Aibu - to expect his ex not to text as much ?

[Crazy4me123]

The title says it all really.
Firstly - I am aware they have young children and a certain amount of contact is needed - I always have excepted that as I have a child too.

Lately though the texts have been a lot more frequent - to the point that his phone goes off four or five time during an evening with me. He doesn't respond whilst with me !

I have to admit the other evening whilst he was out of the room I did check through his messages - she texts randomly, not daily but more than needed. She'll use him as a shoulder to cry on or for advice, or just someone to talk to and he is happy to oblige and engage in conversation. Reams of messages and mainly nothing child related.

Should I be unsettled by this ? Or is it normal.
He will iniate conversation sometimes, following up how she is or asking about things ?

[Darbs76]

If the messages aren't flirty then no problem really. It's good for the children they get on

[Crazy4me123]

It was the amount rather than the content that was unsettling me.

[TreeTop7]

I'm on okay terms with my ex and I still function as his accountant - we spoke about his tax return this morning, in fact.

However, we only really text about the DCs or his tax - no chitchat. I wouldn't discuss personal problems with him. We're cordial but we're not "mates".

[NeverTwerkNaked]

I would be unsettled too. ExH and I will message about kids as needed. same with my DP and his ex.
Your DP needs to do his ex a favour and stop letting her lean on him so she can move on. It is also totally understandable that it is making you uneasy.

[Crazy4me123]

Thank you.
I'm very supportive of him as a dad and understand that they need to parent well but I do feel that she shouldn't be leaning so often and he should perhaps not be there all the time to share her woes etc.

[QueenArseClangers]

He's playing you like a fiddle love.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

^^ what she said!

[user1471558436]

Sounds like they are friends. Which is positive for everyone.

[Crazy4me123]

Thank you - I have decided that I shall have to talk to my partner and see where he sees us going ... I imagine it's more than just the texts that are bugging me ..
as I've said all along I want them to be friendly but I don't feel that him listening to her troubles Late at night or at work etc are needed now they've split.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

I totally agree. And he's doing her a disservice and she should be encouraged to move on with her life and not continually lean on him.
Also, even when DP ex does ring (about kids) he sits next to me on the sofa while he chats to her (his choice) which means it all feels open.

[happypoobum]

In your opening post you say they don't text daily.

If you have a problem with their contact you need to tell him or ship out.

I also think it is very odd that you haven't met the DC and agree with PP that you could be a "holding girlfriend"

Sorry