Why does he do this?

[hadabellyfull]

Does anyone's else's partner do this?

If I don't wake up and hug him (or have sex) or kiss him and I get straight up to do chores like peg out washing, and tidy up, does anyone else's DH stomp around slam around and not speak to you? He threw his laptop into the kitchen table this morning. Slammed the bathroom door and hasn't spoken to me since I got up. My anxiety is beating away in my chest!

Tbf we haven't had sex for a while, but he swore on my sons life last week that he didn't want to be with me anymore cos I had a moan about his moody behaviour, and I can't forgive him for it... it's all a mess but he's really getting me down and I don't think I like him anymore

Runrabbit I think you are a bully

Well that answers the question in my own head as to whether I had expressed myself well. Clearly not.

It seems that you have low self esteem and assume yourself to be at fault. If he behaves badly that is his fault. You don't deserve it. Your behaviour isn't making it happen.

It was trying to point out that you don't have to get into a big self hatred session making it your fault that he behaves as he does.

Changing your behaviour to start choosing to follow your own mind no matter how much shit he gives you is a series of small decisions with every interaction where you think about what you want. He will likely be a total dick to you. This doesn't mean you are bringing it on yourself. Or that you deserve it.

Such thinking suggests that you are used to making everything your fault in a big character flaws kind of way, when it isn't. That's what I was trying to say with the deserving victim, your subconscious expects to find a way to make it your fault in a big way, you will need to notice that and stop yourself from doing it if you are to stand up for your own desires.

I think RunRabbit's advice is good: make small steps towards freedom by being kind to yourself.

But I found it almost impossible to follow similar advice until I had left the relationship. There was no space in my head that he hadn't filled, till then.

Talking of freedom: do the Freedom Programme. Google it, click 'find a course' to find a course near you. Go! It will get your head straight in record time. It's free, the facilitators are sensitive and know their stuff, you will meet other women in the same position. It is a wonderful course, I can't recommend it highly enough.

I've been where you are now. The confusion, anxiety, fear, doubt ; yet knowing my instinct is right. Hold on, this horrible time will pass as you make your way to freedom - with the sterling support of eg the Freedom Programme and Womens Aid (who will recommend the FP).

You can do this lovely

Thanks springydaffs.

I can't keep on dreading the weekends like this. I'm completely depressed. X

@hadabellyfull you are not alone with this.

I dread weekends, holidays, times when we have to interact as a family. DH winds the children up, then suggests ridiculous activities that we can't do, or meeting other people which adds huge stress, and then gets furious (but quietly and logically) if I am not instantly enthusiastic. I've given up and just say yes, and cope with the consequences.

Someone posted on here a while ago how being chaotic and last minute can be a form of control because it stops the other person making plans. That is my life in a nutshell.

The sulking and raising the specter of infidelity to get sex are another factor, especially if I'm not super affectionate.

at memories evoked by "quiet and logical fury". Very good description.

Moderate:

Wow we have a lot in common.
Today we had a random 'spur of the moment day out' that lasted just long enough for me to not be able to go out with my fiends, and he knew I was shattered as he suggested I shower get ready and he will drop me off...

It's draining. X

My ex did that thing you described if I didn't want sex in the morning. He would want to lie in bed for hours in the morning when I would rather be up with my son doing fun weekend stuff. He'd never want sex in the evening though
It sounds like your husband is trying to monopolise your time and everything is about him. Did you have a childhood where you had to appease your caregiver? It might be the case that leaving him means you can put yourself first again. But don't discuss this with him it needs to be done by yourself.