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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I need to leave but I just don't know how. He has hit me and our baby girl.

62 replies

EmEmilyEm · 07/05/2017 01:55

Oh please help. I don't know what to do anymore. I really want to leave but whenever I try it's like I freeze and I just can't explain it and I know that sounds stupid and I have told myself day after day about how stupid it is but it just doesn't change the fact I can't physically do it. I am so worried about everything. I lost my job and have no way of getting any money so I need to stay it's like if I go I will ruin my daughter and if I stay I will. Will the council help? It's so overstretched and I don't want them to put her into care. I need to be able to stop freezing whenever I try to leave but I just can't stop that.

My arms are killing, he has grabbed them really hard tonight and they just ache I have had enough my poor little girl was pushed over and wouldn't stop crying she seems ok now but I don't want her to think that's ok but I tried packing a bag and going but I just froze and couldn't, I went into a panic attack and he came and just held me down pretending he was being nice but he knew it would make my breathing worse, but he made me feel like it was me being an idiot that was making me panic.

OP posts:

VimFuego101 · 07/05/2017 02:00

Call Women's Aid. Hope my screenshot works with the number. They will listen and advise you.

I need to leave but I just don't know how. He has hit me and our baby girl.

fruitbats · 07/05/2017 02:02

Get the fuck out. Not for you but for your DD. Just fucking leave.

OlennasWimple · 07/05/2017 02:03

Call Womens Aid or if you feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police.

Original poster

EmEmilyEm · 07/05/2017 02:04

How do you expect me to just leave? I told you I freeze every time I try. I have tried, day in, day fucking out and it's still the same. I freeze, go into panic mode and can't move. How do you suppose I leave?

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 07/05/2017 02:05

Contact Women's Aid as PP has said, when you feel safe and able to do so. Will you be alone with just your DD at all, tomorrow or on Monday? It would be easier to leave when he's not around. Do you have any family or friends you could go to?

HerRoyalNotness · 07/05/2017 02:06

Get a friend to come over and help you pack and take you. If that's the easiest way then do it, or a family member. Call someone now.

foreverwaiting · 07/05/2017 02:07

Leave. Please leave now. I didn't and I'm now trying to get out 20 years later. That's much harder. Please don't be me.

IT WILL NOT STOP. He's hurt you. He's hurt your baby.

Get out. Grab the baby and run. Now. Once your out go to the police. Even if you don't want to press charges they will help you find a shelter. Or call woman's aid. They will get you in a shelter. Go to A&E. They will help you. There is always a way. I know it seems there isn't but there is.

He has hurt your baby. Next time it will be worse. Please please get out now.

pnutter · 07/05/2017 02:09

Is there anyone you can call ? Family/ friend/ neighbour ? It's urgent so no-one will mind. What matters is you and your little girl being hurt. I wish I could help .

foreverwaiting · 07/05/2017 02:10

Make this the time you don't freeze. Make this the time your not doing it for you, your doing it because he has hurt your daughter. You are strong enough to do this.

Glastokitty · 07/05/2017 02:11

This man could kill you and your baby. You need to call Women's Aid and get their help to leave before he does.

Beeziekn33ze · 07/05/2017 02:19

Freeze is understandable and normal. It's the 3rd reaction with fight or flight. Flight sounds best for you now. Get your baby out of the house and call the police to help you.

scottishdiem · 07/05/2017 02:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Shewhomustgowithoutname · 07/05/2017 02:21

He hit you which is bad. He hurt DD very bad very unforgiveable. You need to get out of there asap. Do you have parents? Sister? Brother? Anyone? Someone would help. Call Police. Your DD is more likely to be taken into care if you stay with horrible man

SashaSays · 07/05/2017 02:23

Please contact woman's aid & leave as you as you can. If not for yourself for your baby girl.

SashaSays · 07/05/2017 02:23

soon

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 07/05/2017 02:37

Echoing others OP - please call Womens Aid as soon as you can.

Re the freezing. Could you try some visualisation techniques? Picture yourself packing a bag, holding DD, walking out the door, walking down the street? Play it through in your mind and really see yourself doing it?

Catinthecorner · 07/05/2017 02:47

Where are you? It's unlikely you are near me but if you are I will come over and help you pack a bag and leave.

SemiNormal · 07/05/2017 03:07

Do you know what is making you freeze? Sheer panic? Fear of him? Not knowing what you'll do when you walk out the door?

It may help to come up with an emergancy short-term plan. A checklist of things you need ie phone, credit card, car keys, any money you can get your hands on. A mental list of friends/family you could stay with. If there is no one then could you make your way to the local police station? Having a plan, however small, may help you find the courage to leave.

sara221 · 07/05/2017 03:13

Everyone here will tell you to leave-you already know what you need to do. We can not make you do it, the decision has to come from you. Because even If you do not care about what he does to you-you should care about your daughter growing with that monster-because is what he will be to your daughter. She will grow with fear, It will damage her mentally, physically and emotionally.
Imagine If she told you in the future this situation was happening to her-what would you tell her?
Tell a family member, a friend, doctor-call the numbers given by other users.
Mostly importantly leave, call the police if necessary, pack once they get to yours.
Make the decision to leave and do It, for your daughter.

jouu · 07/05/2017 03:40

If you don't leave now that he's assaulted your child, you're going to end up having her taken off you because you aren't protecting her.

If you physically cannot go, you need to phone the police and have them come to help you.

I know you're frozen. But you have to force yourself to physically walk out with your dad, or physically pick up the phone and get help.

You can't allow the freeze to happen, he's committed a crime against your child, there's no choice anymore.

jouu · 07/05/2017 03:42

You don't need a bag, you don't need a coat or shoes, you don't need to explain anything, you just must pick up your girl and physically walk out the door, tonight, no matter how frozen you feel. My heart is with you. You can do this.

Rainbowqueeen · 07/05/2017 03:43

There is help out there.

The council will help and they will not put your DD into care. Is this something your partner has told you? They are more likely to take her into care if you stay and an outsider reports on what is happening in your household because you will be seen as failing to keep your DD safe.

I know it is scary but please take that first step. The police has a domestic violence team which can provide immediate help and has links to other useful organisations. If you have no money, they can help with that too.

Please don't feel you are trapped and helpless, there is help, just the right people need to know that you need that help in order to give it to you.

myvoiceitmadeanavalanche · 07/05/2017 04:03

OP, it's obviously a really terrifyingly thing to do.

But there is help and support for people in your situation. You won't starve; you and your child will have somewhere to live.

When you became her mum, it became your job to keep her safe.

Tomorrow, find a time to put some important things in a small bag. Birth certificates, passports, benefits paperwork if you can. Change of clothes. Phone charger. Others on here will give good advice about what to take.

Don't "leave". Just take that bag with you when you go out the house to do a regular chore - go to a shop or the park or something with DD. Then while you're out, phone women's aid and tell them where you are and that you don't want to go back to your house.

differentnameforthis · 07/05/2017 04:18

Sweetheart, your child is now a victim of child abuse. If you don't leave, you could lose her. You don't say how old she is, but if she discloses (if she is old enough) now or when she is older, social workers will become involved, and they can & probably will remove her.

FrenchLavender · 07/05/2017 04:30

He's hurting your child and he's hurting you in front of her. If you don't pull yourself together and 'unfreeze' then your DD will end up in care. She won't get taken because you've lost your job but there's a good chance she'll get taken if you allow this to happen again and don't take action to prevent it.

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