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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Yet another one

103 replies

Fubsy · 14/03/2007 10:19

Ive been lurking here for a while, it seems like a lot of people are going through something like I am, so was reluctant to post, but feel I need to get it off my chest.

DP and I have been having problems for quite a while, this week we finally sat down and he said hje thought it was best if he moved out.

Its weird, but in spite of feeling like everything is better when hes not around, as soon as he said this I didnt want it to happen.

Im so annoyed with him because if he would just talk to me, it wouldnt have come to this. Weve had councelling in the past and it was helpful, but he seems to be repeating all the old patterns again. He hates his work, tries to get controlling with me and DD, and we have financial probs. But he is the worlds biggest ostrich (with me a close second) and it seems he would rather move out, although he says he still loves me, rather than talk.

Trouble is Im not sure I love him, and part of me is looking forward to doing things my way again.

But I feel so bad for DD, shes noticed our arguments and keeps making comments about it, but I think she'll be heartbroken if we tell her what is going to happen. I just dread it. And telling everyone else too - we live in a small village, so itll be all over like wildfire, and friends and family think were great together, because we dont discuss our problems with anyone else.

I have posted before, but things hadnt quite got this far then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fubsy · 13/05/2007 22:21

Actually I think i may just have managed it! Guess Ill find out soon.

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 06:41

fubsy, you're approved. check your inbox and your junk mail for the notification.

ohsmellyjelly · 14/05/2007 14:39

Message withdrawn

Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 14:49

osj, dior's thread is "update on to top off my crap year" i think...

hope you're okay.

Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 14:49

no intention of telling you to piss off either m'dear!

ohsmellyjelly · 14/05/2007 15:02

Message withdrawn

Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 15:12

like i said to dior, your perspective is valid in itself but your advice is always well thought out and gratefully received so please don't think you don't have a right to offer us your thoughts.

again, the msn group isn't a club by which you have to qualify. it's just another resource for those of us who have become friends thru shared experiences to support each other.

you're very much a part of that and we wouldn't want you to feel that you didn't belong. and i've said all the same things to Dior.

stop apologising the pair of ya!

Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 15:13

ps: sorry you're down at the mo, think it must be the weather eh?

am the same really, no news which in this case doesn't mean good news IMO.

trying to concentrate on work LOL!

ohsmellyjelly · 14/05/2007 15:20

Message withdrawn

mylittlestar · 14/05/2007 15:20

agree with paddlechick

the group's not about people who have necessarily been through exactly the same thing themselves. it's more about the friendships we've built through helping each other, no matter what the problem is or what our personal experiences are.

it's some support away from here too, if there's things people want to discuss in a bit more privacy! it's also to get to 'know' the real people behind these MN names. to appreciate the 'real' people that have taken so much time and effort to support each other in some horrendously difficult circumstances.
and mainly - it's about organising a big pi** up!!

lilybubble · 14/05/2007 17:46

Paddlechick, am really thinking of you, can't believe you still haven't heard anything. This sounds so trite, but I hope you are okay, as far as you can be. I am finding dd a big inspiration, she is really helping me to not just sit around sobbing and moping.

And MLS, I like your style - the big pi$$ up sounds rather fabulous. I don't think I will be able to get to Birmingham, but I will hold out for a London meet in the not too distant future!

Hope you're all okay ladies, thinking of you all! xx

Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 21:11

thanks lily, there's no gettin away from the fact that it's all a bit shit eh!

dd taking an extra hour to go to sleep and undressing herself about 8 times isn't helping.

nor is the bathroom drama i had with her tonight. i thought she'd swallowed a lid thing that she plays with.

scared the shit out of me and all my first aid training went out the window as i rammed my fingers down her throat. which would've just pushed it further down.

can't believe how bloody bloody bloody stupid i was. probably scratched her throat too.

when she started screaming and not going blue i decided she'd swallowed it and started thinking she'd have to have an operation to get it out of her.

then i found it in the bathwater!

and then of course i realised that it's far too big for her to swallow or choke on which is why i was letting her play with it. she was just blowing out of her mouth and made a choking sound.

anyway, whatever it is in reality she shouldn't have had it and i shouldn't have not been watching her and i feel like a completely shit shit shit shit mother.

Original poster
Fubsy · 14/05/2007 21:19

PC, dont be so hard on yourself, its so easy to let training go out of the window when your panicking, especially if its not something you do all the time.

The main thing is that your DD is fine!

BTW DD swallowed a cherry pip when she was 1, and a silver ring a couple of years ago. We got the ring back eventually

OP posts:
MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 14/05/2007 21:23

PC - you are NOT a shit mother. I will not hear you say that. You are a stressed mother - and that is not your fault.

Keep strong and give your dd a hug. You are doing great. x

Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 21:39

thanks i know you're right but it's these sorts of things that end in tragedy isn't it.

and i thought today wasn't too bad a day!

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 14/05/2007 21:41

You will shiver every time you think about it. I know I do when I think of the time ds picked up something from M&D's house, and we nearly didn't spot it in his mouth.

Nothing happened. She is safe and well.

Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 21:46

i tell you what i'll never forget, how it felt to have my fingers down her throat. that was awful.

then of course she did that whole "i'm going to hold my breath" cry which went on for a matter of seconds but must have been at least week!

so relieved when she inhaled okay. then swiftly on to the thought i'd have to take her A&E and she'd definately need an op - no way something that big would be coming out in the nappy!

utterly ridiculous really, there is no way i'd let her have it if she could've swallowed it.

just went up to check on her and actually picked her up for a cuddle. she's dosed up on medised (2 big teeth coming) so barely stirred. i just wanted a little cuddle....

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 14/05/2007 21:49

Stop being so hard on yourself...you are doing a great job on your own. Remember that. You can't be everywhere at all times.

How are you generally speaking?

Paddlechick666 · 14/05/2007 21:55

okay i guess. trying to focus on practicalities and get stuff done wrt to moving and so on.

the longer his silence goes on the harder it is to deal with tbh.

i'd just like to stop thinking about it for a while really........

lilybubble · 15/05/2007 00:36

Aw paddle, that must have been a terrible scare for you and dd today Completely normal for mind to go blank though, as I'm sure you know really. As others have said, she IS okay, which is the main thing.

And yep! All a bit shit really!! We'll get each other through it all though

Fubsy, how are you doing? Can you see what he was up to on the computer? Bloody nerve if he WAS doing that! Hope you're okay xx

Paddlechick666 · 15/05/2007 08:05

hi lily, thanks.

well, she's her normal self this morning so clearly none the worse for wear.

she's got two corking great teeth coming thru so altho she's sleeping thru okay she's waking up WAY TOO EARLY!!!

going to visit a childless friend today for lunch. it will be nice to see her but am a bit apprehensive too, dd isn't on best form LOL!!

Ifonlyhewould · 15/05/2007 08:26

Hi PC

Ive just seen this. I hope you are over the 'trauma'. DD has a wonderful mother who sprung straight into action! Stop being so hard on yourself sweetheart, you are doing a fantastic job keeping it all together under such stressful circumstnces.

I do hope that your mind gives you the rest you so need from everything tht is going on. Although maybe, the best way to find the peace you are looking for is to just take some time out to wallow it in for a while, think about everything, think it all through and hopefully come out of it with a plan of action.
Sometimes, trying to carry on as 'normal' froces us to bury a lot of feelings etc that we know we should be confronting but we don't really want to. The trouble is, these things pop up and bite us on the bum at a later date. Thats whats worrying me about you. You have coped with all this so amaingly well, you have carried on with your everyday life so well despite all this with DH going on in the background. This may sound odd but I think a 'mini meltdown' is in order. Some time for PC not to have to be so brave. Some time for PC to recharge her batteries and come out fighting again xx

mylittlestar · 15/05/2007 08:26

paddlechick sounds like you had a bad time last night

glad to hear dd is fine this morning though - these things always affect us so much more than them! I bumped ds's head when he was just a week old and it still makes me feel sick every time I think of it!

glad you're getting out for lunch though and trying to keep busy. you're an amazing person and I admire everything you've done to get yourself and dd through this. she will grow up knowing what an amazing and special mum she has

xx

Paddlechick666 · 15/05/2007 08:52

thanks IOHW, i'm just not sure how to go about having a mini-meltdown.

what would happen to dd if i lost the plot too.

some might say i'm such a control freak i can't even go mad for a few days LOL

mls, thanks for that. dd is so accident prone that she's always bumping and bouncing. she's had so many near misses in the past too!

am dreading the whole bike riding, monkey bar climbing that's in the future already!

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 09:26

PC, I was the same as you. Eventually, you realise that they have to do these things (climbing frames etc.) and that you must not stop them, otherwise they become wrapped in cotton wool. I spend half my time cringing when ds is climbing anything, thinking that he is going to kill himself. H encourages him higher and higher and I just want to tell him to 'stop encouraging him' - but I bite my lips and smile gamely.

Poor ds, if it were up to me, he would be a right wuss