Last week I was "unfriended" by a woman I've been best friends with IRL for 8 years. We were very close and I loved her lots but our friendship wasn't without difficulty. She was a good-hearted, sensitive, cheeky and funny woman. We had that kind of friendship where we'd just be texting each other silly things all day...but I soon learned she had this kind of "yo-yo" personality. One minute she'd be her normal, happy self; then at some point she'd switch and become distant. Then I wouldn't be able to get hold of her at all, any plans we made would become cancelled and I just felt pushed away.
It was clear she was fighting her own demons. When she was unhappy, communication would become poor and she'd just send these moody one-word texts or she'd backhandedly write something online, rather than confront the situation. I can't say I'm perfect either. I've always been rather anxious and wanted to keep the peace, but I think she felt like I was being intrusive. The more she'd shut me out, the more I pushed for a conversation and I guess I seemed clingy at times.
So I did something stupid. I confided in another friend (not someone she knows, but a long-distance friend who works as a counselor). I basically just wanted advice about my friend's "on/offness". It was supposed to be a private conversation on Skype, but like the total idiot that I am, I accidentally added my friend into the chat. She saw the whole thing and I was devastated. Even though I wasn't outright trash-talking, I was still discussing her behaviour in a fairly invasive way, saying things like "she tends to deal with her problems passive-aggressively, she's fickle, she's very flaky" etc. I didn't even name her, but but she guessed it was about her. She must have felt so violated.
She reacted by posting a string of angry statuses about betrayal and backstabbing on Facebook, then shortly after she deleted her account. I felt unbelievably guilty. She wouldn't answer the phone so I sent this very lengthy apologetic letter via email saying how sorry I was for hurting her and trying to explain myself. She replied saying that I didn't understand her at all and she wouldn't be able to trust me again. A week later, I still felt terrible. It was only last week she'd been so kind to me and cooked me dinner when I was feeling upset. I sent her a funny apology card to her house. She replied with a small 'thank you' but nothing more. Then she just started ignoring me completely for the next month. I thought after a while, she'd cool down, but last week she reactivated her Facebook again and unfriended me and my sister.
It's all so messy and heartbreaking. I know I shouldn't have sought advice int that way. I keep thinking about all the good times and all the things we've been through together, but all she thinks of now is the fact I'm a "betrayer", and it hurts to think all our memories are now tarnished.
Has anyone ever been unfriended like this before? Did you ever work things out?