Yet another one

[Fubsy]

Ive been lurking here for a while, it seems like a lot of people are going through something like I am, so was reluctant to post, but feel I need to get it off my chest.

DP and I have been having problems for quite a while, this week we finally sat down and he said hje thought it was best if he moved out.

Its weird, but in spite of feeling like everything is better when hes not around, as soon as he said this I didnt want it to happen.

Im so annoyed with him because if he would just talk to me, it wouldnt have come to this. Weve had councelling in the past and it was helpful, but he seems to be repeating all the old patterns again. He hates his work, tries to get controlling with me and DD, and we have financial probs. But he is the worlds biggest ostrich (with me a close second) and it seems he would rather move out, although he says he still loves me, rather than talk.

Trouble is Im not sure I love him, and part of me is looking forward to doing things my way again.

But I feel so bad for DD, shes noticed our arguments and keeps making comments about it, but I think she'll be heartbroken if we tell her what is going to happen. I just dread it. And telling everyone else too - we live in a small village, so itll be all over like wildfire, and friends and family think were great together, because we dont discuss our problems with anyone else.

I have posted before, but things hadnt quite got this far then.

i have already sussed that you are an ultra strong woman PC but i promise you, it will happen, it will hit you like a tome of bricks.

Im not blowing my own trumpet for one minute but, i too am n ultra strong woman. I have got myself through so much more than I would ever talk about on here (nothing to do with DP) going back years. I fought my way through everything and somehow I always came out the other side with just another little mental scar to add to my collection. But it does catch up with you. When you go into melt down you will know about it!! Thats why I would like you to have just a 'mini' one just to keep you going so to speak, to avoid the 'big one'

You are amazing. I can only imagine what you are going through but you must be one of the most tolerant women in the country. Most of us would be flashing his picture up on the Jeremy Kyle and Trisha show by now

I know that I would have taken all his stuff to the tip, taken all the kids stuff to his mothers and started claiming financially as a single parent. He would now have to be invited into my life rather than be allowed just to walk back in.

You have the patience of a saint!! You deserve a medal!! xx

that should be ton of bricks. I got a bit over excited

Hi PC - hope you are feeling a bit better after last night. I know what you mean about things staying with you - I tripped going up the stairs carrying DD when she was a baby, and tortured myself for ages after with images of me landing on her and crushing her to death!

Lily - Im fine thanks Im telling people about the seperation gradually, and its not as bad as I thought it would be.

Im not checking up on DP on the computer - I might not like what I find, ignotance is bliss as they say. And the fact that I dont really care, sadly says a lot about the state of our relationship i think.

Maybe Im naive, but I like to think that perhaps someday if he did meet someone else we could maintain a good relationship as that would be the best thing for DD.

In a way, Id like to meet someone else just to see how he reacted if the tables were turned, but Im a bit choosy, and given the lack of attractive single blokes over the age of 20 and under 65 round here, its not likely!