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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

One night stand about to be revealed

148 replies

HopefullyAnonymous · 08/05/2017 19:07

I'm not sure where to post this. Have been with my OH for 8 years, due to marry later this year. Around 18 months into the relationship I found out that he'd been seeing someone else briefly. I was devastated, he moved out for a time but ultimately we worked things out. We now have two children, upcoming wedding and are really happy and strong.

During the time we were apart, I very foolishly had a one night stand with one of his friends. Very stupid, but at the time it didn't come out and there has never really been a time to bring it up. Said "friend" has since married but is now getting divorced. We haven't spoken in about 5 years as he and DP fell out over something unrelated.

Last night I received an email from him, containing a picture he obviously took on the night in question, with the caption "your life is about to be over". I didn't know this picture existed; it was taken without my consent but is clearly me. The email didn't say anything else. Today I've had three voicemails from a withheld number, two just silence and one which I'm assuming is him saying that my OH will soon know what a cheating slut I am as he can't let us marry without the truth being out there. I have no idea what to do - OH and I are in such a good place so this will taint everything, particularly with the wedding so close. I have no idea why he would do this, but it sounds as if he's going to make it out to be an affair rather than the one night it actually was. I know it's partly my fault for not being honest but this has the potential to ruin everything. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 08/05/2017 19:55

Plus change your phone number.

onalongsabbatical · 08/05/2017 19:56

What an absolute shit the man is. Please don't warn him and please report him to the police. He'd do this to any woman he can, not just you, and may well have done so.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. If your OH wobbles show him our responses.
Very best of luck. Flowers

WateryTart · 08/05/2017 19:58

Police, OP, please.

Whisky2014 · 08/05/2017 19:58

I'd tell your fiance. He will surely understand if you were separated.let hon see the pic and hear the voicemail.

JudeeLevinson · 08/05/2017 20:00

Agree with everything. Police!
I'm so sorry OP.

Whisky2014 · 08/05/2017 20:01

Plus...your partner had been seeing someone else. Meh this guy is a weirdo but I'm sure your partner will understand...especially since he was seeing someone and that's why you separated!

PacificDogwod · 08/05/2017 20:01

Report to the police and tell your fiancé so nobody can ever hold this over you again.

HashiAsLarry · 08/05/2017 20:03

He's not really trying to hurt you, he's trying to hurt your DP. Don't let him. Take the bull by the horns now and tell all, including the blackmail attempts. Don't let the twat paint you out as a cheat.

Supermagicsmile · 08/05/2017 20:05

Go to the police!

TheElephantofSurprise · 08/05/2017 20:05

Police.
Then tell dp.
Don't have any contact with the blackmailer/creep.

Doublemint · 08/05/2017 20:06

Go to the police then tell DP. This bloke sounds flipping creepy.

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/05/2017 20:07

Oh he's in his own little drama isn't he? I'd go to the police as well & give him a dose of reality.

It's not a crime for a single woman to have sex.

Getoffthetableplease · 08/05/2017 20:08

Tell police and your partner asap, don't give the sick mo fo the satisfaction of saying anything back to him 😯

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/05/2017 20:11

OP, you need to report this man to the Police.
He sounds angry, and threatening.
It's quite sinister, with the emails and the phone call.
You cannot brush this under the carpet, it could well escalate.
He could also bear a grudge against your DP.
Please deal with it now, don't leave anything to chance.

TopDoggityDog · 08/05/2017 20:11

Record any phone calls.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/05/2017 20:12

No contact whatsoever, don't feed the creep, or let him know that he has got to you.

PoorYorick · 08/05/2017 20:13

Lots of good advice here, and I am posting only because that lousy excuse of a man can't be called an evil and odious cunt often enough.

pieceofpurplesky · 08/05/2017 20:13

I also think it may be the ex - were they together at the time?

NotNyusualName · 08/05/2017 20:14

You were apart at the time as your DP was having an affair? You must tell him, you obviously forgave him and took him back, you have not done anything worse than he himself did. I suppose it is worse because it was a 'friend ' of his but he really should be understanding. Okay perhaps you should have told him sooner but if you were not together at the time (with DP I mean) then really he did not need to know. Flowers

HopefullyAnonymous · 08/05/2017 20:16

Thanks everyone. Wish I'd just told him at the time, but I think a part of me did it to be spiteful and I felt ashamed/disappointed in myself. Not that it was wrong as such, but to have slept with him specifically was poor judgment.

OH will support me I'm sure, I just feel like it will be a bit of a cloud hanging over what should be the happiest time.

I feel sick to the stomach over the photo, like he's violated me somehow :(

OP posts:
MommaGee · 08/05/2017 20:16

you have not done anything worse than he himself did. I suppose it is worse because it was a 'friend
He CHEATED on her
She hadvsex with someone whilst single. She has done nothing wrong

HopefullyAnonymous · 08/05/2017 20:16

He was single at the time.

OP posts:
magoria · 08/05/2017 20:17

He has violated you.

This is why there are laws against this kind of thing!

user0000000001 · 08/05/2017 20:17

I agree..

Police and tell DP

But, unless the photo is date stamped, how can this complete cunt prove it wasn't taken before you'd even met your DP? Have I missed something?

Sorry you are going through this.

ZilphasHatpin · 08/05/2017 20:17

Well he has violated you! He took a photo of you a) while you were sleeping, b) without your consent and c) with the intent to show others. Total violation!

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