Friend really upset me - should I tell him?

[Yellowaardvark]

Or am I being daft?

I have a close male friend. We went out last night in a group, and afterward he insisted on seeing me to a cab, which he always does. I fancied a walk though and was perfectly happy to do so alone but he wanted to see me to a cab so much our weird compromise was walking together to another cab rank about a ten minute walk away. Thing is though he was clearly frustrated by me throughout the walk, clearly wasn't enjoying my company and even at one point telling me to hurry up and walk faster. This just made me feel terrible especially as it's happened before once when he insisted on coming with me to get a burger only to tell me to eat faster.

Should I say something to him? We are usually pretty open with each other but him insisting on remaining in my company when he clearly didn't want to upset me as it was quite awful and has worsened the social anxiety I've had recently

I can't believe what I'm reading...! I wish this was my only gripe right now!

I find that sort of 'I wish I had your non-problems!' post quite self-absorbed.

The OP has every right to discuss this issue on here - she's not claiming 'problem top trumps'.

Of course she isn't his dependant but any decent man would make sure that any female companion of his that had been drinking was safely on her way home.

I'm sure we have all been there with a pissed up friend that wants to drag things out when we know it's time for them to go home and we also just want to get home.

It seems men can't do right for doing wrong though.

I can't believe someone can read this thread and call the OP controlling! Bloody hell!

"
If you want to go for a walk imo a city centre after a night out is not the wisest idea! "
Quite likely how did he get to where he was going after dropping te op off?

Spookle the op wanted to go home and as a fully capable adult shouldn't have to answer to him.

Exactly TheOnly! This is an everyday sexism issue, I think.

Not because of a kind offer, but because the guy was irritable, called the shots, put his idea of what should be happening over the OP's.

Thanks for the posts.

What do I want from this? Good question... I suppose that it doesn't happen again and I feel bad? That's a good question though. Maybe I am just feeling generally insecure hence the need to step back and get busy!

Do I have feelings? No, but the friendship means a lot to me. He's probably one of my friends I talk to the most often

Lol @ beers shits. Maybe what I really want now is to get that mental image out of my head

Atrocious that's an interesting point about everyday sexism

Men are statistically more likely to be victims of a violent crime than women.

Statistically, women are more likely to be sexually assaulted by a man they know than a stranger lurking behind a lamp post on a well-lit, busy road.

Adult women are capable of making their own risk assessments and should be able to go about life without a man not only insisting he knows better, but also getting the hump when the woman doesn't behave exactly as he thinks she should.

I don't think you did anything wrong, OP, he's an arse who mistakes infantalising you (be it because you are a woman, or because of your friendship dynamic, I don't know) for being a knight in shining armour.

I think it sounds like you resolved it though. I doubt he'll change his behaviour. I knew a guy like this, I got more assertive and he didn't not like it.

Yes. If I'd been the op I'd have been tempted to say "if you're in a hurry go on ahead" perfectly reasonable.

I walked back with someone on a course I was attending. Very nice of him to offer as I didn't know the way. When we got closer and I knew where I was t became clear he walked faster than me and was in a hurry (I wasn't ) so I thanked him and told him to go on ahead, which he did. Two adults, taking responsibility for their own priorities

Welk I do agree with what you've written other than calling him an arse. His behaviour was at the time bit it might seem as though he's taken the ops points on board quite graciously. Time will tell I suppose.

Yea that's true, Stealth. I read "ok l, sure thing" as a "yea, whatever you say, love" but I'm projecting

We'll give the benefit of the doubt for now

So OP did not want to leave but friend made her leave. He took her to a taxi rank despite her saying she want to walk. Then refused to let her walk and wouldn't let go until the "I'll walk you to the next taxi rank" compromise has been reached. Then he gets short with her and tells her off for being too slow.

But OP is the controlling one?

i don't think he's an arse at all - he is a nice guy. Hopefully things don't get weird but as pps have rightly said I won't over think it and see what happens

If he showed the OP the same courtesy instead of sending her home when he decided she'd been out long enough, none if this would have been an issue*

Yep^^ gawd this thread is cringy. Still so many woman who want a man to protect them secretly.

OP let it go, if he's that close a friend you should be able to talk about it face to face the next time you are out. Also learn to say no to him, he's not your dad.

None of the people who think it's all about safety have answered me - what about his safety after he'd dropped te op off? He will then have been on his own.

Because all the people who think it's about safety subscribe to outdated/untrue stereoptypes: That a man's role is to protect a woman; that a man needs to treat a woman with a special sort of chivalry; that a man is less likely to be attacked than a woman; that a woman is more likely to be sexually assaulted by a random stranger than by someone she knows; that women are less capable than men at looking after themselves...

OP don't fret. If he is a true friend he should respect and accept that you are an adult and capable of making your own decisions. That's what it comes down to.

If he has been such a good friend for a long time don't you make allowances for minor grumpiness or do you take everything so personally?

This. Even the closest best friends get arsey with each other sometimes. We're all human.

He sounds controlling and overbearing. It may have been alcohol induced behaviour but I would have felt uncomfortable with it too.

So your friend what to go home and you did not . Would you be happy with him saying so.and leaving you put on your own.

If it was my daughter, I would appreciate that someone ensured she returned home safely. If it was me, equally I would be grateful for his care and concern. I would not make a feminism issue out of it. It is a man doing a simple act of kindness out of concern for her safety.

Mistic would you really? You would really appreciate some disregarding what you want and refusing to let you do it because of "care and concern"? Where would it stop?