To get divorced so I can have weekends off now and again?

[WatercressSoup]

So tired. So fed up of everything including my marriage. Haven't had a holiday for 6 years. Broke. The last time I felt I could breathe was when DH took the DCs away for a few days so I could work. Not gonna lie - it was bliss. WWYD?

I have asked for more money, he won't give it to me. The three jobs are all flexible so I can work around the children or at home and be there for my DD if she is anxious, take her to appointments etc. One's daytimes, one's evenings and one's mostly weekends but they are all part time, sorry didn't mean to sound like I was working 3x40 hours a week.

I have 4 children and the jobs are all self-employed. Had to leave previous employment when my daughter became ill.

You need to sort the finances out - what the fuck does he spend the rest of his money on?? 1k a month for bills on 50k is not right.

He's financially abusing you. Why aren't you angry about that?

I think you should really consider dropping the weekend job and getting DH to pick up the slack. And telling him you need a night away every month!

I'm divorced and I love it, happy as Larry. The joy of not having to live with someone who isn't on your side is immense.

Well, with the planet the way it is, anyone who has 4 kids needs to understand that it's a risky proposition. The economy crashed almost 10 years ago so you can't say you weren't warned.

I think you just have to accept that there isn't going to be a perfect solution and be okay with it. Can't you divorce him and top up your wages with benefits? If Jeremy Corbyn wins, I'm guessing that welfare might become a bit more generous than it is now. (You might want to consider not having any more kids though. )

With of bit of effort Rolo you could be even more insulting, patronising and condescending!

But a good try all the same.

£50K pa is approx £3k per month net. So why is he only contributing £1k per month to the household and you're working 3 jobs and doing all the childcare?! That is the problem here. Strikes me that apart from anything else, you'd be better off financially if you divorced!

Thanks for all the advice, really appreciate you taking the time to come back to me. Going to finish now as I don't think I want to read any more posts like Rolo's. I'm certainly not planning to go on benefits (why do you think I'm working so many jobs?) and I can't have any more children/future taxpayers even if I wanted to.

yabvvu

It's a fucking nightmare. stbxh has been violent to me, to the kids.

There was no child support in an entire year. We were at the point of losing our home.

He abandoned the children overnight and dd is still having counselling.

I do everything. EVERYTHING. I never get a night off let alone a whole weekend.

He was a decent bloke before he changed. Be very careful what you wish for.

.

Watercress - everyone can hear in your posts that your at the end of god tether. Don't be disheartened. Ask for this to be moved to relationships. Get copies of bank statements and get a Shit hot lawyer. You're being financially abused my lovely. You shouldn't have to do so much to keep the childcare and your own head above water

I'm sorry Willyou that sounds absolutely horrific. Sorry that you and the DCs are going through that and I hope that you will be safe very soon.

So she should stay put, willyou, in case he gets worse?

You're being financially abused, watercress. It was probably a frog in boiling water scenario for you, but it's obvious to anyone looking in from the outside.

Do you think you could tackle that first?

Get this thread moved into relationships.

If it was me I would be tempted to just stop working and let the bills go, however I am fortunate not to be in your shoes.

Would it be worse without him? Sometimes it's easier because you don't have to try to negotiate about everyday things and you don't have to clean up after them/feed them.

DH earns around £50k and puts £1k a month into a joint account for all our bills hence why I have three jobs to try and cover the shortfall while working around the children

This is completely unfair. What does your H do with the rest of the money? What does he say if you bring the issue up? How do you get on generally?

Indeed. We always just had one joint accont (both earned the same to start and then I earned a lot more - I was always working full time).

£50k a year is £3k after tax and NI a month assuming no student loan repayments. So £1k goes to bills. Does he pay say £1500 mortgage a mnoth out of the £2k he keeps or does he pay it into a pension or use it to spend on family holidays or just spend it on luxuries.

I have asked for the thread to be moved as suggested. This is making me very panicky so I am just going to try and negotiate some thinking time away from everyone to work out what to do next. Thank you for all the positive suggestions and also the feedback that the grass isn't necessarily greener. I don't want to give up on my relationship but I don't want to live like this either.

Not all single mums get weekend breaks.
I get none!

Yanbu! I left my husband & although broke I get every other weekend off. Have holidays / sex / no man child to clean up after. It's great! I recommend it to everyone!

Yes my exh refuses to do every other weekend and hardly sees the dc, all deliberately to make things awkward for me. Oh and he doesn't pay a penny either.

I can't believe you have four children and do three jobs.

I think you could start making plans and get all your facts straight about how it would work if you split up

Putting only £1k whilst leaving you to run around doing 3 jobs to fit arund the dcs isnt being tight or mean.
It's financial abuse sorry.

No wonder why ypu want to leave a relationhsip that gives you nothing as i suspect you wouldnt be doing more wo him than what you are doing now. Well actually you might be doing less wo because you would have one less man child to look after...

I have to say, if yu were divorced, Im not sure you would get your free weekends. I susect he wouldnt ant to see the dcs or would make it hard for you, just to spite you....

However,I dothik you need to look at your relationship and consider a divorce. Not just for the potential free time :(

OP.

Please don't get stressed by the thread. 99% of us are very sympathetic and want to help.

Perhaps when you're ready if you can post more with some specifics we could offer more tailored suggestions? As it is, I think all we can say in general is that the money situation with DH is massively unfair on you and that you need to make it change, drop a job and get some downtime.

£50k a year is £3k a month net income. What is your DH doing with his other £2k whilst he lets you work three jobs? Sounds grim OP