I want revenge

[Outedlasttimenamechangeagain]

That really.

How do I get over the feeling that I want my ex to suffer for what he's done to me.

He's in a relationship with OW, he's happy and here I am wondering if any man will ever take interest in me again.

I thought by going no contact and moving on I would get my revenge because I would be happy, but I'm not happy.

Please can anyone help. I did the right thing in leaving him behind, but I have nothing to show for it.

I looked at her Facebook earlier, its full of her talking about him spoiling her, it did seem too try hard. Like she was trying to show she's happy, considering she rarely posted before.

Even if it's all true, which seems unlikely, everyone else is reading that drivel and privately puking over their keyboards. In other words, she's making herself look like a self-congratulatory twat.

The truth is though, at least she has someone.

Yeah, well, so has Melania Trump.

Pooryorick your last comment made me laugh. I needed that.

I can't understand how I can be fighting through this and they're so happy. Why do I have to suffer, they are the ones who fucked me over. I've only ever wanted to be happy. For a time I was.

I appreciate all the comments on this thread, I can't remember them all to reply individually I'm sorry.

I thought I was doing well, I'd let go of all he's done (because while she is the other woman, she's also thick as shit to have fallen for his lies when I told her the truth - I feel bad for her) I was at peace. Now however I realise it was just a facade.

What I will say is the people saying not to look at their Facebook, you're right. That is the thing that made me feel worse. Why would I do that to myself again?

I wish I didn't have to wait for karma to do her thing. I am not the most patient person at the best of times.

How old are you op? Sorry if I missed it.
Yes she has someone. But that someone is a lying low down cheating lying bastard fool. Would you want that?
I know it's hard. I still have days when I feels like I've gone backwards again. It is a long arduous process. You've had a trauma, like pp said like a bereavement almost. That takes time to get over and you are at the beginning of that process.
I still have times I think I will be alone forever. How will I ever trust a man again. But I know there were red flags I ignored that I wouldn't ignore again, so I'm safer now, I've learned a valuable lesson.
I'm sorry you're going through this, it really is the worst thing, but you will be ok.
I've struggled a lot again just recently, not sure why, but I still feel in a way, as much as this was the worst thing that's ever happened to me, it's also one of the best because I'm a much better stronger person now.
Same for me as hells, the things I've found out since I know I've had a very lucky escape
I

Pooryorick your last comment made me laugh. I needed that.

Good, that was the plan :) And the serious point behind it is that there are much, much, much worse things than being single. Being in the wrong relationship, or in a relationship with a toe rag, being the most obvious. I mean, poor old Melania is married, with kids, a famous beauty and rich as Croesus, but her man's a psychopathic Wotsit with fart guff hair who can't even use predictive text when tweeting. Honestly, are you jealous? I'd rather be married to Daddy Pig of Peppa fame. He looks similar enough (same colour palette anyway) and at least I'd get to laugh in public.

It's really tough because our society just expects women to have relationships and put up with any manner of shit to be in one, but it's all bollocks.

P.s fuck karma. There's no such thing. Believing in karma to means accepting I somehow deserved the way I've been treated and I 100% didn't deserve this. Nobody would deserve it.
All the things I found out made me realise this is him. It's not me, I could have been anyone. I didn't deserve it. And he won't change. I can see a pattern in his behaviour over the time that I know about. That is what will catch up, consequences to his continued selfish and bad behaviour, not some mystical force.

*to me means

It's horrible, isn't it? I think that desire for them to suffer as you have may well be the last thing we let go of.

It's worth the effort to let go of it, though. However you manage it.

It's taken months for me to find peace of mind. In that time STBXH and OW have split up twice (once when she caught him sexting someone else) and got back together. She doesn't trust him. She's welcome to him, she's made her bed.
It will pass OP, you won't feel like this forever.

You have to let this go. You will look back on this period in your life and say to yourself. WTF was I doing to myself. If you can drop everything now. The resentment, the hatred, the anger you will move on quicker.

I think there's only one way out of it and that's through it. I say let yourself feel bitter and want revenge (while not doing anything stupid) but thoughts are just that and you have a right to feel the way you do.

Eventually these feelings do fade into the distance. It's the thought of them having won and you being left alone that really hurts doesn't it? I know how you feel.

Why would you want to be pregnant, with a cheater for the father?

Then you'd have the OW playing mum to your DC, while your Ex has visitation.

While you're so wrapped up in his life, you'll remain stuck and aren't ready for a new relationship.

Once you get to the mindset, of you don't give a flying f* what the hell they do... Then you'll be okay.

I'm in my early 30's.

I want to be pregnant because he manipulated me into having an abortion so he could have a free path to OW, I only realised that after the fact. I hate him.

I tried to write down how I feel last night, I realised he's pitiful, he's a coward, he has no real friends, no social life, he needs to have a woman to pay him attention to feel validated. He is never happy with what he has, he lies over everything, he is beneath me. He's truly a pathetic excuse for a man. Anything fun has to involve staying in, he isn't spontaneous at all, he is so boring, he has nothing going for him. It feels so good to say all this.

I can't actually do anything to get my revenge, I just have to wait and carry on with my life, but I so want someone to share my life with, I want to be happy again, I want to be loved.

Thistlewine I hadn't even thought of karma like that, bad things happen to good people all the time. I still hope he gets his just deserts though.

All you can think is that you are better off without him. Not that it will help you much.

I didn't think I was for a long time, no matter what people said.
It will just come to you eventually and you will be happy with someone else.
And next time you meet someone who displays all the traits you don't like, you will know not to stay with that person.
We have to try and learn from these life lessons.

I realised he's pitiful, he's a coward, he has no real friends, no social life, he needs to have a woman to pay him attention to feel validated. He is never happy with what he has, he lies over everything, he is beneath me. He's truly a pathetic excuse for a man.

That's better.
Now why would you want to risk having a child that has half the DNA of a sorry excuse of a father like him.

Then you'd be tied to him for life, when he didn't want to be a dad.

This guys as useful as a chocolate teapot my love.

Good God, OP. After that update...well, all I can say is, if I had a skip full of stinking shit in my driveway, I wouldn't complain too much if someone stupid enough to mistake it for a skip full of roses and unicorns took it away for me....

I do need to accept that I am better off without him and in many ways I am, but why am I not happy?

Where is my happy ever after?

The OW did do me a favour taking him away pooryorick (good analogy by the way), I know this, so I can't understand why it still hurts so much.

Do I really need to give this time? I want to be over this already.

I really am grateful I'm not tied to him for life but I regret the abortion more than anything.

I thought I'd update.

Today is a good day, I am slowly accepting it is better I am single for now.

I am still hurting and I still want revenge but I accept that there is no way for me to have it.

I hope one day he realises how badly he fucked up (I hope he realises it now) but the fact OW is overcompensating on fb tells me I possibly am winning because most of the time I am happy.

I am still very confused though and am not always happy, I wish this was easier, I was doing so well.

I'm glad you're feeling better, OP. It is natural to miss your skip of shit to a degree. You've been conditioned your entire life to believe you must have a skip at all times, even one full of shit, and there will have been times when the skip didn't completely stink. And times when, from the right angle, if you squinted a bit, it looked a bit like a skip full of chocolate. But it was a skip full of shit and it still is.

Let karma take care of it.

Mine buggered off with ow to Dubai, a place I always wanted to visit and he probably couldn't find on a map without help.

I just got on with my life. Travelled. Immersed myself in grandkids. He never got to see half of them .

Met my new man and was blissfully happy.

Went through the divorce from hell. Came out of it very nicely.
Saw on the form e that he had two payments to a dating site for parents while he was seeing ow.

Lolled at leopard not changing its spots.

I went from strength to strength. He got an aggressive cancer.

My fiancé moved into the house he paid for. I bet that hurt.

He had to leave Dubai to come back to ow now wife's house for cancer treatment.

I heard he didn't really love her

He lost his battle over two years ago.

I got married on Tenerife.

I'm having a lovely life.
I never wished him any ill will and me and my new dh went to his funeral.

Let karma take care of it.

And I definitely do not want this particular skip pooryorick

I do think the truth will out, and he can't hide who he is forever. However, I can't sit around waiting for that to happen I have to heal and move on and he doesn't get to be a part of my future. He doesn't deserve that.

Dowser that sounds like quite the journey! I'm glad you're doing so well now.

I don't wish any harm on my ex either, I guess I want people to see him for what he really is. I hate when justice isn't served.

Today has been an ok day as well. I have a meeting coming up with my ex (normally we don't go anywhere near each other in work) so I have to focus on holding my head high for that and being happy. Or at least appearing happy for that meeting.

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”

― Confucius

Op I understand how you feel but he won't be able to feel what you want him to feel, he won't regret choosing OW and will most likely make him feel more justification about what happened. You just need to keep on keeping on and filling your life with as much goodness as you can.

Your happiness can only come from within yourself. Depending on events from other people is putting your outcome of happiness at some unknown and very small (and very random) chance of succeeding.

Sever all connections. Hate is still a connection. The holy grail is indifference. Stop caring about him/them. Stop monitoring them on FB.
See him at work as a common colleague, like someone that is necessary to complete a transaction similar to a grocery cashier. Business only. Don't look for signs of his relationship status- Nunya Bizness. Professional civility rules the day. Good luck.

Don't give him any smug satisfaction of seeing you upset /angry / seeking revenge. The best revenge you will ever give him is being happy. When he realises in a few months/years that you've moved on, that you're strong and independent he will kick himself because his relationship will be plagued with doubt and suspicion. She's already insecure if she's putting all that on FB. Look after yourself, it's not been long. I took 18 months looking after myself, getting fit, losing weight, holidays etc then all of a sudden DP turned up, from nowhere. And do you know what, I was ready because I knew I didn't 'need' him in any way. I was a happy independent woman on my own. Relationship is going great. Just be patient with yourself and grieve as you wish. Rushing into anything else could just be another disaster and set you back