He's like a f***ing child!!

[MarshallandChase]

AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHH!!!!!

Seriously need to rant!

My boyfriend is so lazy! We live together and have a DS who's 3. He works full time (60+ hours a week) and I'm a SAHM.

The last few weeks we've been arguing because I keep asking him to pick up after himself. Not help me clean or cook. Just pick up after himself.
For example, not chucking your shoes anywhere you feel like when you come home. Or if you have a use snack, don't leave the fucking wrapper on the floor.
Or when you've had a use shower, don't fling your towel a used dirty underwear WHEREVER YOU LIKE. (Honestly he'll fling his wet towel over the door, over the sofa, on the floor...)

We had a serious talk yesterday about it because I'm at the end of my tether. I was shouting and crying and told him it's like I live with 2 toddlers and I can't cope with it much longer. I'm not asking to him to come home from work and scrub the bathroom until it shines. I just want him to be a fucking adult.

Anyway he left for work before me and DS got up this morning, I went downstairs and it's like I haven't mentioned a word about it to him.

His shoes are in the middle of the lounge, his wet towel is over the high chair, the ironing board is up with the iron still plugged in. He's made a mess in the kitchen, coffee beans and sugar everywhere.

AIBU to go up the wall??

He drives me insane.

It doesn't sounds like he has much respect for you or the home you share.

Just because he works and you are the SAHP doesn't give him the right to treat you like the help.

Is he lazy when it comes to looking after DC too?

I couldn't live like this

He's gaslighting when he says he would be tidy if the house were spotless. I totally agree. Down tools. And I love the toy box idea. You and ds could have some fun getting a big cardboard "toy" box and covering it with sticking, drawings and glitter.

This is really disrespectful to you. Does he think it's your "job" to tidy up after him?
I would do as others said and let him sort his own mess out. At the moment he knows he just has to wait you'll do it for him eventually. Put everything in a pile/bag and leave it.

My DH is just like this!
I am a SAHM with only a teenager at home so I don't have a massive workload but it really pisses me off how just leaves stuff all over and refuses to clean up after himself .

All I get is him saying he earns all the money so that means the rest of the family owe it to him to do the rest..

Like the OP I don't need him to scrub the bathroom or kitchen, just put towel on the rack and the dishes in the dishwasher not the sink so I later have to stack them!He cooks which is great, but the mess left behind is dire!

His stinking attitude makes me just want to leave the place in a mess just to wind him up 😂

Don't know the answer just to slowly simmer !
I didn't go to university, gain a science degree and birth his 3 kids to be later treated like a skivy!!

That's my rant over 😬

Any tips as to how to get my 50 something man child in hand appreciated!

Unfortunately things couldn't be worse between his mother and me. She hates me down to my very core.
And god knows why, I've always been a great girlfriend to her son and fantastic mother to her only grandchild.
So we don't ever talk or see eachother.

I've told him before its disrespectful, but he thinks thays outrageous. He apparently has the upmost respect for me.

I'm shocked to see how many people agree with me! I posted this thinking I might get a lot of 'well you are a SAHM...' lol thanks guys!!! ❤

I was going to chip in but Wormulonian's article says it much better. Show him that, and if he dismisses it or you, that tells you exactly how much respect he has for you.

There are 2 sides on this in that some people are incredibly tidy, and if you are a naturally messy person living with someone like that, then it is HARD to keep to those standards. Also I noticed when I was on mat leave and didn't have work to prioritise, my standards did creep up and I'd get cross at "normal" (for us, when we were both working) levels of mess. So be prepared to give some ground. But yes it does sound like you have a manchild, and a petulant one childishly leaving extra mess after your talk.

I love the manchild box!

Mummyoflittledragon : He's gaslighting when he says he would be tidy if the house were spotless.

This is true.

I have a man child too. He only ignored my request to put his washing away once. The clean clothes he'd left spread over the bed went in a bag for charity the next day

Saying he has respect for you and actually respecting you are two different things. If he respected you he wouldn't be treating you like you're his personal maid. It's like he's expecting you to mother him as well as your child. Don't let him push you into it. If he wants a tidy house, he has to do his fair share.

He wouldn't dare leave a mess for his mother.

Sorry OP but you've moved in with one of these men who thinks because he works and you are SAHM, youre role in life is to be his personal maind.

he does not respect you and he does not care that it is upsetting you. He thinks you should be picking up his towels and rubbish.

It sucks. He's an arsehole.

He also seems to be telling you he in unprepared to change and he feels fully justified in treating you like his maid.

put everything of his he leaves lying around in a bin liner and stick a sticker on it with his name on
Tell him if he doesnt sort it out its all going in the bin
If hes going to act like a child then fully treat him like one

A bin liner is a good idea. A box would have been my suggestion. Anything he leaves out of place, put it in the box. If he can't find things, if they go mouldy, not your problem.

I'd go one further. If he left things out he obviously meant for them to be thrown out. In a bin bag and out into the bin it goes.

I've done this once with DD after an extended refusal to excavate her room. It only needed to be done once. Now just a wave of a black bin bag motivates her.

He said 'if the house was spotless it would incline me to keep it like that

Ah so it's your fault he's a lazy arsehole is it?

Yeah I was all ready to say, cut him a bit of a break, those are really long hours. But then as I read on I saw you're only really expecting the most basic level of human manners from him at this point. You put away your own shit. And at least if you don't for whatever reason, send a grovelling message by whatever means, explaining why you didn't, apologise, and don't do it again the very next day.
Although I do understand what he means about when it's already super tidy it's easier to then keep it tidy, he can obviously fucking contribute to getting the place up to his clearly high standards in the first place.
He does sound like an annoying man child and I don't know what to suggest. When I've been in this situation with DH, losing my shit / getting upset has always made him realise how much it bothers me and he changes his ways. The 'toybox' is a good one.

Overy the years the resentment will fester and poison the relationship

And I've had the conversation with him so many times its like he's not taking any of it in.

Then there need to be consequences for not doing it.

Is your DH... my DH??
I have been having this battle for a very long time.
I get very petty.

1. I leave every bit of mess he makes, until he even comments on it - then I point out that its all his, and it usually makes him sort it out. (He hates it when his boss drops round and the house is a mess, then apologises because he knows its his!)
2. I very loudly and annoyingly tidy up around him. Yesterday he said 'you're obviously not tired if you're still doing housework' ... so I very loudly done loads of washing, slammed a few doors, loudly clattered the dishes around.

Again... I am petty. and I know I am.... but it works.

Hes treating you like a skivvy, I would stop doing his cooking and bag all his dirty clothes see he manages for a week

same problem here, just leaves his shit anywhere, towels, dirty clothes etc, dumps his keys/phone/wallet any old place, then cant find them, because ive put them in a safer place he expects them to be in the same place he left them.....cue huge argument, so I stopped moving them, cue his wallet being covered in cheese cooking fat etc, as he left it on the chopping board.....his phone getting soaked, as he'd left it on the bathroom sink.....his keys being washed in his pockets, when he asked where they were.....reply was where you fucking left them. doesn't do it now

I did the box thing and then LTB

He's messy, but I don't think you can call him lazy if he's working 60+ hours a week! That sounds utterly exhausting. I'd be tempted to pop it all on his pillow. Or in a bin bag and present that to him to sort through on his day off.