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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I need to leave but I just don't know how. He has hit me and our baby girl.

62 replies

EmEmilyEm · 07/05/2017 01:55

Oh please help. I don't know what to do anymore. I really want to leave but whenever I try it's like I freeze and I just can't explain it and I know that sounds stupid and I have told myself day after day about how stupid it is but it just doesn't change the fact I can't physically do it. I am so worried about everything. I lost my job and have no way of getting any money so I need to stay it's like if I go I will ruin my daughter and if I stay I will. Will the council help? It's so overstretched and I don't want them to put her into care. I need to be able to stop freezing whenever I try to leave but I just can't stop that.

My arms are killing, he has grabbed them really hard tonight and they just ache I have had enough my poor little girl was pushed over and wouldn't stop crying she seems ok now but I don't want her to think that's ok but I tried packing a bag and going but I just froze and couldn't, I went into a panic attack and he came and just held me down pretending he was being nice but he knew it would make my breathing worse, but he made me feel like it was me being an idiot that was making me panic.

OP posts:

midsummabreak · 07/05/2017 04:33

Don't pack Just wait until he is out and think of it as going to supermarket

midsummabreak · 07/05/2017 04:36

picklemepopcorn · 07/05/2017 06:12

Instead of thinking "leave", think "make a phone call", "pop out the house".

Forget leave. Call the police so they know. Pop to a friend and tell them. Get a friend over.

Just one step at a time.

GinIsMySaviour · 07/05/2017 06:20

OP what an awful situation for you, I am sorry you are going through this.

I was struck by you feeling that staying and going are both bad choices for you and DD but I wonder if that's because your self confidence has taken a hammering because of the abuse?

I think you will find you are capable of much much more than you think when you are away from your abuser. I am sure that once you are out of the abusive situation, finding your feet as a single parent with the help other posters have mentioned will be easier than you could imagine because the fear of abuse will have gone.

And think about what an amazing role model you will be for your DD.

Please have faith in yourself. You can do this and your DD needs you to

GinIsIn · 07/05/2017 06:22

For now just put one foot in front of the other and get out of the door. Worry about the next step later but you must get your little girl somewhere she isn't going to be hurt, and you need to do it quickly.

GinIsIn · 07/05/2017 06:23

You can do it, you will only freeze if you panic about the bigger picture. For now, just focus on physically getting yourself and your daughter out of that front door. One foot in front of the other is all that part takes. You can do it, you can be strong and you can get your daughter somewhere safe.

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 07/05/2017 06:29

OP,

Really, really hope you've phoned the police/ Women's Aid, and got yourself and your baby girl SOMEWHERE SAFE by now?

They will do the thinking and organising for you, after 1 phone call.

You can do it, even though it feels so hard right now.

Please let someone else help ease your strain.

(Even if that means rushing round to a neighbour's.
.
If you're worried about putting anyone out, or not knowing them well enough to arrive on their doorstep, wait by their door whilst they ring the police on your behalf.

I'm being totally honest by saying that, if a vulnerable mother and child turned up at mine in such a situation, I'd be only too willing to help).

Your mind must be in such turmoil...no need to plan anything else at all right now, or concern yourself with the bigger picture, just focus on doing that single thing for now.

After that one phone call, others can and will support you and your little one.

By prioritising your DD's welfare and safety, you will be acting in her best interests.
This will count hugely in your favour re child protection (contrary to his lies you've been threatened with).

Wishing you strength xx

SandyY2K · 07/05/2017 06:42

Visualise it packing a bag to go on holiday for you and DD. Call upon a family member or good friend to come and get you.

The council can provide emergency accommodation in your situation and won't see a child without a roof over their head.

Go on Monday morning, as Sundays will take longer and it's best you leave when he's not around.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2017 07:11

He's holding you down and preventing you from leaving. If you don't get out very soon, this could progress to imprisoning you either physically or metaphorically. You're already freezing. So the imprisoning has started.

Pinkjellybeans · 07/05/2017 07:12

When he goes out Monday do it. Just go! Pack some essentials and turn up at your local housing council office and tell them your homeless and they will house you even in a temporary b and b. Just think of your dd. Keep her safe.

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 07/05/2017 08:05

op are you still here?

SemiNormal · 07/05/2017 08:14

Just checking in on you OP. I hope you're somewhere safe now.

WitchDancer · 07/05/2017 08:45

Em, have you got any friends or family that can help you? We're all behind you but I think in your case you need someone physically there to get you out.

SunshineDeLaSoul · 07/05/2017 08:47

Don't leave.

Just take your DD to the park right now, and never go back

fusspot66 · 07/05/2017 08:49

EmEmilyEm
Don't be panicked about Women's Aid. They won't make you leave. They'll be discreet and supportive. Taking steps to get support and work out a way out shows you are putting your DCS safety first.
You can even email them.

Blossomdeary · 07/05/2017 08:56

You have to go - you can do this. Phone the Women's Aid number - that is what it is for.

newdaylight · 07/05/2017 08:58

@EmEmilyEm.
this sounds so tough on you. You know you need to leave the question is how right? Regardless your dd can't protect herself and she is in real danger. You're the only one who can protect her.

This sounds scary but my advice is to call womans aid as previously suggested and (this is the scary part) call social services. The reason I say that is they can get you a refuge today. I know that's a really difficult idea but a refuge is the answer to how you leave today. You and dd will be safe and you can get help to start planning the future

SparklyMagpie · 07/05/2017 09:14

Are you and your daughter ok OP?

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 07/05/2017 09:15

0808 2000 247

They can help you look for a refuge space so that you have somewhere to go. If you walked out of the house and presented to the police station they would be able to help you find a refuge space aswell.

If you do it, do it Monday as staff don't attend refuge on a weekend. So they can't take referrals until they're back in Monday and won't move a new lady in until then. If you left today however, you would be found emergency accommodation until tomorrow.

You don't need to put your daughter in care. You would be entitled to some benefits if you left so financially you would be okay. There is help for you and your daughter

In the meantime, if you can't leave. There are things you can do to keep yourself safe at home. - www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/

debbs77 · 07/05/2017 09:19

Really hope you're OK

Catherinebee85 · 07/05/2017 09:20

Read over your post at a time you feel calmer and aren't in immediate danger. Leave in the day. The anxiety is psychological which you are stronger than. You can fight against the frozen feeling. Your child needs you to protect her. She can't do it for herself. If you're this scared just imagine how bewildered she feels.

If you can't do it even then call the police, call women's aid. They will help you. Please please please don't stay a second longer.

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 09:23

When you are doing your freezing and staying, think of your child being hit. Call women's aid. If not for you, do it for your child. By staying and deliberately endangering your own child you are just as bad as he is. I'm sorry, but allowing child abuse to continue is not ok ever.

whattheactualfudge · 07/05/2017 09:46

I'm sorry but I'm calling Police and alerting them to this thread. They will track OP down. There is a child being physically abused I have no choice

OnTheRise · 07/05/2017 09:58

I know that feeling of freezing. It's impossible to get past. Thing is, you don't have to leave. All you have to do is phone the police and ask them to help you.

MNHQ

EmmanuelleMumsnet · 07/05/2017 10:09

OP, we've had a few reports about your thread from concerned Mumsnetters, and we thought you might be interested in taking a look at our domestic violence webguide.

We can see you're getting some great support here, and we hope you can also seek help irl.

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