You're not big at all. Not even 9 stones.
The fact is that he's always had a problem with intimacy. So it's not you that's the issue here... It's him. Why did he marry you and if he didn't fancy you. Chances are he's had problems in that department all his adult like.
It's one thing to say he likes lingerie for you, but the high heels feels slutty if it's not what you want to do.
If he was saying he wants to spice things up and do new stuff, that would be fine...but he's basically saying his lack of interest is down to you.
Is he a good lover? Considerate? Does he ensure that you are satisfied, before his orgasm?
This reminds me of someone I know. He told his GF his lack of interest in sex was because of 'the packaging'..That she needed to dress up in a red basque. The truth was he was not good in bed.
I knew 2 other GFs of his with the same complaint. He would have a headache and when he did do it, he lasted a few minutes and leaving them all unsatisfied.
He eventually married and his wife (now divorced) had the same issue. She complained that they lived like brother and sister.
All that blame and ducking and diving, is a way of deflecting from the fact that he's (pardon my French) ....... shit in the sack
If I was you, I'd not bother having sex or initiating it with him. I'd be getting my ducks in a row to leave the marriage, in a peaceful way. While doing that, I would get my social life up and running, ready to fully enjoy once I end it.
Start going out with your friends, develop new interests and try meeting new people.
it will increase your confidence and you'll feel attractive too.
This is the kind of man that deserves to be left for an OM.