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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner going away for weekend leaving me with all the kids.

131 replies

Styleangel · 20/04/2017 20:25

No it's not a crime going away with the lads for a 50th party of course not, I'm just feeling apprehensive as his 2 are 11 and 13 and difficult mine are 11 and 14 and can also be difficult. There was a lot of trouble with his dcs about a year ago, they told their mum they didn't like me, I didn't do their washing on time or cook the right things etc etc. Their mum tried to cause trouble and nearly split us up, so I'm feeling a little vulnerable not sure if that's the wrong word! The thing is though, it's his lack of empathy he says it's a piece of piss looking after 4 kids, I don't feel it is. If anything comes up on a weekend I have the dcs I don't go I may go on a night out but not a whole weekend. He on the other hand says he has to go and that's that. I'm not being selfish I'm not stopping him go but I feel really down about it. I'm wishing the weekend over with 😔

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 21/04/2017 21:03

You can do a lot better than this. He's awful. Wouldn't you rather be on your own with your DC than deal with this crap?

HelenaDove · 21/04/2017 23:06

"he does help out he's not totally irresponsible"

There are those two words again "help out" The male get out clause.

Its not helping out Its parenting and housework IN THE PLACE WHERE HE LIVES.

HelenaDove · 21/04/2017 23:13

Having caught up with the thread hes an irresponsible pisshead to boot What a surprise Hmm

Wonder what the posters who were defending him will say now. Nothing probably As drinking is de rigeur on MN.

Original poster
Styleangel · 22/04/2017 08:18

To be honest I feel like not being here when he comes home, but not sure how to do that, it's not really fair on the kids

OP posts:
ocelot7 · 22/04/2017 08:32

Hope you are managing with the kids Style
Sound's like a weekend apart has been good in a way as its given you time to think...

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/04/2017 08:39

Not there for good, like actually moved out?

Or not waiting with a ribbon in your hair to welcome his lordship home? It's this isn't it? That's your idea of a daring protest? Does he have sulks and tantrums?

Original poster
Styleangel · 22/04/2017 08:40

I'm managing with the kids and I have a good day planned for us all, tbh it's become not about that anymore as I am capable, it's more his attitude!

OP posts:
Christinayangstwistedsista · 22/04/2017 08:51

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, why don't you spend the weekend thinking about what you get out of this

A drunk who isn't nice is never a good father or partner

Msqueen33 · 22/04/2017 09:05

He sounds like a pig. His attitude stinks. Maybe you need to stand up to the 13 year old and if she calls her mum so be it. This sounds like the tip of the iceberg to be honest.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/04/2017 09:09

I think this weekend and his stinking attitude about it will be a turning point for you op. Makes you wonder why his ex is so bitter towards him doesn't it?

You sound like a strong and sensible woman. You've been through so much with your mum and dad and you've not had the strength to think about this. But now he's forced you to get a wake up call.

You'll be fine without him. Better than fine. Great!

AppleOfMyEye10 · 22/04/2017 09:28

Yet another woman choosing to be in this situation and then complaining about it. Hmm

You are not married, you don't have children together so why are you choosing to stay??

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 22/04/2017 09:43

I've come to the conclusion that "good Dad" actually translates to "takes a passing interest in the kids".

Why is the bar set so low? OP how can you possibly say he's a "good Dad" when he doesn't live with this kids and is fucking off for a weekend on the piss, missing an opportunity to see them? If he's such a "good Dad" why isn't he rearranging their visit so that he doesn't miss any time with them? Or - even more shocking - perhaps swerving the piss-up weekend as it would mean not seeing his kids?

"Good Dad" my arse. Raise your expectations.

expatinscotland · 22/04/2017 13:11

'To be honest I feel like not being here when he comes home, but not sure how to do that, it's not really fair on the kids'

He's not really fair at all. You could do so much better. 'Good dad' my arse. 'Helps out'.

ocelot7 · 22/04/2017 13:31

Except that I guess you have arranged to collect him from where you dropped him :(

How much did you discuss how things would work re children & chores before moving together? I would imagine lots - or maybe you envisaged an equitable partnership & he envisaged you doing nearly everything?!

HmmOkay · 22/04/2017 13:31

How lovely of him to 'help out' with his own children twice a fortnight. Really nice of him to give you a hand with them. Except when he doesn't because he's off getting pissed of course.

What a guy.

To me "good dad" on here means a man who has lined a woman up to look after his children while he fucks off. Because that is the context in which it would usually be said on here.

What did he do about weekend access before he met you, OP? I am going to take a wild stab in the dark that he palmed the kids off onto his mother. Or another woman.

Original poster
Styleangel · 22/04/2017 23:26

My dsd is using her dad's I pad and of course it's linked with his phone. So there's pictures and video of them yes enjoying themselves but with other women too 😔 Not what I wanted to see!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/04/2017 23:28

Please bin him! FFS.

CookieLady · 22/04/2017 23:58

Get rid of him. What a waste of space. Grr.

HelenaDove · 23/04/2017 00:10

Hes a fucking user. LTB!

Timeforteaplease · 23/04/2017 10:02

So some girls were invited - but not you? That's shit.

Msqueen33 · 23/04/2017 10:12

Who are these women? Partners of some of the blokes?

Cricrichan · 23/04/2017 10:31

So he's out jollying with his friends and women whilst you're at home looking after everyone? And on top of that he says that it's easy?

Yes, it's acceptable that couples sometimes go away for a special occasion but the fact that it was his weekend to have the kids means that even if he really needed to go away, he should check with you and be really appreciative that you were willing to look after his kids.

Regarding the issues your kids have with you - he should sort that out and deal with the practical side of having his kids. If it causes an argument so be it, but why should you have to bend over backwards looking after people who you've no responsibility to look after and nobody even appreciates it?

Honestly, get rid or go back to living separately.

Original poster
Styleangel · 23/04/2017 12:33

Oh no, no partners were there, I mean just women that were there too, dancing with them and chatting, I know it's no crime but it makes u feel like shit when your at home with the kids. He's on his way home now, he knows I've seen these pics etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Styleangel · 23/04/2017 12:35

It wouldn't of been such a big deal if it was a kids free weekend, however I still would of felt shit if I'd of seen them

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/04/2017 13:19

Look, Style, he treats you like shit. He knows you'll put up with it. Because you do.