I literally have zero friends

[loveinasuitcase]

I know this type of thread has probably came up loads, but I actually have zero friends. Like as in of any kind. No share a coffee type friends, no go to the pub or a movie types of friends. No one I could call if I was in trouble. No one to go on girls night with. No one to have any type of relationship at all.
I am married, but anyone who talks to me only knows me through my DH and even then no one would ever dream of asking me to join them.
I thought yesterday that if I died, precisely no one would be at my funeral for me. They would only be there to support DH. I am a nice person and I think I am quite attractive ( not a brag, people often tell DH he is punching well above his weight with me etc) so I genuinely don't understand why I don't have a friend.
I didn't have any friends in high school either but I've not been bullied or anything and people would talk to me but would never call me or anything.
I am nearing 40 and I have never been to the pictures with a couple of girlfriends or been out to the pub with friends.
I've never been in anyone's wedding. I didn't even have bridesmaids in mine because I literally didn't have anyone to ask.
I've never had a girls holiday or weekend away.
I really don't understand it at all and I feel really cheated out of the whole part of a woman's life.
It's bothering me lately as DH and I have fell out this week and I have no one to talk to about anything.

I met my BF at university and we see each other at least once a fortnight.
I think a lot of it is proximity I moved away from my home town and whilst I keep in touch with friends from there, it's hard to be really close unless you're involved in the small details of someone's life.

I've made some friends through DS's school chums - it's taken a long time to move from chatting at the school gates, to meeting for lunch and walks and now to planning a trip away next year. I've also expanded my circle by starting a book club on our street.

I try not to have high expectations of people. I have periods when I'm working hard and just can't fit everything in and I expect that other people are the same. An old friend recently re-contacted me and now after having little/no contact for around 10 years, she's staying with me when over next week and I'm delighted.

I embrace FB. I know it's a bit corny and cheesy but it's a good way to keep up to date with people.

I do wonder from your OP if you might appear a bit standoffish? You mention your attractiveness and I have to say that should have zero relevance to the number of friends you have.

If you work you could start initiating lunches out/after work events - many people like to go to those, and/or mums night out if you have DCs at school/nursery.
It does sound a bit as if you're waiting for others to make the effort, whereas something I've learned as an adult is if you make enough things happen, then generally something or somebody will stick.

Hi OP I completely sympathise am in a similar position (a little too early for wine!). Mush is a good app to find local mums who want to make friends, and there is a MN Social page on Facebook too.

This is the page so you can recognise it x

Just a thought OP....

I have to make a real effort to make friends. I am above average in the looks department. No supermodel but tall/slim.

I have lost count over the years of the friends I have made who have said "I tried to hate you when I first met you because I don't like pretty girls/tall women bla bla but you are quite nice actually".

I coupled that with my slightly quirky personality and realised I'm not everyone's cup of tea. As I have aged, it's become much easier to make friends. I also take rejection far better.

I have moved to a new area and smile slightly insanely and chat to everyone I meet. I think most run a mile but eventually I pick up a few friends.

I would agree with a PP about not seeing every conversation as the chance to meet a soul mate. Lower the standard a little and embrace rejection and feel the freedom.

Thank you again everyone for all your replies and suggestions. I have taken everything on board. It's been a real eye opener to see how many other people feel this same kind of loneliness and none of us know who else might be in a similar situation! For all I know, one of the school mums I say hello to in the mornings, she may well be very lonely too.

I am sure the problem lies in the fact that I struggle to make small talk. My mind races a bit when I meet people I don't know well and I internally panic for ideas on chit chat type convo.
Interestingly, when I am with my DH and we are chatting to someone, I feel a touch more confident and I don't panic as much with making conversation flow.

I have talked to DH often about my lack of friendship and he is always encouraging me to get to know people, ask the mums back for coffee, etc, but as I said, he is extremely outgoing and charismatic and doesn't have the same issues of making the leap of conversation turning into plans.

I get on well with people, all of DH friends like me and I think basically, people would not guess by talking to me that I am lonely person.

I don't know if this is a real thing or not, but my sister, along with quite a few other people I have known over the years, have all jokingly told me I have a bad case of Resting Bitch Face

I never knew what to say to that. I always have that in my mind, so I try to be smiling lots to try and counteract it lol

Anyways thanks again, I think I will take the plunge and invite a school mum for coffee one morning and also, thank you for all the lovely PM's I received, hopefully we can arrange a wee meet up for a few of us ladies in the Glasgow area xx

I suggest that rather than waiting to be asked, you need to do the organising and the asking yourself.
So ask some mums for coffee, arrange a drinks night, start with school gates mums and mums of the dc friends.
Can you do some couples stuff with your dh's friends?
And join something sociable that you have an interest in or do some volunteering.
Maybe your retail job is the wrong job for you if you chose it for social reasons?
My top tips for making friends are smile a lot and be interested in other people, ask them about themselves. Give out a few genuine compliments. Ask for their opinions or advice on stuff. Volunteer to help people out and ask for their help too. And Don't try to come over as too perfect!

I have no advice. I only came here to say I am on the exact same boat.

FormerNymphet where abouts are you from? You

Sorry don't know why I said you and the end of my comment???

I think having a bestest buddy who comes for coffee and you chat for hours about everything, is probably what you want, but is hard to achieve imv.
What is a better bet ime is to go to do things. walking/ art/ crafts/ choir/ tennis / book club/ photography/ antiquarian society/ amateur dramatics / horseriding. Then you are just mixing with people but not 'getting to know them' more it is getting to know yourself when you stretch yourself with new interests. And if you are enjoying what you are doing along with others enjoying what they are doing then that is a big thing in common to have and you are more likely to strike up a friendship.
And maybe avoid doing stuff along with DH if he is just dominating the group.

Are you asking people to do stuff with you,OP? I can't tell from what you've written. If not, then that's what you need to do to start. I wouldn't start with coffee if you aren't good at small talk. How about an activity that someone might like to do? Then you have a built in conversation topic. For example, I have a good friend I made because we worked together, both wanted to swim more, so we started going together once a week. She was just someone I worked with before we started.

The important thing is to be proactive. It can be intimidating at first, but people aren't going to run after you to be your friend.

I completely understand how the op feels and constantly think of ways where I could potentially met new people but never seem to have the confidence /time .I am also from the Glasgow area and would love to arrange a meet up

Lol. I am in Stockport, greater Manchester.

Hi OP. I'm in Ayrshire, Just half an hour down the road, will PM you.

I'd be up for a Glasgow MN meet up.

(Well I would if I could work out how to PM on this app! )

Everything you have said OP really resonates with me so much.

A few PPs have mentioned this already but have you looked into Aspergers/Autism Spectrum Disorder (High Functioning Autism)?

You mentioned Resting Bitch Face which is actually called Flat Affect I think.

This blog post describes it very well
www.google.ie/amp/s/musingsofanaspie.com/2012/10/10/you-scare-me/amp/

I personally think it's better to deal with a known issue than always wondering what's wrong with me.

Good luck.

Former I'm in sunny Stockport this morning - hello

Friendships don't just happen by Shasta Nelson is a book on the subject which I found useful.

People comment on my wide circle of friends but it's only through effort and persistence I have them. As others have said you need to be prepared to initiate things over and over again. I have a lovely friend of 20 odd years who literally never contacts me but always responds when I message her and we meet around once a month. The vast majority of my social "events" from coffee to weekends away are organised by me

In terms of worrying what to talk about just ask questions and focus on them people are usually happy to chat about themselves!

You mentioned Resting Bitch Face which is actually called Flat Affect I think.

I don't think these things are the same.

Flat Affect is associated with autism and is a presentation without any or limited facial expression. Facial apathy - even when trying to smile or looking engaged.

Bitchy resting face is when your face is totally relaxed (ie. not trying to smile or look engaged) that features of your face naturally look negative - bitchy, superior or grumpy - without any effort.

An example of bitchy resting face would be if (when you are facially relaxed) the corners of your mouth turn down - an upside down U (rather than your centre lip line forming a neutral flat line or corners turning slightly up). A viewer registers "sad". Another example is people who have deep frown lines between their eyebrows, furrowed when relaxed. Viewer registers "hostile" or "grumpy".

Oh hello Username!

There are some who are posting to be a friend to you. Why not contact them and even if you don't live in their area you could always communicate via the internet/facebook. It is someone to talk to and share concerns/stories etc.
If you contact me via this page I'll give you a way of contacting me and we can have a chat anytime you like. I'm in my 50's and live in the West Midlands with my hubbie and daughter.

I feel very similar op but I have thousands of acquaintances. I know literally thousands of people but not one would think to ask me to meet for a coffee/drink etc. I made no mum friends at the school gates but talk to people in passing. I have no idea how to make the step from casual acquaintance to even just hang out buddies once in a while. I was once told by a guy (who was interested in me) that I always seemed aloof, I'm autistic and can't bloody help that but maybe that's the air I give off and it puts people off. I also wonder if knowing so many people means everyone assumes I must have other friends elsewhere and so they don't make the effort. In the end I stopped trying and stopped letting myself feel bad. I get lonely but I enjoy online interactions and get the same social fulfilment from them but with more control over when and where. I've tried clubs and classes and get on great with people in casual interactions but no proper friendships come from it. I have learned to accept that's just me, I didn't have to accept that and I could make more of an effort but 40+ years of this and the expectation of rejection is too great to bother.

I'm the same, with the added complication of being fat, ugly and generally a waste of space. There is no reason for anybody to want to be friends with me so I don't try any more - hell, I don't want to spend time with me so why would anybody else want to.

There are no photos of me, I haven't been to a social event with others in about 10 years, I've never been to a wedding or baptism, a hen party, dinner at somebodies house, to the pub for drinks or a meal, out with work colleagues or to school reunions. I'm just one of those unpleasant people - I was thinking the other day of a work social event when I was in my first job, I went and somebody commented that they had hoped that the attractive people would come but instead I turned up. That was the first and last work social that I went to.