New guy issues???

[ScouseBird8364]

So, I have started dating this new guy (from OkCupid) and in a nutshell, he is lovely! Genuinely, decent guy, from what I believe so far.

My only concern is that I have a few niggles but don't know whether it is just me being far too picky (I'm 34, so probably can't be too fussy nowadays!)

Please don't shoot me down for these, but I'm hoping for others' opinions...

1. He has a 'gay' sounding voice He's definitely not gay! And it's not camp, so to speak, but just, gay

1. Ok, so he has a mortgage, his 2 kids live with him etc., but....I get the impression he may be a bit tight. He suggested we get the train home after our planned date this evening as opposed to a taxi (I would NOT be taking the train so late at night) and told me he'd rather take me to bars where the drinks aren't extortionately expensive as he is trying to save atm

1. Ok, I mentioned on another thread about him not being a driver, but think I may actually be able to overlook this now.

Is it me being too damn fussy? I really do think he may be one of the few good ones....

FreeNiki Not feeling safe does not equate to being a princess, oh my days what planet are you on?! I hate to break it to you but we're not all the same you know; you may just be a little braver than me!

Jesus mumsnet! You all know what op meant by gay sounding voice. High pitched, she's not being homophobic.god you all must be bored this morning.

Sugarnet they're an angry bunch today aren't they, sorry I posted now, ha ha!!

I think YABU in regards to his finances especially if you do not know all the details of his circumstances (and why should you). I am on my own with a DS and a mortgage, I have a very strict budget that I stick to, not because I have to but because I want to reach a medium/long term goal. If that means cheap wine/days out in the meantime, so be it

I live in Liverpool, I often get trains or buses home alone late at night. I have never once felt unsafe, all have cctv on them (and in the stations).

just would feel extremely unsafe hanging about a train stn so late at night, even if he was stood waiting with me so you don't live close then? Why can't he wait for a taxi with you and then get the train home himself?

Big time scouse! Hunting for anything to give out about !

It's not about being brave, it's about being smart and staying safe. Why put yourself in a situation that you don't feel safe or comfortable in. I wouldn't feel comfortable getting a late night train either. Even when my friends catch taxis home I ask them to text me when they get home.

Oh guys, you know what, I feel safe driving at 170mph, therefore do I think we all should? No!! What makes one comfortable does not necessarily mean everybody should feel the same, isn't this obvious??

So why didn't you just get in a taxi then? Did he force you onto the train?

Just draw a line under it, you are clearly not compatible.

OMG I've already SAID I'm getting a taxi, I'm merely replying to the posters who have clearly not read my OP, and/or the full thread!!!!!

Apologies, I thought the date had already happened

Still think you're better off leaving it.

Have you actually caught a train at 11pm or are you just imagining what it might be like? I often catch the last train back from another major city. And the train is packed. Lots of women coming back on their own along with groups of friends and couples. Yes it can be loud if some have had a few too many but I have never felt unsafe.

witch Did do, though many years ago now - did not feel comfortable, at all

Look you are having doubts about him and you are finding reasons to break it off. The money issue isnt a big deal (why pay double or triple the price just to be in a different building) nor is the driving. If you dont like his voice, fine, do you want to be stuck listening to it forever?

Its up to you, but you can't keep complaining about stuff like this when you could just break it off. Its not fair on him or you.

Why didn't you feel comfortable? You might find it is different now. For example you might have travelled home after a football match where there were lots of the losing team supporters on board or another similar scenario. I have never felt unsafe. I just keep myself to myself and flick through my phone til I reach my stop.

Ffs the woman doesnt want to get on the train!! Deal with it!!!! 😂

I haven't read the whole thread but I do get the thing about a voice being a turn off. I met a guy and he sounded like Ross from friends and i couldn't stand it. Then another said 'I knoooow riiiiiight?' In such a camp manner I just couldn't see him again. The rest of the time he was fine but he said that phrase a lot!

JellyBean31 cctv just films you being brutally murdered... it doesn't prevent it kidding

cunning that's just had me in stitches!!!! Oh hey Mr Murderer, go ahead and kill me but you're on CCTV!!!

Lesis ha ha, I know, I'm feeling a little pressure here just to get the fucking train ha ha!!!

I don't think this relationship has any legs.

You've got 3 kids. He has 2. Do you want to eventually be a Mum to 5 kids? I wouldn't. You'd need a new car (7 seater), that only you can drive. You'd need a bigger house. One of you would have to move towns and move your kids to a new school. You don't like the same kind of leisure time. You don't like his high voice.

I read somewhere once, that the pitch of a man's voice was directly related to the size of his penis. If you haven't seen his yet, you may have to add a number 4 to your list.

I'm sure he speaks highly of you

Husky Ha ha! I have seen it, and it gets a thumbs up from me

I don't think I'm looking that far ahead tbh, but I can completely see what you're saying. Thing is, I'd much rather meet a guy with kids (as they understand time restraints, parenting etc), and he only has 2 - even if I met a guy with 1, that'd still be 4 kids!!

We actually live fairly close (10 minute drive), so would be no moving of towns etc (he's actually in the same Borough as me!)

Whether he's not splashing the cash due to a lack of surplus funds or because he is a bit mean you can't know, but that and his voice seem to be giving you pause for thought so probably best for both of you to move on. If money isn't tight he may prefer a woman who shares his preference for good value.

Don't you just love MN?

Op, I understand what you mean by a camp voice, not sure why people think your being offensive towards gay people .

I wouldn't date anyone who doesn't have a car but then again I live in the middle of nowhere so it would be tricky, if I lived in London then it probably wouldn't be a problem.

He does sound a bit tight, my ex husband was tight and it drove me nuts.