To get divorced so I can have weekends off now and again?

[WatercressSoup]

So tired. So fed up of everything including my marriage. Haven't had a holiday for 6 years. Broke. The last time I felt I could breathe was when DH took the DCs away for a few days so I could work. Not gonna lie - it was bliss. WWYD?

If you can't get him to do his share of parenting while married, what makes you think he would parent his kids every other weekend without your help?

YANBU! I'm divorced and I bloody love it. Not gonna lie, it's hard sometimes being solely responsible for the DCs most of the time, but families who have 50/50...that sounds like bliss!

Is there a way you can get the benefits of divorce (sharing childcare equally) without the disruption? I mean, if you're truly unhappy with your DH then by all means go the whole hog, but if you just need more space, work out a way to get it and warn your DH he's heading for divorce if he doesn't help.

Must admit this did occur to me when the DC were younger! Hang in there OP. Now mine are all at school it's sooo much easier.

If you're broke do you think you will be financially able to separate?

I have a severely disabled child and must admit I dream of my husband and I having separate homes and 50/50 care, just so we can both have a break from the nightmare and some peace and quiet and undisturbed sleep for at least a couple of days a week. It won't happen though as we can't afford it.

Yanbu
But only if you are unhappy with your h.

I bloody love being divorced! My DS knows which side his bread is buttered too. Every other weekend is free. I'm no longer looking after a man child.

Me and DS have a fabulous peaceful time just the two of us.

Um....do you actually want a divorce because your marriage is over? Or is it just because you're tired? There's a big difference between being fed up of your marriage and actually wanting to divorce, surely?

Can you have a (cheap) break by going away to stay with a friend for a weekend? Youth hostelling?

I think everyone needs a break - DH and I often do our own thing at weekends but we are fortunate to be able to afford to get away - or at least DH or I take the DC out (for a long day) so the other one gets peace and quiet - but maybe your DH is not so accommodating?

My ex has the children zero nights a year and has for the last 12 years. Don't assume divorced fathers can be forced to have their children! Plenty don't see them and pay nothing.

The grass isn't always greener OP but you sound bone weary. Divorce can be liberating but it can be a hellish experience to go through and can throw up it's own set of problems eg. new partners and financial difficulties.
Would ending your marriage really put an end to your weariness?

I ended my marriage and have half holidays and every other weekend FREE but have to drive 100 miles even though cunto STBXH moved 200 despite having residency and another child who has additional needs.

I suppose it depends what your H is likely to do.

If you want a break from the kids (I do!) could you just do that? One weekend off a month for you to visit friends etc and the same for him. If will be a lot easier emotionally and a lot cheaper than divorce. It will get better with older kids.

Actually I'm just going to take my own advice and book a weekend to visit my sister. I've never left DH with the kids except for work. It is stifling being with them so much. It will improve your relationship too. Hope you get a break soon.

Thank you everyone, there are issues with my marriage a kind of separateness, we aren't a team. I think it just gets to me at weekends. We have a lot of children and they are all at school (except one who has MH issues) I'm trying to work 3 jobs as well as cover all childcare etc and I've just had enough. I do get a weekend away without the children once a year but it's not enough. Just feel so trapped.

I'd give anything to go back to to 2005 when my marriage began to unravel. I miss the fact that we don't do things as a family, he takes them on holiday and does fab things with them, I don't/can't do what he does. But I do different things, museums and culture. If we were still together it would be a great mix!

My youngest DS can't ever remember us being a family, he was 3 when we split and I know that makes him sad.

At first it's great for them having 2 Christmases until they realise what that really means - the other parents is alone. Both my kids wish me and their dad were still together, we've not been together for 11 years.

My marriage may have worked if we'd really tried but sadly we both tried at different times so it wasn't never meant to work out.

We're both happy and with new partners. We're good friends and both appreciate that we can have adult only weeeknds and holidays - but I think deep down we would both have chosen a different path if we had known how sad it would be bringing children up alone.

I think he would want to be seen as doing the right thing so would want to see the kids a lot but who really knows? The finances would be an issue - not enough to buy two separate places and he keeps me very short of money now (which is a whole other issue). I do wonder whether he's as fed up as I am?

Why not ask him? Dh and I are doing fine but 6 months ago we were both exhausted and felt we were on a perpetual treadmill and barely saw each other. One night i asked him "Is this how you want to live, because its not what i want?" We talked for hours and have started making changes to preserve both our sanity and, I hope, our marriage.

We do need to talk. We also need some time just the two of us which I have asked for and been refused so many times that I no longer ask. I wish I could just press a button and hey presto it would be over. I don't want to fuck up the kids because I'm tired but I feel too tired to make things any better if that makes sense . It was just so lovely having a whole weekend to myself while they were away. Maybe I can try and get DH to take them places once a month and pretend that I am on my own

I'm divorced and I think it's shit.

I think we should change divorce law to force men to have the children half the time after divorce whether they like it or not and make it a right children can sue for and only depart from that if the parents or a court agree to change it.

One of the changes we agreed is that dh will use the 5 days of his annual leave he never uses to spend 10 half days just the 2 of us. But this is something we both wanted, sorry your dh doesn't.

Three jobs and all the childcare? Why?

Soup dragon

Totally agree.

My partner has a lovely relationship with his DC purely down to getting divorced. He actually fought in court for contact as the Ex wanted to continue with the status quo where she made all the decisions, and controlled every situation to the point of being abusive. My partner now has quality, laid back bonding time with his DC, free from harassment and manipulation and divorce was 100% the right thing for them. It sounds mad, and not something I'd recommend flippantly.. But it can be for the best.

You need to have full access to all finances, if he is keeping you short then that needs sorting if it can be.