Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sweet, Summer Sobriety!

999 replies

Mouseface · 13/06/2017 19:20

Hey, I'm Mouse Smile

Welcome to the Battle Bus! We're a group of travelling drinkers of varying levels, those who are teetotal, and those who have tried so many times to stop, those are 'controlled' drinkers, but we NEVER give up and keep coming back for the support we share, and trying to get some kind of control over the Wicked Wine Bitch Witch!

It's not easy, boy, it's so not easy to stop or cut down some days. There are days when even the Bravest Babes fall into the Sidecar. And do you know what? That's okay. Smile

There is NO judgey pants worn on this Bus and you don't have to be anyone other than YOU to join us Smile

So, come and grab a seat, some Opal fruits, (it'll make sense eventually!)) and meet the rest of the Babes. Remember, you're not on your own, ever with us, you'll always have a Babe you can relate to.

Here's the last thread for you to catch up on if you like Smile

And here's where the entire journey began. Smile

Mouse xxx

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:00

I am leaning towards staying and hoping things cool down - they might do. But i know mams a stubborn cow and she will never admit shes wrong. And i cant be treated like this forever. And they expect me to make solid plabs in 4 days?!

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:01

Then, make a medium term plan.
Where could you move to? Not tomorrow in a panic but planned? You work hard, we see that. So you can move if need.
Even if you elect to stay for now, things will be better in the morning. I feel for you, feeling excluded by parents is gutting.

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:02

Have they had a drink?

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:05

42 I know youre right. byt there must be something wrong with me. they trued so hard to have me, theyd be delighted with any child. It mudt be me. Thete must be something i do to make them like this. If i wasnt a messy cow this wouldnt have happened tonight. Normal kids dont msje their mothers ill in the head like ive done, they dont make their nerves bad, they dont makr their parents be like this. There must be something wrong with me. There myst be, this all started when i was less than 10 and dads never really stuck up for me, i fhink hes scared of her. What makes a 11 year old so fucked up that her mother gives her a black eye

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:08

No no no it is her not you. I was you in a way. My bruises emotional not physical but I think yours are both.
Your Dad seems to be trying to "stay out of it" so he's no help.
As for your Mam, she is battling demons from her past, it is not you
She is letting you down as a mum.
It is not you. The way you feel is justified. Can you just stay out if the way in your room tonight til you have a think? X

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:08

i could ask my frirnd from work, shes lovely and might let me. It might not be fair on her though. There are hotels I could go to for a few nights, be dear though, but is possible. If push come to shove i could go to my aunties. Thank you for being there im calmimg doen. Ill go downstairs check my chickens cooked and have it with salad tomorroe in work. Ive got a lift with a gitl from work at 9.20. After i do my chicken ill brimg my laptop to my bedroom.

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:12

"making her nerves bad" this is so familiar to me...this is her problem, you have not caused this. I have some MH challenges and sometimes my DC push the buttons but I do not let it play out...because it's mine to deal with, it is not them.
Similarly, unless you're pushing your Mam somehow it seems that she is struggling in herself
...you can't fix it, honest.

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:15

Right. Get food organised and lift and take laptop. Consider friend option and Auntie option for short term. I left home age 17 bcos of all the shit. You're bright and willing to work so it'll be okay I promise.

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:17

If you stay out the way in your room and dont rise to anything would that mean you can stay put? (no hotel)?

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:21

Nothing you decide or consider tonight has to be permanent. X

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:23

Theyve said ive got til saturday at half past 7 am to leave (although how im meabt to arrangr this round work shifts i dunno). Theyd let me be gere if i didnt annoy them. But i know theyll get at me. And i know ill have some serious grovelling to do to stay here past saturday

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:25

OK
Forget the deadlines etc for a sec, how do you feel about leaving?

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:26

How do you view the required grovelling?

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:36

Mam made a point of humiliating me - she 'made' me give her my friends number (gave her a made up one) and text her saying what a dirty cow i am and could i stay with her. Yes its fake, im not dull, but kind of person puts her daughter in a position like that?

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:39

Well. A poor mum. You deserve better and your own life x

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:42

The grovelling would just be me reverting back to the same form I've done for years. I'd swallow it and do it and she might let me stay - she might not - but ultimately nothing would have changed. You're right, 42 I'm always getting blamed for her nerves and making her ill, have done for years.

Moving out, I really want to move out eventually. My own place would be great and I'm not an intolerable housemate, managed ok in uni. Practicalities are the only issue. I take home a grand a month. Paying rent, transport back and fo work, food etc would be difficult. I do want to move out though

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:44

Part of me wants to go to police but thatd burn my bridges. Im not sure if I could bring myself to do it, itd ruin her life and after what happened in court last time i cant see it getting anywhere. Already I can 'feel' myself minimising the hitting and moving it to that place in my mind where I never visit.

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:46

Although they have said they want me to phone the police, to see if they believe me, that I'd have to leave then, they know i wont ring them i think.

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 21:50

Sorry to keep on, but if i went to the police there'd be no reconciliation.and though i want to move out i dont want it to be so rushed and if i go to the police im making the decision, itd show them tho

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:52

I don't usually give actual advice, but this time I'd say... don't think so hard about it all, accept that their state of mind and behaviour is not your responsibility. And make plans to move to a nice houseshare.
And, importantly, tell them nothing.

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:53

Even tho they've behaved badly, I don't think the police would move things on for you.

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 21:54

There's no "showing them", they'll never get it, give up on that...

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 22:01

I think my plan at the moment is to work on mam poss tomorrow evening/wednesday evening (am working) to let me stay. Enough grovelling, promises etc and she might. Then to start saving and try to find somewhere to go to. If they chuck me out ill have to cross that bridge when i get to it. Just hit me, they (or rather she) has been abusing me for years

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 22:17

They're both in bed now. Id love to know whats in her head - does she feel guilty, is she just scaring me, will she let me stay etc

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 22:45

My face and nose has scratches all over it, be a bugger to cover up