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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just found dh's diary and it's not good

102 replies

Realitea · 04/05/2017 07:54

Saw some notes in the back of his work diary. It says he wants to leave our marriage but feels he can't as he doesn't believe I would be a good enough mother to the children. He has to be here to 'over see' things. Apparently I'm too possessive and it's leading them to live a secluded life. And he has to make sure their diet and education are managed properly.
This is a man who does nothing but sleep, work and go away for weekends with friends. I do everything for the children. They always come first. He even moans if I ask him to just read them a bed time story! I'm a brilliant mum.
How can he be so deluded?
What do I do?
If I leave will he use weird tactics to get custody or whatever it's called now?

OP posts:
Realitea · 04/05/2017 18:28

What worries me is that all his friends and family are solicitors, doctors, etc
I know no one like that.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 04/05/2017 18:29

If you can't afford both couples counselling and 1:1, then ditch the couples counselling. It is an exercise in grinding you down, all theatre, you are the villain, he is the hero. You don't need to pay money to see this drama - you have it in those notes and you know how he treats you.

You do need professional support though (as well as support and feedback from MN - I think it's a great resource) so use your money for that.

Wrt residency - this is his nuclear option, the spectre all controlling and abusive men use to frighten their victims into submission. As a wife and a Mother, I doubt there's much more terrifying in the world than fearing you could lose not only your marriage and your partner but also your DC. Yes indeed, and abusers know this, and they are willing to use the children as weapons against the mother.

If his weekends away involve money spent on accommodation, and if you have access to the account where the money comes from for all of that, then print out statements for however many years the pattern has been going on.

You can use any previous threads here as well as your own memories to compile a list of occasions when he has argued for decisions that weren't in the best interests of the children. You have the record of the antibiotics to back up your pov when it came to the skating. You don't even need that sort of solid backup for every single occasion.

mathanxiety · 04/05/2017 18:37

I was in your position wrt lawyers and doctors on exH's side, and exH himself is a lawyer. It definitely is a worry.

However, as long as you can research and find a really good divorce lawyer, you can have more confidence. You need to start asking around. If I were you, I would secretly join a divorce support group. Or you never know what you might find if you just googled.

Maybe MN local or Legal matters or the Relationships boards here might yield a few suggestions?

(The normal rules of personal conduct are out the window here - I believe you should be willing to gain any advantage you can. You are dealing with a man who wants to use the children in a fight he has set up between you and him, after all. Nobody is going to give out medals here for taking the high road or whatever noble-sounding phrase is conjured up to describe being trodden on.)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/05/2017 07:53

And please don't let anyone put you off asking for advice on here - it's not a "crutch" for you, it's a well of useful information, as well as partisan support! AS you said, if you hadn't posted on here, you would have already confronted your H about his musings, and lost that advantage - so please don't throw that all away.

Realitea · 05/05/2017 08:15

I won't. Thanks thumbwitches!
This morning we have our counselling. I've made my own notes and I'm looking forward to seeing his side of things today.

OP posts:
Quickieat2 · 05/05/2017 08:20

Fingers crossed.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2017 08:32

Wrt your emotional crutch comment, this is a support and information site for you and we want the very best for you and your children. You don't need to feel guilty or see reaching out in some way as weak or disingenuous. I hope your appointment goes well today Flowers.

Lynnm63 · 05/05/2017 12:49

Thinking of you.

Hissy · 05/05/2017 13:01

Another one thinking of you too.

if this man IS abusive, you really need to stop the counselling, or at least make sure that the counsellor is abuse trained

Realitea · 05/05/2017 17:35

I went through every problem I have today and he accepted it all, he's willing to work on it. We've come up with a lot of stuff to make things work better at home. He says he truly wants it to work for us. I don't think he enjoyed being the one that took all the stick today but he faced up to it and it was a surprise. The counsellor is positive they can help us through it.
I didn't bring up what I found.
So now I'm really confused. Did he mean what he wrote? Was he just drunk and really angry trying to think up stuff to say before our first session? Or does he have a secret agenda? It's really hard to work it out. I'm now feeling again like I should confront him about it.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 05/05/2017 18:33

It's good if he's starting to take some responsibility for the problems in your marriage. Very confusing for you to hear him saying essentially the opposite of what he wrote Confused

I think you need to judge him on his actions, words are cheap unless he demonstrates his apparent desire for change.

See if he does start to put your family unit first and begins to treat you with the respect you deserve, including not being critical of you as the mother of his children and being less controlling. Also putting you and your opinions ahead of his mother's.

QuiteLikely5 · 05/05/2017 18:37

Why oh why did you not tell him? You are living a lie. You can't Un know something?

Your glossing over things

His diary is what he feels

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2017 19:02

I hope he meant what he said. Still get your ducks in a row just in case. Financials, time each of you spend together or apart or with kids, in bed etc. If he sees the note taking, it really doesn't matter as long as he doesn't destroy it. Perhaps emailing it somewhere would be a good thing.

Realitea · 05/05/2017 19:11

I emailed it to myself a while ago. I think I will ask him about it and say I'm confused as what he's saying now and what he wrote is the opposite.
He's already taken steps to show he's willing to change which is great. Let's hope he keeps it up. I also need to be more assertive from now on and tell him when/if he slips up

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/05/2017 23:39

No, don't show him yet.
Give it a week and see how his behaviour goes - if he truly wants to change, he will try really hard.
If he is paying lip-service to the counsellor, and you, then it will slip after a couple of days of "trying".
Hold fire - you don't know whether he's for real yet.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 06/05/2017 00:39

I think you need to give your head a shake, OP.

This is the guy who has his mil so high up on the pedestal he always sides with her, defends her, puts her feelings first even if it means upsetting you or the dc. He's always been like this.

He is not going to change

The stuff he wrote in his diary is proof of what's really going in his head - and it isn't playing happy families with you.
He is not being honest with you and you refuse to see that - or accept it.

Have you stopped to think that perhaps he's playing along until such a time when he's built up his 'evidence'? With a family of dr's etc he'll know all the right things to say to make things difficult for you.

Stop being naive and giving him 'chances'.

Motoko · 06/05/2017 00:57

I think you need to be careful here. DON'T confront him about his diary.

Keep logging things. He might change for a while, I'd give it more than a week as a PP above said, as he may keep it up for a few weeks, before slipping back to his old ways.

Consider that his about change might be meant to confuse you.

mathanxiety · 06/05/2017 01:02

I agree with CouldntMakeThisShitUp. There is no way the ingrained habit of so many years could possibly change so fast.

Do not reveal what you have found.

Is there a chance he has found this thread?

Jux · 06/05/2017 01:10

Please don't tell him what you found, unles you are in a session and your counsellor can help you with it. Don't do it.

Realitea · 06/05/2017 07:43

Ok I will wait until the next session. I am hoping this new considerate behaviour lasts

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 06/05/2017 07:56

Don't do it at all. Please.

Motoko · 06/05/2017 10:47

No, don't do it at all. He'll turn it around on you and use your "snooping" to his own advantage.

ENFJ · 06/05/2017 10:56

second that. the whole session will be focused on your lack of respect for him/his privacy!!!!!

Realitea · 06/05/2017 12:25

It was only a work diary though, not a private one..

OP posts:
Jux · 06/05/2017 13:00

I agree with others, don't do it at all atm. When I said 'unless' what I really meant was 'at least', which changes my meaning. Sorry I gave you the wrong advice.

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