He's like a f***ing child!!

[MarshallandChase]

AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHH!!!!!

Seriously need to rant!

My boyfriend is so lazy! We live together and have a DS who's 3. He works full time (60+ hours a week) and I'm a SAHM.

The last few weeks we've been arguing because I keep asking him to pick up after himself. Not help me clean or cook. Just pick up after himself.
For example, not chucking your shoes anywhere you feel like when you come home. Or if you have a use snack, don't leave the fucking wrapper on the floor.
Or when you've had a use shower, don't fling your towel a used dirty underwear WHEREVER YOU LIKE. (Honestly he'll fling his wet towel over the door, over the sofa, on the floor...)

We had a serious talk yesterday about it because I'm at the end of my tether. I was shouting and crying and told him it's like I live with 2 toddlers and I can't cope with it much longer. I'm not asking to him to come home from work and scrub the bathroom until it shines. I just want him to be a fucking adult.

Anyway he left for work before me and DS got up this morning, I went downstairs and it's like I haven't mentioned a word about it to him.

His shoes are in the middle of the lounge, his wet towel is over the high chair, the ironing board is up with the iron still plugged in. He's made a mess in the kitchen, coffee beans and sugar everywhere.

AIBU to go up the wall??

He drives me insane.

I would stop cooking for him, or doing his washing. I couldn't live like that. What shit behaviour.

That would drive me utterly insane. He is doing it because he knows you will sort it out.

Get a box. Chuck everything in it that he has left lying about, including all the crumbs. Then when he is looking for something tell him it's in his toy box.

My dp can be messy although he doesn't do the towel thing or the dirty clothes thing. He does leave crumbs etc which irritates me but he also does all the ironing, cleans the toilets and takes the bins out. So I don't mind cleaning up a few crumbs. He also has an entire coffee table full of his crap essential things. I have nothing to do with it.

But with a toddler in the house, I can imagine your frustration.

Just lob all his shit in a box.

Did he live alone prior to you living together? Has he ever had the responsibility of sorting his own stuff out/tidying up after himself?

mycats I like the idea of him having his own 'toy box'
I can't stop cleaning up after him though my house would never be clean.
And I've had the conversation with him so many times its like he's not taking any of it in.

wren we both lived with his parents before we moved in together but when we were there he was the cleanest person ever. He wouldn't dare leave a mess for his mother.

My ex was like this and it ultimately caused me to leave him after 4 years of asking him every day to stop leaving such a mess every day. Wet towels on the living room floor, dirty laundry on the sofa, breakfast stuff strewn around the kitchen, his hairs from shaving his beard all over the sink and toilet, skids in the toilet. It all made me start to resent him massively after telling him for the millionth time to stop it. It's such disrespectful behaviour and your DH clearly hasn't listened to a word you've said or taken your feelings on board. If there's any specific chores you do for him such as his laundry, ironing or cooking, stop today until he becomes more respectful

Take your child and go to a hotel or self catered accommodation for a few days. Tell him you'll come back when he agrees to be tidier etc.

Mine used to be a bit like this, although he's always done quite a lot of housework and childcare. He just didn't mind untidiness, his view was that he'd pick up his towel when he needed it again or whatever. The only thing that worked was pointing out repeatedly that he was being an appalling role model for the DCs. and then pulling him up on it in exactly the same way I do to them, in front of them. Act like a child, get treated like a child.

Why are you with this man? You get really upset and tell him what the problem is and today he deliberately leaves the place in a mess to 'show' you what he thinks of you.

Is this how you want to carry on living Marshall because it doesn't look like he's going to change. Neither does he respect you. Pack a bag and go to a friend/parents for the weekend and have a think about what you want to do. xx

"He wouldn't dare leave a mess for his mother."

So he knows how not to do it. Why should you let him do it to you?

Does he realise how much this behaviour might kill any love, respect, desire you have for him?

Don't tidy up and invite his mum round.

Dump all his crap on his side of the bed. Wet towel first so it soaks his sheets.

when we were there he was the cleanest person ever. He wouldn't dare leave a mess for his mother.

This says a lot. Disrespectful shit. But he is working 60 hours a week - he must be tired. I'd get a box for all his crap too - crumbs and all - and dump it all in there.

Explodedcloud

My partner used to do this. So I stopped washing his clothes unless they are in the wash basket or in front of the washing machine. He soon realised that I meant it when I said I wasn't doing to scavenge around and find his dirty pants and socks and shirts to wash them for him. And he soon realised that if he left his towel on the floor after a shower, it bloody well stayed there and he would then have to use a minging damp floor towel the next day.

Get a 'man child' box, and throw all his shit in it and let him sort himself out.

Show him this:
mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

I like the toybox idea too - wish I had thought of that years ago

I've said to him before that he was so tidy when we lived with his parents but now he's not. He said 'if the house was spotless it would incline me to keep it like that.'
Well I'm sorry that our house isn't as spotless as your parents but we aren't both retired with no young children.
And btw my house is clean. As clean as it can be with a 3 year old and a 27 year old man child.

It's like nothing I say gets through to him. I text him after he'd left and said 'when are you actually going to start cleaning up after yourself because you said you'd start yesterday..?' And his reply was 'oh sorry I left the ironing board out.'

He think an apology makes everything better and I shouldn't still be hung up on it.

He'd be out the door if I could manage it.
I'm mother to my children, not my partner and I'm no one's skivvy.
He can fuck off.

My X used to leave his wet towel on MY SIDE of the bed! And couldn't understand why I found this 'annoying' ...

I couldn't live like this op!
My boyfriend works similar hours and there's no way he'd behave like this, I'm on maternity leave at the moment but we split housework pretty much 50/50.

I'd be tempted to throw all his stuff in a box too or the bin tbh!
But I think it comes down to disrespect and that's not something I could actually live with.

Wormulonian's article is spot on. I sent it to DH when I first read it, and he was mortified that I interpreted his laziness as disrespect. He pulled his weight considerably more after that.

Put everything he leaves around in a black sack, just one, for everything. Then he can sort it out in his own sweet time.

I had to this for a teenager, who shouted, "stop trying to teach me a Lesson". However she did start clearing stuff. the stubborn side of her meant the black sack stayed in her bedroom for 3 months.

Text back asking if he realises he left his towel and shoes and coffee mess? If he doesn't then maybe send him a link to specsavers. How friendly are you with mil? Invite her around and ask for tips?

He's telling you loudly and clearly how little respect he has for you. Your role in life is to pick up his dirty underwear etc. Is that the example you want for your son?