New guy issues???

[ScouseBird8364]

So, I have started dating this new guy (from OkCupid) and in a nutshell, he is lovely! Genuinely, decent guy, from what I believe so far.

My only concern is that I have a few niggles but don't know whether it is just me being far too picky (I'm 34, so probably can't be too fussy nowadays!)

Please don't shoot me down for these, but I'm hoping for others' opinions...

1. He has a 'gay' sounding voice He's definitely not gay! And it's not camp, so to speak, but just, gay

1. Ok, so he has a mortgage, his 2 kids live with him etc., but....I get the impression he may be a bit tight. He suggested we get the train home after our planned date this evening as opposed to a taxi (I would NOT be taking the train so late at night) and told me he'd rather take me to bars where the drinks aren't extortionately expensive as he is trying to save atm

1. Ok, I mentioned on another thread about him not being a driver, but think I may actually be able to overlook this now.

Is it me being too damn fussy? I really do think he may be one of the few good ones....

Maybe he doesn't have much money to spare? It's very expensive being a single parent and it sounds like he doesn't earn a lot. The not driving thing too sounds like a lack of money problem. It's not always a choice.

I know what you mean OP and some other posters are being deliberately obtuse. A gay sounding voice is I imagine, very much like my gay best friends voice - wonderfully camp. Which is perfection in a gay best friend but possibly not what floats your boat in a partner. Fucking obvious and not homophobic at all and I think every very camp gay man I know would laugh out loud at this poor attempt to rabble rouse on their behalf. Any way, I've had this before, voices are massively important to attraction, I've had a few dates with a man with quite a feminine voice in the past - it was a turn off sadly as in every other way he was great. It is what it is. I'm sure some men feel the same about women with gruff masculine voices.

On every other note, I think you are a bit materialistic and this one is not the one for you.

As someone said earlier , if you are picking fault then you probably don't like him enough to have a proper relationship with him.

He sounds like a good guy , I think you should let him find someone that will appreciate him. Continue your search OP!

I get the voice thing too. People here need to chill out.

Alarm bells would ring on the money front for me Op.........

Sack him off and let him find someone else.

The money thing sounds fine , cabs are a huge expense and so are wine bars. Maybe he's saving for a deposit on a house or for his kids' future education. Those are commendable things.

The OP and this man just seem mismatched imo. He's clearly a better man than one that throws money around to impress a potential partner but is behind on his bills.

Many thanks for the posters who have given understanding and sympathetic responses! x

Yes, 'gay-sounding' voice would be relative to maybe Paul O'Grady (we're both Scouse, so he's possibly the closest match, for the poster who seems to desperately want me to elaborate on this!)

I'm a single mum of 3, so understand financial restraints but I DO have an issue with tightness - not long-term but in the initial stages of dating, yes! I don't want to be sat in a cheap Wetherspoon's when my preferred choice would be a Revolution!

I have high standards and frankly think some of your replies are horrid!

I will give this evening a chance and see how I then feel!

Thankyou again to the obviously more understanding posters

P.S., Yes, I do think it pretty poor of a guy to expect a girl to take a train home at gone 11pm!

twattymac No, I pay my way, I don't believe the guy should finance the whole date, no

Hildaog if that would have been his reason for not driving (lack of money, as you suggested) then I wouldn't find it as strange, however, it's not - it's simply because he has never been interested in willing to learn, so yeah, that's pretty much why it has been niggling me

(I would NOT be taking the train so late at night)

Why not? You spoiled and too precious to use a train where it is perfectly acceptable. I only use taxis if public transport has stopped running.

and told me he'd rather take me to bars where the drinks aren't extortionately expensive as he is trying to save atm

That's fine. My favourite cocktail bar does cocktails for £8 which are fabulous and you get 2 during happy hour so its £4 each. I dont like going outside happy hour.

Not many people can afford to pay for or want to pay for very expensive drinks.

As for gay voice......

You sound extraordinarily spoilt and have to factor in people cant get taxis to pander to you just because you dont want to use the train and buy you eexpensive drinks all the time when they have a mortgage and 2 children living with them

yes, I do think it pretty poor of a guy to expect a girl to take a train home at gone 11pm!

I dont.

Taxis are a waste of money.

I think if you're willing to pay your way its fair enough you can choose revs instead of wetherspoons HOWEVER he is in a wetherspoons headspace not revs, so you're not compatible because you obviously want to spend more on that than he does. Neither is wrong, just different.

Scouse; maybe he's embarrassed to admit he can't afford it and pretending that he's not interested?

Revolution is just an expensive nondescript chain bar like be@1.

I wouldnt pay over the odds for their drinks.

There is a happy medium surely.

In any event you're not right for each other.

The voice would annoy me but if he was taking me out I would personally offer to pay for taxi. Also would depend how tight he was. Just see how it goes xx

Freenikki Train, after 11pm, in Liverpool?! ER, I'd rather stay safe!

I think if you are finding faults so soon you are probably not that attracted to him, sounds like you are trying to convince yourself. When you are attracted to someone initially I think we are blind to certain things (and only notice way down the track).

I get what you mean by he sounds camp and probably didn't need to mention he doesn't want to spend much (should have just taken you somewhere cheap and not mentioned why). And I agree, a man shouldn't be happy with leaving a lady to get home on a train. My partner doesn't even like me to catch a taxi. No I'm not a princess, he just wants to keep me safe.

Morewine I wouldn't expect him to pay for taxi, I have not had that thought at all,in fact even if he offered I wouldn't let him as it costs too much from town to where I live x

User148... Exactly my point about the train, maybe I didn't explain fully, but no, I'm not a 'princess' either, just would feel extremely unsafe hanging about a train stn so late at night, even if he was stood waiting with me!

Freenikki Train, after 11pm, in Liverpool?! ER, I'd rather stay safe!

Ive got trains home from London at 1am. All the time.

Is liverpool that nasty and rough ?

If you want a taxi you pay it then....what is the problem with that.

I'm not a 'princess' either, just would feel extremely unsafe hanging about a train stn so late at night, even if he was stood waiting with me!

You are a princess. That is ridiculous.

What the hell do you think is going happen?

Liverpool is like any city anywhere, it can be lairy and intimidating at nighttime. She already said she'd pay for a taxi.

FreeNiki Jeez why so angry?! I personally would NOT feel safe hanging around a train station so late at night, and I HAVE STATED I am paying for my taxi home - I would in no way expect him to, even if he offered, as I live a bit of a distance from town...