Why does he do this?

[hadabellyfull]

Does anyone's else's partner do this?

If I don't wake up and hug him (or have sex) or kiss him and I get straight up to do chores like peg out washing, and tidy up, does anyone else's DH stomp around slam around and not speak to you? He threw his laptop into the kitchen table this morning. Slammed the bathroom door and hasn't spoken to me since I got up. My anxiety is beating away in my chest!

Tbf we haven't had sex for a while, but he swore on my sons life last week that he didn't want to be with me anymore cos I had a moan about his moody behaviour, and I can't forgive him for it... it's all a mess but he's really getting me down and I don't think I like him anymore

Me too. As for people asking why the OP doesn't want to be intimate with him - who the hell WOULD want to be intimate with a bloke like this? He's horrible!

Sorry OP but do you see him in any of these? Taken from a website that supports women who are being abused. Thinking of you, sorry you are in this situation xxx

Sorry should have tagged you @hadabellyfull see my last post xxx

Relationships are about compromise, but not to the extent that someone is unhappy or scared.

I can be a twat at times. We all can.

I can be stuck in my ways and people at work often joke (I hope) that I'm always right until someone 'gives me new information' but not sure I would row about wanting to do what I want to do on every day of the holiday with my family. I think for us it's more important to do what the kids will be happy with most of the time.

Sounds like the communication is gone - the constructive type anyway.

Is there something going on in his life to make him this bad? Does he get reassurance and affection from you (not talking just an out sex here) in your day to day relationship.

Being one (and a twat) means that I am not as quick to condemn the man as some here but if he knows how this makes you feel and does nothing and out it despite having love given to him ....

He's a bigger twat than me and you should LTB - especially if he does not seem to want to make it work and is just a selfish bully

This doesn't sound like an equal partnership. If he's swearing on your son's life, I'd make him follow through and leave.

I've looked at the diagram and out of all of them he's the bully. He is a bit manipulative too.

I can't say that I'm particularly giving him love and affection anymore, but I always have done. I'm cold inside and I feel quite a lot of hatred for the way he behaves and the impact he has on how I feel.

I do feel on edge a lot, my son doesn't sit down stairs and have 'family' time as he is usually being a tad grumpy... when I speak to him about the atmosphere he creates he accuses me of turning his son against him, he also doesn't admit to acting the way he does.

My family don't like him, they say he's arrogant. He's rude to people, if their makeup isn't straight he will point it out, if they are wearing something short he will be the one to make tart jokes, I find it embarrassing and although they all laugh along I'm sure they don't like him. Yet If someone makes fun of his belly or his hair, he is deeply hurt!! That's the ironic thing. I've never known anyone like it!

He never calls me names though, if anything it's the total opposite, always telling me I'm gorgeous and how proud he is of me, but I never feel it's genuine it's almost like it's for other people's benefit. I can't explain what I mean.

He does have the characteristics of an abuser but then it's like he covers the abuse up by being overly nice... I just honestly feel confused

Let me help you with your confusion .... leave !
He will not improve with time.
You cannot keep pandering to his needs, in order to keep him happy.
Your Son stays out of the way.☹️
You so deserve more.
Please don't waste your life, go and be happy with your DS.

He feels rejected. They say men need sex to feel loved and women need to feel love to want sex.

Is there any particular reason why you haven't had sex lately?

Either way he shouldn't be making you feel this anxious!
You can either repair the relationship and learn how to respect each other with give and take or you can go your separate ways.

What is there to be confused about? He's a bully. He treats you badly. You hate him. He wants to split up. So, get yourself to a solicitor. Why wouldn't you?

The niceness is pat of the cycle of abuse. www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/cycle_of_abuse.html

I had sex with him this morning, but I still feel the same, and he's still being a bully. Maybe he has felt rejected as we have been having it once a week instead of every couple of days, perhaps but it's his behaviour that puts me off sex altogether

The cycle of abuse is identical to my relationship

Try Women's Aid. Or just google cycle of abuse and all that. You'll find a lot of resources that will help you to see what's actually going on. When you start seeing it for what it is then it is easier to detach and get free.

Does feeling rejected mean it is OK to bully another person?

You feel bad about his behaviour. Are you allowed to bully him then?

Ring women's aid and talk to them. Get your ducks in a row,get legal advice,some support in place and then run.
He's a bully and abusive.
You had sex this morning not because you wanted to,but because you had to...to appease him,to ease the anxiety. That is not ok or normal.

Yes that's true.

I spend most of the time feeling anxious.

I need to get some help don't I

Yes you do. Do you have any real life support? Family?friends?

My parents live abroad, my sister had cancer at the min so has more important things to worry about. I have one true mate but she can be a bit controlling.

If I'm gonna do anything about this I've got to do it alone.

Ring women's aid,you won't be alone. Do you own or rent? Do you have any income? How are the finances.
You can do this. Not just for yourself ,but for your son as well. It won't be good for him to see mummy treated this way,that this is the way you deal with anger and grow up thinking this is the way you should treat women.

You really don't have to live like this.He is a bully and he wants his own way.The incident of the tv is just an example of how he will not compromise, it's just about him controlling the house.
I had the exact same comments about "turning the dc against him" its said so you are afraid to comment and its highly effective!

I also had the super nice phase but it was when I was being compliant.I remember getting flowers for being a fab mum and then a few days later "he couldn't trust me as a parent".When I was given the flowers I didn't react joyously as I knew, by then, his mood would change.Once you realise the pattern and how it never changes only ever seems to get worse its easier to leave.

I was fortunate that my family helped me see that I wasnt in a normal relationship with the usual ups & downs.We could have had a lovely family life as everything was going so well but my ex's abusive triggers were not caused by me, the dc or external factors..just his sense of entitlement, he deserved to rule the house.

Is this normal?

When he is tired he nods off on the sofa, I leave him to it but the moment I take the remote he wakes and claims it. I sit there having to watch crap on tv and watching him nodding off.

When I nod off on the sofa, he coughs loud and nudges me so I wake. He then grumpily says 'why don't you go to bed!'
I just feel like I can't do anything without him getting involved, not even have a bloody minute of closed eyes on my own sofa!!

You could choose to not give the remote control back.

You could choose to go upstairs and read a book or watch Netflix on your phone if you don't like what he's watching.

No, it is not normal for you to hand over the remote on demand and to always agree to watch what he wants. You are not behaving normally there.

If you go do your own thing when he's like this how does he react?

I do stand up to him but it does cause world war 3 and he really cannot be wrong or take any remote criticism, I try to be nice and tell him in a kind way and he just starts to list all the things he does and how no one sees that. This makes me feel bad then and I just end up giving up.

If someone says anything he takes it as such a bad criticism and over reacts to it. You can't say 'I wish you wouldn't be rude to people' he will then swing it round 'I can't be myself can I without people calling me'
I can't say 'you're making our son feel uncomfortable by slamming around and sighing' he will say 'I can't even close a door without being accused of slamming it, and everyone sighs!! It's natural, but because it's me it's an issue again, you bully me'

I get nowhere with it