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Original poster

Decipher OH Text - I do not feel anything for you other than the love and affection that we have shared

111 replies

TornHeart · 09/06/2017 13:44

OK so H and I have had issues a few months ago, we worked things out but now this text has left me anxious, I can't talk to him on the phone today and he's back very late from work. Please help decipher WFT he means!! It all came after a text where he's super proud of an event at our child's school this morning.

''I want to tell you that I love you very much. But now I see you with other eyes I want you to know that I will never never hurt but I do not feel anything for you other than the love and affection that we have shared many years, I do not see you with desire. Better you know these things. At the same time I can not imagine my life without our child and without you, you are the only ones I have.''

WTF it seems lovey dovey and then boom. I know obviously we need to talk about this but I just want someone elses perspective on this. Don't really want to talk to friends being that a few months ago we went through a bad patch.

OP posts:
cloudchasing · 09/06/2017 13:46

Do you want me to be honest?

Despite my heartbreak, I would ask him to leave.

intheknickersoftime · 09/06/2017 13:48

Flowers me too. He's not being honest with you. How often does he work late?

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 09/06/2017 13:49

he's at it with another woman, or wants to be very soon...probably the latter, he is just beginning to register all there is to lose if he leaves

this is the "I love you but am not in love with you" speech. He wants you to end it as he is a self serving wanker with no courage to do it himself.

sorry.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 09/06/2017 13:49

Um, sorry but it sounds like he's ending things.

The word, 'shared' being in the past tense. Sorry.

'I do not see you with desire'. Um, I don't fancy you anymore.

'I can't imagine life without you'. Um, life without you is going to be hard.

Materdolores · 09/06/2017 13:49

To me, it sounds like a variation of 'I love you but I'm not in love with you'
Perhaps after a talk he can clarify what he meant and then you can decide what to do.
Good luck.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 09/06/2017 13:50

Oh love :(

He's not in love with you and he doesn't fancy you. He sees you with 'other' eyes compared to how he used to.
He can't imagine not having you in his life though because he doesn't have anyone else. Wow, are you supposed to take comfort from that?

You need to ask him to leave.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 09/06/2017 13:52

Start looking for evidence of ow and see a solicitor.

QuiteLikely5 · 09/06/2017 13:52

He loves you as a friend but no longer in the way he ought to as s partner.

Credit to him if he is indeed being honest.

If he feels this way it's better to allow him to leave

Hissy · 09/06/2017 13:57

Why does he write like that? is his first language english?

user1496484020 · 09/06/2017 13:57

He doesn't love you anymore.

EezerGoode · 09/06/2017 14:00

He dosnt fancy you...he's wanting to end it,but aware he will loose the child if he leaves..so he's softening the blow...I expect he's shagging someone else

SerfTerf · 09/06/2017 14:00

He's doing that flowery, poetical thing that teenagers do. Probably because he feels guilty.

But yes, he's saying his feelings for you are all in the past. What a coward to lib a grenade like that from a distance when you can't speak to him about it.

EezerGoode · 09/06/2017 14:02

Sorry pet,I forgot the most important bit.....have his bags packed and on the doorstep for when he gets home..saves him coming in the house and causing a Sean if you've already packed them

Bungleboggs · 09/06/2017 14:03

Does sound like he's had his head turned by someone else

PaintingByNumbers · 09/06/2017 14:07

"i'm seeing you through the eyes of my new shag"
"I dont want to lose my cosy life"
"I hope not to pay maintenance"
"my brain has turned to mush, I am indulging in magical thinking, I want my cake and to eat it"

what a dickhead. sorry op Flowers

NoSquirrels · 09/06/2017 14:09

I think I would have to reply to thank him for being honest, but that if he no longer "sees me with desire" then that is a fundamental problem in continuing a relationship as man and wife, so could he please consider if this is something he might overcome with counselling or if he wishes to end the relationship and co-parent from separate places.

What a shitty thing to do to text you that & be unavailable for discussion. Sorry OP Flowers

ShatnersWig · 09/06/2017 14:11

"I love you but I'm not in love with you"

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/06/2017 14:13

"I want to be allowed to sleep with someone else without disturbing my comfortable set up at home with you.
PS can you iron my favourite shirt for me to wear on Saturday, and don't tell the children"

NellieFiveBellies · 09/06/2017 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picklemepopcorn · 09/06/2017 14:15

I wouldn't be quite so harsh... I'd say he is saying 'we are family, that is what is most important'.

That said, he may be hoping for an open marriage, where you get sexual fulfilment elsewhere, or warning you that he will leave if a better offer comes up.

I think lots of people are in more or less sexless marriages, their love and loyalty is with their family- partner and kids, but they are no longer in love. If they are happy to carry on like that then so be it. It is when one goes looking for something more that problems crop up.

Ellisandra · 09/06/2017 14:16

He just texted that?
What an absolute fucking arsehole.

Flowers
Ellisandra · 09/06/2017 14:17

This "bad patch" from a couple of months ago... I'll take a guess that was him looking at other women then?

I cannot believe he's dropped that shit on you via text Angry

brianbennettfan · 09/06/2017 14:17

Yes, this is definitely 'I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

And in the 6 years since I joined Mumsnet I have not read one thread of this kind where there wasn't either an actual OW already, or one waiting in the wings. The reason he doesn't see you with desire is because his desire needs are being met or potentially being met elsewhere.

Don't fall for it. He is hoping that all this 'slush' will keep you onside so that he can have his cake and eat it.

When faced with this same situation years ago, my response was, "Sorry mate, not good enough", and I showed him the door. OW emerged shortly thereafter as a new relationship, but evidence that I found in the wake of her appearance showed that he had been sleeping with her on and off for the last 6 years of our marriage - it had started when DS was 3 weeks old.

I know that this is not what you want to hear but I would urge you for your sake and for the sake of your child to get all your ducks in a row, starting with speaking to a solicitor to see where you stand legally.

Whether there is an OW or not, he will come out with any old guff to hang on to the status quo that he enjoys at the moment. I am so very sorry, honey, and I wish you and your lo all the luck in the world.

CardinalCat · 09/06/2017 14:26

You say you worked things out but, I'm so sorry, Op- you didn't.

something is majorly wrong.

It sounds like a spineless intro to him asking if he can somehow have his cake and eat it.

I'd have packed his bags already. He's checked out.

Msqueen33 · 09/06/2017 14:27

What a cowardly bastard.