I literally have zero friends

[loveinasuitcase]

I know this type of thread has probably came up loads, but I actually have zero friends. Like as in of any kind. No share a coffee type friends, no go to the pub or a movie types of friends. No one I could call if I was in trouble. No one to go on girls night with. No one to have any type of relationship at all.
I am married, but anyone who talks to me only knows me through my DH and even then no one would ever dream of asking me to join them.
I thought yesterday that if I died, precisely no one would be at my funeral for me. They would only be there to support DH. I am a nice person and I think I am quite attractive ( not a brag, people often tell DH he is punching well above his weight with me etc) so I genuinely don't understand why I don't have a friend.
I didn't have any friends in high school either but I've not been bullied or anything and people would talk to me but would never call me or anything.
I am nearing 40 and I have never been to the pictures with a couple of girlfriends or been out to the pub with friends.
I've never been in anyone's wedding. I didn't even have bridesmaids in mine because I literally didn't have anyone to ask.
I've never had a girls holiday or weekend away.
I really don't understand it at all and I feel really cheated out of the whole part of a woman's life.
It's bothering me lately as DH and I have fell out this week and I have no one to talk to about anything.

I understand completely OP.
My DD is 24 has no friends. Through no fault of her own. She just was never popular.
She would love to be socialising every weekend like others her age but she has no-one.
She has never had a boyfriend or a relationship.
Sometimes I despair.
She is very pretty very sociable and witty and has a lovely job but no one where she would meet people her own age.
She is a size 18 and with regard to boys they don't seem to see past this.

I'm the same. I do have 'friends' but nobody I could call on in an emergency. We never meet Up or go out. They are mainly friends through work. I stand on my own at the school gates everyone else seems to have their own clique. My DP has loads of friends too. I often get really upset about it, I joke about it with DP that I have no friends but really if I didn't have DP I'd have nobody really.

It makes me sad that there are so many lonely people around. I think loneliness is a real problem in our society.

Have you tried joining the school PTA OP? Or you could go canvassing for whichever political party you support?

Its hard makimg friends. I drifted apart from my friends as I got married and had children early and they were still partying being carefree. They're now settling down and having children 10 years later as I'm coming out the otherwise and have more free time. Unfortunately I never really made close school run mum friends. I can't say I'm lonely but sometimes it would be nice to have someone's company.

I'll be your friend
?

Yup me. I've never seem to ever found my tribe. I'd love to have good close friends but its just never happened.

Thank you to all you lovely people 💗
I am a terribly lonely person. I immigrated to Scotland from North America and even though I have been here for 15 years, I do still struggle with British people and how reserved they can be. I am on the PTA (DH is chair of PTA, of course, mr outgoing!)
I work part time in a retail job as I don't really need to work, but I do it to keep me busy and the goal was to meet new people. I think I do everything correctly on paper...
Work, PTA, talk to mums at school gates, added them on FB.

The only reason I mentioned my looks, is because I wanted to put across that I am not a troll or smelly or anything like this that might be inhibiting my ability to make friends.

I would absolutely make friends with a horse mum, or a goth or even a young teenage mum.
I'm in the Glasgow area -ish so if anyone see this from there, then I'd jump at the chance to meet someone like me who struggles with loneliness.

I'm from South Yorkshire, Scotlands a bit far. Does anyone know of any apps or websites for meeting friends that aren't dating?

I'm in Ayrshire and could have written this myself. Will send you a message.

Absolute other end of the country unfortunately but you sound fab and I'd definitely have wanted to meet you for a coffee.

We relocated to a new area and had to start again with friends - mine came from a combination of work (sociable office) school, courses I did for interest and a book club.

It took a while and a lot of effort. Keep going

I am in Somerset, so a big hello from the SW!
I have found this too, especially since moving away from my hometown.
I was wrapped up in myself for a while but I have found it abit harder to connect with people as i have got older :(

Try Mush. It is an app to meet new Mums locally. Might sound strange but I am on Mat Leave and have made some brilliant friends via this. It can take a few tries and I was nervous but it seemed to be more acceptable to try to make friends this way. Never met any via baby groups. I had just move to a new area also, so it really helped me out. I find it hard to make friends too, never really did via work!

I feel for you OP, it is really hard when you realise that everyone else has something you don't. I'm friends with a few school mums and they all go to Center Parcs together and hang out drinking wine in each other's hot tubs. I once made the mistake of volunteering myself to join them, which was met with tumbleweed!

It's odd as they all like and at my FB posts but when I see them in person it's like they don't know me. Stupid internet. At least we have MN though!

I joined Mush after seeing it mentioned on here, but then found someone I don't get on with also on there so have been hiding ever since!!

I have also put a shout out on FB to other people who enjoy art & crafts and am meeting up with a few like minded creative types for a coffee and craft session. Some people could only do evenings and some only daytimes so there will be a few different meet ups happening.

I also found a book club in my local area, for which I've ordered the current book, and an Italian language workshop - I learned a bit years ago and would love to speak Italian before our holiday

There are lots of ways to get out and meet people - I'm hoping that some of them will result in some friendships, but if not at least I'm getting out there and doing some interesting new things!

I'm the same, I would love to have a best friend, as corny as it sounds sort of like the friendships you see on telly, someone to trust completely, laugh with, chat over txt, have nights out/in.... but it's just me I have one friend, but not very close and she is older than me and works different hours etc.. so I am 26 have 2 dds and live in reading, if anyone's interested? ( I feel like I'm making a dating profile )

When you next chat to someone you like, ask them round for coffee. How old are your children? If they're young enough for playdates, invite the mum as well as their child round. Arrange to go to the park together. Once you've got one or two friends it'll be easier to organise stuff. Join the gym. Get talking to people then see if they'd like to do a workout together with you at the gym etc. I talk to lots of people and have lots of friends but that's because I'm chatty and not shy about organising stuff and inviting them along.

If you are up for a bit of running, see if there is a JogScotland group near you.

Me as well. I feel everyones pain. Like a previous poster mentioned I had kids when all my school friends were still studying and partying and theyve all drifted away. An added complication is that Im a goth and a lot younger than most of the school mums so there seems to be an assumption that I must have other friends? Im lovely and friendly, always chat to the other mums, have suggested coffees and playdates but its just not happened. After the third "we really must organise that drink" type conversation leads to nothing I give up. Its really hard and quite upsetting.

Im in Cambs, 26 with 2 DCs if anyones near me. Maybe we all need to start a club, unite in our aloneness

@ShadowsInTheDarkness I'm down the road from you in a town south of Cambs so not too far.

Hi Op, I totally relate to everything you have said, I'm similar age and circumstances to you and in Glasgow ish area, just doing the school stuff now but will send you a message when I get back.

I could have written your post. I'm in the same situation although I work full time. I'm also in the Glasgow area. I've only just joined mumsnet so not familiar with the protocol to contact people but would be happy to be contacted.

OP, I am so sorry for you! I can't imagine how it must feel to never have made any friends. Do you have siblings? How is your relationship to them? How did you meet your DH? Just wondering how your generally are with people.

I have moved so much and I work from home, so I don't have any local friends. I have old friends that I see a few times a year, but I wouldn't call them if I had something I need support with. I have a wonderful pen pal that I met here on MN, she has been great. My younger sister is also a great friend to me. I have acquaintances from expat groups, but that's it.

Is there a local MN group for your area? Have you tried Meetup?

I notice that there a few posters from Somerset, I'm also in Somerset, near Taunton, Mossop17 and DevilsInTheDetail, where are you? The local Somerset MN group is unfortunately not terribly active.

Me too

I know this might well not go down very well but ...
My experience is the same than you OP except that I don't normally have issue with having friends as such. Or at least not when I wasn't living where I live.

I would say that the issues I have is a mix of small town syndrome, being unable to read the signals that look obvious to British people (but not to me) which means some stuff I will say will be seen as out of place or annoying even though they are neither rude nor stupid (well as long as you are happy to recognise that there are other ways to look at things). I personally believe ther are other stuff at play (xenophobia or thinking that foreigners are 'below' you) being one of them.
I will add that this is not something I have ever felt with people living in big towns (e.g. Centre of Manchester, center of Leeds or London). But it seems to be a recurring theme with small towns ....

What worked for me to, at least, be able to make a bit of small chat is to concentrate on the WEATHER. That's the only way that I managed to finally talk to my NDN (lovely guy who wouldn't say more than hello for nearly 10 years...).
Apart from that? Connect with expats.

I can relate to an extent.

What has definitely helped for me is being positive about myself. This sounds a bit woolly but believe that you are funny and interesting, that you are a good friend and people want to be your friend. And like yourself!

Don't be scared that people don't really like you, and most importantly be the friend to people that you would like to have. For too long I thought 'why does no one text/invite me anywhere etc' when I myself never did that.

Like yourself and put yourself out there, and then it's as if you attract people to you (hopefully!)

Not meaning to be in any way smug about this but I do have a wide circle of friends. I have a lot of friends because I make a massive effort - I call to check in with them, I invite them places, I do nice things for them, and I am trustworthy with all aspects of my friendships (no bitching, no gossiping, if I can't do something I am honest and don't make excuses, if I'm wrong I say I am wrong)

That being said, I am not constantly ingratiating myself it is just that friendships have rules and it depends on your rules as to the types of friendships you will have. I have noticed you say no-one invites you anywhere, but for me that puts all the emphasis on others, and people are not perfect. For example, if I was talking to you at the school gates and you told me you were lonely and haven't got anyone to hang out with, I would invite you somewhere. If you didn't say that I wouldn't think about inviting you because I would presume all was well AND I wouldn't know you were signalling you want a friendship ( I could get rejected too you know!)..............I think I'm saying even at the early stage of friendships there is give and take - and perhaps being open and at least providing some open data on your situation will encourage friendships to develop.