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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sweet, Summer Sobriety!

999 replies

Mouseface · 13/06/2017 19:20

Hey, I'm Mouse Smile

Welcome to the Battle Bus! We're a group of travelling drinkers of varying levels, those who are teetotal, and those who have tried so many times to stop, those are 'controlled' drinkers, but we NEVER give up and keep coming back for the support we share, and trying to get some kind of control over the Wicked Wine Bitch Witch!

It's not easy, boy, it's so not easy to stop or cut down some days. There are days when even the Bravest Babes fall into the Sidecar. And do you know what? That's okay. Smile

There is NO judgey pants worn on this Bus and you don't have to be anyone other than YOU to join us Smile

So, come and grab a seat, some Opal fruits, (it'll make sense eventually!)) and meet the rest of the Babes. Remember, you're not on your own, ever with us, you'll always have a Babe you can relate to.

Here's the last thread for you to catch up on if you like Smile

And here's where the entire journey began. Smile

Mouse xxx

OP posts:
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rupertpenryswife · 25/08/2017 22:39

flowers don't be so hard on yourself we all have something to offer from our own experience, just start again tomorrow, I will not rule anything out In terms of help I am determined to do this although I do waver and think I can't do this.

NonePlusFive · 25/08/2017 23:43

Anyone here? I drank tonight and feel bad about it... I did enjoy it initially but now I just want to stop this feeling, feel out of control, feel like I don't like myself very much at all. I shouldn't write this here when you're all trying to quit, but that's the selfish drunk.. sorry.

rupertpenryswife · 25/08/2017 23:54

That's why most of us are here none we all need help from this thread whatever stage we are in, I'm fearful that I will start drinking again I don't take anything for granted. Can you have a big glass of water/squash and write this off? Get yourself to bed and start again tomorrow. Good luck.

NonePlusFive · 26/08/2017 00:40

How do you stay sober when the people you love are alcoholics, when spending time with them always involves drink, when that feeling of "home" is centred around afternoon drinking, open another bottle, just a little something after dinner...
I'm not making excuses, I accept it was my choice to drink tonight, I drank far less than I usually would have done, but I did drink. I'm just asking because I haven't seen much talk of people managing to become sober when their non-estranged family are still alcoholics/problem drinkers.
Just looking for a bit of strength to borrow.

guggenheim · 26/08/2017 06:52

Morning, I've had an exciting 5 am start to the day (thank you dd) and am rather glad that I chose to stay off the sauce.

none do not worry, just keep posting and keep going.I only stayed af for 13 days but I've managed longer stretches before. I try not to have any expectations or set any goals because I'm crap with any kind of pressure. i'm reading loads of sober blogs and listening to sober podcasts which I find useful.

rupertpennyswife well done- any nice treats planned to help you stay positive?

flowers I'm pretty snappy with dh right now I think it's just part of drinking less. I'm NOT good at keeping quiet, and he is a genuinely nice man. On the other hand, it isn't necessarily wrong to tell people when they've annoyed the fuck out of you, it's an honest way to be. Suspect that people are beginning to wish I was less honest now...ahem!

venusandmars · 26/08/2017 09:24

rupert I went to a few AA meetings. It didn't feel like quite the right place for me, but I was glad I went, it was good to sit in real life alongside other people facing a similar struggle - at whatever level. I think anything is worth a try to arm yourself for the battle: AA, hypnosis, reading books, EFT, counselling, online groups, anti-drink medication..... you never know the moment when one of them might be just what you need to strengthen your resolve or simply distract you for half an hour.

rupertpenryswife · 26/08/2017 09:48

none that is are ally hard situation to be in as it helps to have external support if I was in your situation I would easily be persuaded to drink so I can see how that has happened. However you did well to drink less than you would normally please celebrate that little victory, keep posting on here have you sought any professional help now might be the time.

venus you are so right I have not written any sort of help off, I know a lot about CBT and mindfulness so will use that for now but may revise for other methods. I have a horrible feeling that at some point I will get caught out, I'm not counting my chickens or being to cocky it is literally one day at a time.

I'm off to my DFIL for a Chinese later that would normally include a bottle of wine for me because that's what I did, will go searching later for an af alternative, my dmil died a few years ago and was the main drive in my starting alcohol it was never to early for a nice Pinot always an occasion!! we miss her greatly and sadly alcohol did have a part to play in her death, my DH mentioned this to me a while ago likening my situation to his dm it made me really think about what I am doing to others.

rupertpenryswife · 26/08/2017 09:52

Sorry venus what is EFT?
guggen treatwise had not thought about it now you mention it though!! I have already saved £30 being af so not sure more chocolate, candles I'm a sucker for champneys.

Have a good day everyone what ever you are doing.

dementedma · 26/08/2017 10:47

guggs 5am start sounds grim.
Dd bought a bottle of Cava last night to celebrate my last day at work so felt a bit fuzzy when I woke up this morning. Ah well, its not every night you leave for a new job. Got a week before the new one starts.Got a call about my first day..."need you to be in Dundee for 08.30 and then in London in the evening ready for a regional conference the next day". Looks like Im going to have to hit the ground running......

Margie32 · 26/08/2017 14:05

Bonjour babes, 'tis I Leclare. God I've missed you. Waves to all new babes and big cyber-squeezes to old pals.

So...this is what's been happening in Margeland, the abridged version. I decided I was going to do the 100 day challenge starting September 1st, so guess how I spent much of July and August? Drunk. Drunker than ever...my thought process being that I had to fit all my drinking in before I gave up. How stupid is that? Cue many blackouts, drunken arguments with my nearest and dearest, regrets, self-loathing, etc, etc.

This horrendous chain of self-destruction lasted until last Thursday when DH told me a few home truths - he was totally sick of my drinking and told me all the reasons why, at which point I decided not to wait any longer and go AF right away.

Today is day 9 and I am feeling more determined to stay AF than I ever have. At the moment I don't want to drink - my memories of the last 6 weeks are enough to put me off. I have read Allen Carr and found it pretty helpful, it's a good book to dip back into and the CD that comes with it is also good. I have also been reading many inspiring blogs - here are some to check out if you're not aware of them:

mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com

www.hipsobriety.com/home/

www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com

I continue to be inspired by all of you too, even if I've been lurking in the sidecar for a while. Spanna, I think of you more than you know, you are an example of what I want to be. Elba, miss you, I've got a half marathon in less than 2 months - help! Ma, congrats on new job, well done you!

Fairenuff · 26/08/2017 15:03

Margie well done. I think we know when we are ready to throw the towel in and now is the right time for you. You can do this. Alcohol brings nothing positive to your life really.

Think of it as a high interest loan - the more you borrow, the more you have to pay back. Yes, there are short term pleasant rewards - keeping those habits we love, not having to change anything, getting a quick fix for half an hour or so... erm, I think that's about it.

And then comes the payback. It's horrible and if it gets out of control, it's absolutely horrendous.

MIFLAW used to say that it was like getting in a boxing ring where you can never win. Alcohol will win every time. Always. How much of a battering do you want to take. How many times do you want to get into that ring and end up crawling out of it barely able to walk or breathe.

You cannot win the fight. The only thing you can do is stay out of the ring. Throw the towel in and end it. If you carry on as before there will be no different outcome.

Being AF is lovely. There is not one single thing I regret about not drinking yesterday and there is nothing I will regret tomorrow about not drinking today.

It's a gift, a treat, a treasure. I don't know why we rally against it when it's so very lovely. Sure, there are shit days. But drinking regret only makes the next day shit too.

I think the worst effect of drinking when you're trying not to is the emotional trauma. We feel so bad about ourselves, actually hate ourselves and say all sorts of horrible things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone else - you're stupid, worthless, fat, lazy, no control, no self respect, you say horrible things which you can't even remember, look at the state of you, who would want to be your friend/family, etc.

We are harsh on ourselves and we really don't need to be. That's the alcohol talking. That's what it does to us. Love yourself, give yourself the absolute joy of waking up knowing that you didn't drink yesterday.

One day at a time.

So glad you came back Margie x

Margie32 · 26/08/2017 15:26

Faire, thank you so much, that is a fabulous post and exactly what I need to hear. I have taken a screenshot and will keep looking at it when things get hard. You are so right, alcohol has bought nothing to my life apart from misery. I cannot win the fight, so I am going to climb out of the ring - there is just too much to lose if I don't. I feel like I am at that point JWN got to when this whole bus began.

Your support means so much Faire, thanks for being there you wonderful babe xxx

dementedma · 26/08/2017 20:51

margie good to see you back.faire said it all much better than I can.

flowersonthepiano · 26/08/2017 23:59

Four lagers. 10 units. To my brother's tomorrow. I will aim to come in below 10 units again. My anger has subsided. Am I perhaps just self medicating?

none I think we have similar problems with alcohol filled environments. I don't have any answers, but find trying to change myself somewhat more possible than trying to change others. If you find any more successful strategies, please share them

Hello old people who are new to me .

Elba84 · 27/08/2017 23:12

Margie my lovely friend!!! I've missed you too. You are amazing, whether it's day 0,1 or 10. I've been very much lurking in the sidecar too, still there if I'm honest. As faire says this is a fight that can't be won- I think that's true for us both. Please keep posting (and I will try to as well), its so lovely to hear from you. And as for your half marathon, I have complete confidence that you can do it. I saw a sign on my way to he London expo that said running is 90% psychological and it became my mantra on the way round. Make sure you let me know when it is so I can be cheering you on!

Ma huge congratulations and good luck for the new job!

Big welcome to everyone new as well. There's so much support and understanding here, although it's a bit quiet at the moment. Sorry not to name check- don't want to miss anyone.

I keep saying I need to get back into the habit of posting regularly. It has genuinely been the only thing that's helped me keep on track. I'm not in a great place drinking wise and struggling to have even a day off. I keep giving myself excuses, and genuinely find August a really difficult month due to a painful anniversary. But that seems to give me free reign to drink my way through the whole summer and beyond. I really want, and need, to get a handle on it. Deep down I know that probably means stopping for good but that scares the crap out of me.

TrinityRhino · 27/08/2017 23:18

Hey Mouse Flowers

Hey everyone.

Keep on trucking. You are all awesome.

5 years sober here

LuxuryWoman2017 · 27/08/2017 23:31

Elba big squoosh, so great to hear from you.
Trinity don't think we've met, 5 years is amazing. So inspirational. Thanks for posting my new hero!

Hope everyone else is well? I'm off to bed now so goodnight, very tired today.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 27/08/2017 23:32

Oops Margie wonderful to see you post, I've missed you.

dementedma · 28/08/2017 07:54

Yo Trinity. Great to hear from you again. Lovely to see some of the "old" babes checking in..."old people" as flowers called us.
As I am now in between jobs I am off up the coast to look for seaglass aalthough the weather is shite. Had aa houseful of people yesterday and a houseful of booze. Had one glass of prosecco,felt sick, and switched to tea. I don t know why alcohol is making me feel sick at the moment but long may it last!

rupertpenryswife · 28/08/2017 09:32

faire that is so lovely and true I do try to think like that, we went out yesterday for our yearly trip which would normally involve alcohol and I must say it was tough, trying to choose something af when all around were drinking! But when I woke up this morning i was so glad, no hangover and on reflection didn't miss out its just me thinking I did or would.
This thread is so helpful and at times when I have felt awful or down there has been someone here to help.
Sorry just getting used to names but ma having a house full of alcohol and only one glass that's fantastic these sort of situations are my worry.
trinity 5 years that is amazing I hope I can do that, not sure yet.
lux you have given me some great support when I needed it thank you.
elba I am in awe of your fitness and ability to push on and complete your running alongside all you are going through that takes a tough woman, (I was a lurker on previous threads). Have a great day all.

memopauseall · 28/08/2017 18:46

Hey Babes!
Day 1 here after hitting yet another "sick and tired of feeling sick and tired" wall.

I can't do this by myself. If I could I would have done it years ago.
So I am off to an AA meeting and will look at Margies links when I get back.
Trinity five years sober is amazing! I remember when you first posted here and I am inspired by everyone who is battling this horrible stuff.

Love to all xx

dementedma · 28/08/2017 19:25

Hey memo you sure have been fighting the good fight for a while....it doesnt get any easier does it? So good to have you back on the bus again. We still have Barrie and horrid baby doll and now lots of new babes.

madein1995 · 28/08/2017 20:46

Need advice urgently. Massive kick off tonight. My room was a mess and mam went mental. She hit me over and over as dad did nothing. They both hate me and call me a dirty bitch. Refused to give lift in morning. Im really scared of more violence. Habe told me they want me out. I think i could work on mam and get her to let me stay but why should i? Ivr put up with this for 22 years. I have no where to go. My best friends moved to uni and close family ive not talked to in months so would feel cheeky. I could get a hotsl but that costs money and lots of it. Long term how could i afford moving out? They hate me! I want to go to the police nut shes my mother so i cant. But i cant stay here either. Im torn as to what to do - stay and try and patch up this horrific situatiom - mam has depression so an excuse but whats dads - or make the biggest, scariest decision of my life now. Im not keen on staying and them making me leave anyway. If i did move out it might make them ask me to come back but then they mifht not. I havent got a clue what to do. Atm i just want to sob and sob and take a shit load of cocadomals snd vodka to block everything out, but thatd make nothing better. Help me, please

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 20:56

Oh darling made.
Please please just accept that you will cry and cry and that's ok. It will stop in time
No need to medicate with co-codamol or vodka.
Make a short-term plan. This might just be managing the next few days. Staying put of the way etc
Huge hugs for you.

theansweris42 · 28/08/2017 20:58

They have no excuse. They're just being crap. No excuse nor explanations. Accept it.
My parents weren't parents they were people who sort of had kids. That's okay. Put yourself first, imagine your dreams.
Don't try and understand them or weigh up why they let you down.