I needed to leave her for a few mins

Assuming you have a stair gate, play with baby in the upstairs hallway and get 3 year old to call you if they need help.

Get some kind of seat you can contain your 10 month old in in the. Bathroom. Why on earth would you ever think it was ok to get someone to stop mid poo?

What do you think people with one toilet have to do. We still have a potty at our josie that our 5 year old VERY occasionally still has to use if an adult is on the loo and he becomes desperate (really doesn't happen often these days) because if someone is on the toilet they are on the toilet.

YABU

I would have been pissed off too if I was your DH.

Also you need sort out a safe space so you can leave your 10mo alone for short periods. Baby-proof room with stair gate, sorted.

What do you do when you need to cook, use the toilet, mop and so on

*potty at our HOUSE

There is no way I would move mid poop under those circumstances and my dh would not ask me!

He was not being unreasonable ignoring you either.

Outrageous how you chased him from the loo but then went upstairs and left the baby anyway!

I am presuming you DO actually leave the baby for a few minutes in a chair or something but you just felt like having a go at your dp as you have two small children and were overwhelmed. If you can be honest with yourself about that then you will move on from it quicker!!

Wow there's a lot of high horses in here. I have two toilets, so I utilise them. If I only had one then I would have other options.

But you didn't utilize the second toilet! you refused to use the second toilet and made someone move mid-poo!

Bloody hell OP, you sound like massively hard work! Just take the sodding baby with you or plonk it in a high chair, play pen, cot or whatever. It really isn't that hard ffs! What do you do with it whilst you cook?!

You need to apologise profusely to your DH for your shockingly rude behaviour. I'm not suprised he was arsey with you, I would have been livid!

Op I have two DC similar age. I wouldnt expect my DH to get off the toilet. I would simply put DS in his travel cot or cot whilst I see to his sister. I don't see why you wouldn't do that whilst you went upstairs in the first place tbh

You ended up following him upstaires anyway so you could have just gone to the upstaires loo initially..or am I missing something??

The baby is ten months old. She climbs, she eats every thing. Putting her in the bath isn't an option, she would try to stand then slip. Can't lay her on the floor because again, stand and slip. Or grab the toilet brush. I wasn't being difficult on purpose I was basically saying hurry it along, 3yo needs

I think you are being u based on this comment. Babyproof your house! Seriously, you are making things really hard for yourself. Babyproof things the best you can and leave your 10 month old to it, or get a playpen if they prefer. He shouldn't have ignored you but this obviously isn't a one off argument. You're probably both exhausted having to constantly watch the baby!

" split up recently then got back together because I didn't know how to move forward. Us getting back was all on his terms..." When you say you got back together because you didn't know how to move forward op, do you mean you begged him to come back? Is it possible you feel he doesn't really want to be there as part of the family and that's why you're picking a fight with him?

I had a ten month old and three year old.
My ten month old was very mobile.

I would still not have disturbed dh mid poo and would have cracked on.

It takes very little time to wipe a child - and I'd rather do it especially as ds had horrible sloppy poos - and I managed it with his younger sibling. I always made sure each room on the ground floor was "safe" so that the dcs could roam about with little trouble. Otherwise I'd never have got anything done, although they followed me mostly!

Why didn't you just put the baby in their cot whilst taking the 3yr old to the toilet upstairs?

Just let the bloke go for a shit in peace and teach your three year old to go alone

That would of made me raging too tbh.

Put the baby in her cot or high chair. Its not hard. Just hold your hands up and admit ywbu.

I appreciate you have other issues. Maybe look at your relationship again and decide if you want to stay in it as you dont seem happy.

Are you saying you have nowhere in your home that is safe for your 10 month old to stay? If so, you seriously need to sort this. Your making life way harder for yourself (and your pooing partner)

You do sound like you are making incredibly hard work out of everything, OP. I am not a great planner, nor am I that assertive etc but I found out that being a mum MAKES you become these things, for the sake of your children and your health.

Children are pretty resilient, and plonking them down on the floor as babies for a few minutes doesn't harm them much - give them a rattle or a bangle and they'll be perfectly happy. I don't have two children, but I remember when DD was small I lived in a one-bed flat and used to go to the loo in peace while she even sat in her car seat for 10 mins while I had a poo. It is amazing how flexible you can be when needs must. I'm sure that having two children under five is pretty stressful but people have been managing and coping ok for years, without modern conveniences etc.

You could have quite easily put baby in a sling/high chair/playpen etc and wiped 3-yo's bum without distrurbing DP's peace. To be asked to move mid-poo is just dreadfully rude and inconsiderate, and as others have said, no wonder he was irked. I'd have been very angry, as going to the loo in peace as an adult is something everyone has a right to.

Perhaps you are just incredibly stressed and this is merely the tip of the iceberg? It sounds like your argument was just the icing on the cake about a lot of issues that perhaps you need to look at? I know it must seem like we are all criticising but you did antagonise your DP after you asked him to move loos, plus you don't seem to have the initiative to think or plan ahead a bit which is what is frustrating to read.

Sorry if this all sounds critical, it can't be easy with two children that age. I'm sure you are coping best you can, just try to see it from DP's POV.

What confuses me most is that you can leave the baby in the living room (to climb, eat things, etc) while the 3 year old uses the downstairs loo, but you can't take the baby upstairs and do the same?

I wish you would answer the question about what you did with the baby while you went upstairs to berate your DH. Some people don't half make their own lives complicated.

If you are so jealous of his half hour shits then start having half hour shits yourself. Seems the easiest answer to me.