I literally have zero friends

[loveinasuitcase]

I know this type of thread has probably came up loads, but I actually have zero friends. Like as in of any kind. No share a coffee type friends, no go to the pub or a movie types of friends. No one I could call if I was in trouble. No one to go on girls night with. No one to have any type of relationship at all.
I am married, but anyone who talks to me only knows me through my DH and even then no one would ever dream of asking me to join them.
I thought yesterday that if I died, precisely no one would be at my funeral for me. They would only be there to support DH. I am a nice person and I think I am quite attractive ( not a brag, people often tell DH he is punching well above his weight with me etc) so I genuinely don't understand why I don't have a friend.
I didn't have any friends in high school either but I've not been bullied or anything and people would talk to me but would never call me or anything.
I am nearing 40 and I have never been to the pictures with a couple of girlfriends or been out to the pub with friends.
I've never been in anyone's wedding. I didn't even have bridesmaids in mine because I literally didn't have anyone to ask.
I've never had a girls holiday or weekend away.
I really don't understand it at all and I feel really cheated out of the whole part of a woman's life.
It's bothering me lately as DH and I have fell out this week and I have no one to talk to about anything.

You need to make the effort. Invite people to do something on a certain date. Exchange phone numbers.

In regards to small talk. Ask the person lots of questions and really listen. Be interested in them. Have a laugh about little things.

I think attractiveness is irrelevant. resting bitch face is.

Maybe ASD might be worth checking out

I agree with what others have said about doing the asking. I have moved cities several times as an adult and have found I need to make a real effort to build friendships. I have to pull out all my bravery and do stuff likeask if a mum from school or wherever wants to get coffee, or arrange a dinner out, or join a bookclub and build from there. People who have established friendship groups may not think to ask so you have to be brave and go for it. I've also found having a coffee while the kids play has helped for friendships or inviting a kid and mum over for a pizza playdate on a Friday after school, where the kids watch a movie and eat pizza and the mums have a glass of wine helps. But you do have to take action, despite it being scary, if being passive and waiting hasn't worked. And I wouldn't put an age cap on it. You can still make friends with much younger or older women through shared interests (wine! Books! Movies! Whatever!).

Friendlessfred - your post (what you say about yourself) is so sad and what that person said is horrible. I know self-esteem plays a huge part in all of this. I don't really have many friends, I'm in my 50s and live in the south east. Happy to be friends with any of you who want to communicate online or meet up. Just PM me.

I've just moved to the SW and don't know anyone at all. Had a few close friends and lots of acquaintances back home but that took years to build up as I used to have bad social anxiety. I'm a lot more confident and agree with pp who say you just have to be brave, put yourself out there and ask people for coffee/wine. Think about how lovely it would be if someone did that to you - you could be that person, be brave!

Op I'm in the Glasgow area too.

Hi I'm similar, in late 40s but no children and not working because of long term health problems. I don't suppose anyone else is in mid to north Essex?

I would be happy to chat with people on FB

I met my best bud on Netmums meet ups! I've got lots of friends from uni but spread around the country, and lost touch with all my school friends apart from one who lives at the other end of the country now!

Be proactive, use a meet up site then you know you're both looking for the same thing. It might take a few goes but you'll get there!

Op all i can say is dont give up ! I was in the same boat that you describe. After being socially knocked back many times, i thought it was logical not to put myself in that position so stopped trying. Result was i havent been out of the house without dh more than 3 times in last 3 years, even then its not to socialise with anyone else. I have a walking problem but to be honest its the always being alone thats holding me back. I wish i hadnt given up. Im pretty sure you are a sound person, you need to manufacture a social life (anywhere non cliquey - meetup etc) try lots of things and keep it up .

I think there are a lot of isolated, but lovely people out there i wish you a lot of luck with plugging on!

I'm in the Glasgow area too OP I'd be happy to meet up.

I have a small but tight group of friends, a few from school, university and through DH. It is hard but sometimes you can be in a place that doesn't fit. I lived somewhere in Bedfordshire for 4 years and made 0 friends.

We had a housewarming party where only people we already knew turned up. I volunteered at a youth group where the only time I got spoken too what if I spoke first or if they wanted something from me.

Thing was, once we moved to the West Midlands we got to know new people within a few months of living there.

I have suspected (undiagnosed - but am going to push it once I get a new job) ASD. I have at times been described as being 'too real' or even intimidating. It could be that but it still sucks. I think it is better to be authentic - eventually it's a case of quality over quantity.

Maybe we could have a PM group here - I'm happy to contact and meet up. I wonder if there is more societal pressure for women to be more gregarious. Thing is I am quite a solitary person but I do like my friend gatherings - we usually are doing something planned that we like as well.

This thread ought to keep on. Or am I doing what I do best and kill the thread? Oh the irony...

Friendlessfred - just wanted to give you

you sound incredibly down on yourself. I know it's easy for me to say you should look at the huge amount you have to offer because you won't. Please be kind to yourself xx

It's easy for me to say but if you want to make friends think of the things you'd like to do and do them - that is one way of meeting people. Ultimately, you have to put yourself out there - it doesn't always work even.

friendlessfred Don't be so down on yourself - do not feel obligated to socialize with collegues - it sounds like although you are down on yourself, you do have a decent QC for friends - some people never learn to get one.

How about a fb group for the "friendless"? No expectations, no judgement etc? I'd be up for that.

No helpful advice, in fact I'm hoping for some: just wanted to say I'm another one in the same boat.

Bad case of resting bitch face caused by horrendous social anxiety.

South Lanarkshire here. I'd be up for a meet up.

I struggle to go from casual chat to anything more. I have two children with asd and a lot on my plate. But I do get lonely. I'm north Essex . Happy to chat via MN if no one is local.

Anyone near to Southend-on-Sea??? X

I'm in the West Midlands if there is anyone local?

Anyone close Blackburn?

Bit late to the thread 😕
But another one here op! Your not alone,
Im happy to chat anytime 'just pm me'
Im in the northwest if anybody's my end and fancies meeting up for cuppa, shopping, nights out.

Infact you can all come over 😊 ha!

I love my dc's but at 18 & 21 there busy clubbing so 41 year old mum isn't needed after the shirts are ironed lol!

Hope to hear from someone......anyone ??? Lol!

Pandamanda3 I'm from Chorley. Is that near you?