New guy issues???

[ScouseBird8364]

So, I have started dating this new guy (from OkCupid) and in a nutshell, he is lovely! Genuinely, decent guy, from what I believe so far.

My only concern is that I have a few niggles but don't know whether it is just me being far too picky (I'm 34, so probably can't be too fussy nowadays!)

Please don't shoot me down for these, but I'm hoping for others' opinions...

1. He has a 'gay' sounding voice He's definitely not gay! And it's not camp, so to speak, but just, gay

1. Ok, so he has a mortgage, his 2 kids live with him etc., but....I get the impression he may be a bit tight. He suggested we get the train home after our planned date this evening as opposed to a taxi (I would NOT be taking the train so late at night) and told me he'd rather take me to bars where the drinks aren't extortionately expensive as he is trying to save atm

1. Ok, I mentioned on another thread about him not being a driver, but think I may actually be able to overlook this now.

Is it me being too damn fussy? I really do think he may be one of the few good ones....

I think the only way to find out is to see him more and go from there. Most of us think they are wonderful in the beginning and it's only further down the line traits may show.
Sure all is on and if you can get past those it's all good!

Two threads in a week about a new relationship, isn't good. You have every right to end any relationship, whenever you want. It shouldn't be this difficult.
One woman's junk, is another woman's treasure however. Someone may see him in a really good light as somebody who puts his kids first, isn't a spendthrift & is being real with you and realistic.

Usually, I am not keen on people 'walking to say the penny fare' but realise that when people have children to support, their priorities should rightly change from spending on nights out to looking after the children. Hope it works out for you.

He does sound tight and from my experience not driving is a deal breaker. Remember you are seeing the best of him right now at the start.

Saving money isn't a bad thing, better than spending what you dont have. The voice thing, well we dont like every persons voice, I can't stand people with a boring voice or speak too slowly.

You are being too picky and I thought you were about the non driver thing. Dump him, you clearly dont like him, sorry but thats the truth of the matter or you wouldn't be finding faults with him already.

I think it's great he doesn't want to waste money . I'm not tight but I don't like wasting money. I like to spend money on stuff that is worth the money, not for the sake of it. The examples you gave me, I'm in agreement with but you'll have to spend more time with him to see f he's just careful or mean.

The voice thing I get.

'Gay-sounding voice'

I reckon that 'voice' will worsen ten fold over the coming dates if it Grinds your gears now.

'Gay-sounding voice'

maybe he'd be better off not knocking round with a homophobe?

thedancinggbear Your comment is disgusting, actually - by saying he talks in that way does not make me a homophobe, in fact far from! I was being realistic

Trouble is, OP, we all know gay people and they all sound different- there isn't really a 'gay sounding voice'. Do you mean his is high-pitched?

What do gays sound like to you, OP? Genuinely interested.

Why didn't you just add this to the previous thread rather than start another? Are you like this whenever you start seeing someone, needing some form of validation from strangers as to whether you should carry on seeing them or not?

I never take a taxi if there is an alternative bus so I see no problem there. Sounds damned sensible. Don't have option of train but 5-mile bus journey at 1 am is £3. Taxi is £22.

I think you should dump him and allow him to find someone who doesn't want to pick holes in everything about him despite at the same time thinking he's lovely, genuine and decent.

How can you say dancingbear is disgusting when you were the one who objects to his gay voice?

Anyway it doesn't sound like you like anything about the bloke.
I don't know why you are bothering.

You don't sound like a particularly nice person really...what does a gay voice sound like? I'd throw him back and let him find someone better if I were you

Being tight is a deal braker for me. Kids or no kids.

Why is it so awful not to want to frequent bars that sell really overpriced drinks?

And why is it a problem to get a train late at night?

You sound picky and precious. I don't think you click with him for whatever reason and are trying to find perfectly reasonable things wrong with him. Just admit he's not for you and move on.

But there's nothing wrong with reasonably priced drinks and the train home in my opinion

'Gay sounding voice' is pretty much homophobia in action. You should break up with him so doesn't waste more time Ina relationship with a woman who espouses homophobic beliefs

Also agree that 'gay sounding voice' is a bit off. How does one have a 'gay voice'

Op is he paying when you go out? Perhaps if you're not a single parent you don't realise that money really can be tight and making sure your kids are cared for is more Important than splashing out on expensive bars

I get it about the voice. I dated someone who spoke like a child, think he thought it made him sound cute. Used baby talk as well (look at that ickle piggy etc). That was a choice though, not sure what I'd do if it was just 'him'.

I'm still waiting for the OP to explain what gays sound like. ffs.

I dont want get a taxi home from the westend costing £40 when i can get the tube for £3.

I dont want to got a some designer hotel bar and pay £18 for a gin and tonic when i can get one in a pub for £5.
Guess I'm tight.?oh and what you would think if this man came in here on here and said I've met a lovely woman but was put off as she sounds like a lesbian....

I don't get the 'sounds gay' but I think a persons voice/accent is a huge part of who they are and I find if I like someone then I love hearing their voice and listening to them speak, the only time I'd say I haven't liked someone's voice had been when they've been putting on a fake pretending to be posh accent or if I don't like the person very much!
So for me Op, It would be a deal breaker! The other stuff no, I appreciate someone sensible with money and don't see that as being tight.

He should bin you off for someone not so judgemental.