I would not have a problem if my partner had an affair

[lickmylegs]

I've read a lot of posts here about affairs. I'm trying to reason with my feelings. If my partner had an affair - it really wouldn't bother me?? But why do I feel this way??

If Monogamy's not your thing

It doesn't HAVE to bother you. People have open relationships - some don't work because of jealousy, others do. I know I couldn't have an open relationship and I know I would be devastated if my DH had an affair. But each to their own.

I think its a guy too by the way--secondMrsAshwell

I don't want to be all OTT and dramatic, but actually if DP cheated on me I would be devastated. I wouldn't be able to get past it and continue the relationship as it is with him. I've no idea what I would do, as I can't live alone (health and therefore associated financial issues)...

Whether that is social norms that I have taken on and now fully believe in or if that's just the sort of person I am, I'm not sure. But that's how I feel, I know I would be a mess.

If you treasure the exclusivity of your sexual relationship, and believe and trust in it utterly, then the discovery that the other person has, quite consciously and deliberately and systematically, allowed themselves to go elsewhere and indulge every sexual whim and urge they have with another person, and still maintain their sexual relationship with you, under the continuing guise of precious exclusivity, then ... yes, it does decimate your life, and you do end up a total mess.

If it's all known and agreed and accepted and hey cool, then I guess that's a joint choice and it's ok. I think this scenario, though, is probably less common. But it's ok as doesn't involve lying.