Why does he do this?

[hadabellyfull]

Does anyone's else's partner do this?

If I don't wake up and hug him (or have sex) or kiss him and I get straight up to do chores like peg out washing, and tidy up, does anyone else's DH stomp around slam around and not speak to you? He threw his laptop into the kitchen table this morning. Slammed the bathroom door and hasn't spoken to me since I got up. My anxiety is beating away in my chest!

Tbf we haven't had sex for a while, but he swore on my sons life last week that he didn't want to be with me anymore cos I had a moan about his moody behaviour, and I can't forgive him for it... it's all a mess but he's really getting me down and I don't think I like him anymore

ZeroFeedback then why mention it at all if it doesn't apply here?

hadabellyful: get the book, I wished i read it BEFORE i left. Write down each of your fears and think about each one. I am still co dependent on my ex, I am still pandering to him and his self pitying shit. Still working on removing myself as slowly as possible (we have 2 kids so I can't just cut him off).

Things that i was worried about initially: finances (he got an inheritance pay out as he didn't work).
Splitting the time with the kids: this was hard, but I worked through it and decided it was better for the kids to have a happy functioning mum half the time than a miserable sad mum all the time (well not all but increasingly so in the last 18 months)
Being alone: I actually like my own company, and after years of not having my own autonomy in decision making, this I looked forward too and now relish. Literally because of his moods everything I did or said would be considered so I didnt upset him. One day he would be fine, next day, same thing, he would cause an issue. I never knew where I was.
Family and friends and what they would say: I started talking to a few trusted people honestly and I realised I had support and those whole truely cared for me, would be supportive. My friendships have been given a new lease of life.

I would never encourage someone to LTB but only you know your circumstances. You either deal with his moods for the rest of your life or make a decision to leave. Because he won't change, or not enough. My ex has tried to "win" me back with the same pattern of behaviour as before I left. He is erratic and up and down and actually seems crazy. He isn't.

Keep posting on here,

I would not leap to LTB, sometimes for the reasons I put in my previous post, followed by

But...

Not a lot I have read in your posts tells me he is unaware and just one of those who needs to be given a chance to work on things.

Think that's me saying despite my 'privilege' DH in this case is not someone I feel much sympathy for based on what op has put.

Thought it was checked tbh

Feeling rejected can make people lash out and get grumpy but...

They don't stomp about, slam door and slam computers into tables though do they, the man is an aggressive bully, nothing else.

No excuse whatsoever for his behaviour, it's disgusting.

And any MAN that behaves like this due to not getting sex, a cuddle, a kiss, whatever is still an abusive arsehole.

Pudding,

I can't believe how much we are similar. Everything you have written is exactly how I feel.

I feel like I am unhappy. Fact. I feel suppressed and suffocated. I really feel low today and my anxiety is hitting the roof.

I just don't know what to think anymore!

hadabellyfull: it took me 18 months of pure unhappiness but putting a brave face on every day and trying so very hard to keep him happy to get the courage to leave. 6 months before I left he put his hands round my throat after a drunken night out. I still couldn't pluck up the courage to leave. It was toxic. Most people cannot understand who know the truth why I still care about him and indeed love him. Its difficult to explain because when his moods were good and even we got on really well.

Get the book. Seriously.It will open your eyes. I was with my ex from the age of 17. I am now 38, 2 kids 9 and 5, and even with all the shit he is throwing at me know, I finally know my own thoughts again. I also felt like I was being suffocated, i couldn't breathe without him commenting or feeling insecure. Its horrible.

PM me if you want. Big hugs.

How do I pm? can't work out where I do it!

It's on the far right on the blue bar above the post

Says " message poster "

The bar may not be blue if you use a different colour scheme.

I've done it. I'm on the netmums app for iPhone, had to load it on desktop site instead. X

< whispers > don't mention netmums around here

Pmsl I mean Mumsnet of course lol x

PM me too if you like OP, I have lived parts of this (esp C0RAL's bit about it not being a proper hit if it's with an open fist).

Am I reading into things?

I posted a photo of me having fun washing car with my son, I also posted on Facebook a pic of me and his friends playing in the garden. My H comes in from work, goes up stairs gets his towel comes down and says 'let's go to the sauna!'

He drives me mental. Why doesn't he come home and say come on let's have a water fight, or come on let's go to the park? Let's go to a sauna on the hottest day of the year this year...

Did you go to the sauna?

Runrabbit

I did go, I couldn't work out if he was being nice or controlling. I really need to some opinions on this.

A) he's thought that it'd be nice to chill out and rest as we both been a bit stressed

B) he saw the photos on Facebook of me having fun with my son and decided he wanted the attention

C) he just fancied going to the sauna.

Hmmmm.

In the nicest possible way op, why did you go along to the sauna without a murmur if it wasn't something that you really wanted to do? Why not suggest going to the park?
I know it's difficult, but you do sound rather passive in this relationship.

I did say it's too hot, but he went on to explain how it would be nice to chill and chat and yeah I went along with it. My main concern is why he suggested it. Am I looking into things too much? Or should I be happy to go?

Erm, why are you talking about his intentions? That's irrelevant to what you want. You wanted to stay doing what you were doing. You didn't want to do what he wanted. What have his intentions got to do with it?

Have you lost sight of your own thoughts, feelings, opinions?

Exactly, rabbit.

Do you know what rabbit, maybe I have. You pointing that out was like a flash of lightening! I'm probably bringing the way I feel on myself by just doing what he wants all the time.

I'm probably bringing the way I feel on myself by just doing what he wants all the time.
Wow, you are determined to make yourself a deserving victim!
Can't you think "I made a mistake with the sauna and regretted it, next time I'll do what I want instead." without self-flagellating?

I remember wondering why I was so doormattish and just did what my h wanted all the time, having forgotten by that stage all the grief I used to get if I tried to do what I want. And we always ended up doing what he wanted, because he wore me down or just because he was happy not to play fair.

Charlotte this is it. It's easy for people to make judgements about others on this, but i genuinely needed help, I am not trying to make myself out to be a victim like some have accused me of, I just wanted another point of view. One min it's my fault for being a doormat the next I'm playing the victim. I can't win really, but nor do I want to.

When I posted this I just wanted input into whether my experiences were what anyone else was experiencing, and for a bit of emotional support. Thanks for those of you who have helped me to understand things.