My dh hates the fact I've been married before

[Betterloveme]

When we first got together we never really spoke about exes or past relationships but I always assumed he knew I'd been married before.
We work at the same place although not in same department and people at work know I've been married before so I wrongly assumed he knew too.

Anyway, cut to 2 years later after he's proposed to me - a few months after when we are talking about our wedding I started to realize he didn't know I'd been married before by something he said. So I casually said 'you do know I've been married before don't you?'
He was so upset, caused a huge argument and him sulking for a day or so.

Anyway I asked him if he wanted to call our wedding off (still in early stages so wouldn't have lost anything) but he said no.

4 years later... he STILL brings it up in every argument!! In my mind it's ridiculous as it was before I met him, it's in my past, my face no ties or contact with ex h had I honestly did think he knew but he says I kept it s secret from him!!

What would you do? Is it me?!

I find it incredible that you didn't mention that you'd been married.

I don't read betrayal as affair, but lying. As in OP saying I can't believe you lied to me and betrayed me like this and her DH saying elk now you know how it feels when you didn't tell me you were married until I proposed 2 years later etc

interesting how many posters immediately assume affair.

I agree it is a stick. Conveniently handy when you can't do anything about it.
I agree that it is part of the cheater's script to find fault in the partner to save face (in some sort of perverted way). But usually the cheating and fault finding run concurrent. Your past seems to be a blanket carte blanche that he wants to use as a free pass to do anything and shut you up about it. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Imho, this just stinks of being premeditated on his part. It is plausible, just, that he was the only one in the whole work place that didn't know you were previously married. It is plainly duplicitous to ban the subject and then be all drama llama when information surfaces. When he found out before marrying, you offered to walk, but he wouldn't let it be a deal breaker (because it is a golden stick).

I can not help but to think what is he hiding in his past that requires this constant fabricated smoke screen of distraction focused on you?

Sorry, I don't think this relationship will go the distance. Knowing that, it is best to cut your losses (the time that is your life wasted on this loser) sooner rather than later. Let him use someone else.

I agree, TPGlitter. Cheating, lying, being indiscreet regarding privacy, cessation of communication to result in embarrassment for her...Perhaps not all the same value of hurt, but still a betrayal. What did he do, Better ?

Doing a tit-for-tat to prove a point? Does he feel better now that he has tried to get revenge? There, there, isn't he the big dog now?
It is clear that this bloke is immature in a way that he should just not embark on adult relationships. All the previous short term relationship of his may point to this.

You should hate the fact that you're married now. To a prize arsehole.

Trolls is a very good point

He didn't know you'd been married? How on earth does that happen?? That is one of the first conversations you have with a new DP isn't it? It does seem very odd that you don't discuss ex's at all. Aren't they a big part of who you are? I don't believe you should talk about them incessantly obviously but it's part of your past and normal to say 'I've been there...' etc. Why be jealous about an ex? They are an ex for a reason. This is all very odd.

It has been my experience that men who don't want to know about their current partner's former exes are men who don't have much by way of relationship history themselves and/or who see themselves as somehow "owning" their partner.

You say that your husband had been mostly single before he met you, with his longest previous relationship lasting only 8 months. I think you're now finding out why it is that he struggles to form lasting relationships.

I can understand why you didn't tell him that your were previously married - you already knew him and assumed that he would know, as others within that circle did, and then he denied you the opportunity to talk about it because he didn't want to know about previous relationships, which brings me back to my initial point. And leaves you with a man who is very insecure, probably feels inadequate, and instead of being able to trust you, his wife, prefers instead to blame you.

A golden stick, as a pp describes it.

OP, I imagine that if you were to meet up with any of his exes, somewhere there'd be the same case scenario. Insecurity and jealousy on his part of their "past".

Please, end this. I imagine even couselling will not shift his deep rooted inability to accept that you were not "pure" (dont mean virginal) in terms of attachment when you two met.

I think you're the problem OP to be honest.

You were together for 2 years and you never thought to mention you had been married before, seriously?

No wonder he was pissed off. I don't condone him bringing it up continuously as he shouldn't have married you if it was going to be an issue but I don't understand how he didn't know.

You should have told him from the beginning but it's too late now.

If your DH knew he was going to punish you forever about this, he never should have married you. What was his motivation, I wonder? Well, he's managing to betray (cheat?) you and thinks he's justified in doing so. Mind games.

I appreciate this doesn't add anything but he sounds like a massive idiot and needs to grow up.
Adults usually have exes, fact.

When he did find out you offered him the chance not to marry you. He still wanted to go ahead. Therefore now he should shut the fuck up.

He's looking for excuses to be "hurt" by you.

I hope your DH3 is nicer.