Need to tell parents to leave us alone but so awkward and horrible

[SallyHandsom]

NC but long-time MN users.

Me and DH moved back to the city where we grew up last year after nearly 10 years living far away. We didn't know each other growing up and our parents didn't know each other. Massive co-incidence when we met at university.

Over the last 10 years me and DH have developed a lovely life together. We're very insular and we've both distanced ourselves from our parents and been much happier for it. We haven't fallen out but we called less often and would call them out if they were being out of order when we did speak.

Anyway, me and DH both got new jobs in/near the city we grew up. So we moved back. But parents have been gradually increasing contact and sort of piercing the lovely bubble that me and DH have built around us for the last 10 years. We're arguing much more because there are other people involved in the relationship.

But, parents coming over more regularly isn't the problem per se. The issue is that we're now finding ourselves much more involved in wider family things. In 2017, we've lost loads of weekends to family stuff we've not wanted to do but have gone along with to be polite.

Basically, we want to distance ourselves, get our old life back but it's awkward and we're not sure how. I don't want to lie ("we're busy this weekend") because that isn't addressing the issue but it's rude to just tell people we don't want to hang out with them. But, we're in this area for the long-haul and we want to establish the sort of life we want to live here for the next 20 years.

So, how can we establish a bit of distance without coming across like rude buggers?

Blimey, OP, are you me?! My DH is worse than me, but over the years, we've just told parents that he just doesn't want to do xyz, which amazes my parents, but they've come to expect.

My strategy, when invited to my cousin's musical evenings (I'm always told I'd love it is to laugh disbelieving.y and say 'No, no, I wouldn't.' It becomes lots easier with practice. We no longer get asked to stuff, or we're told and not expected to attend. I too would rather spend time with just the dh.

My device is to be consistent, every single time and only ever agree to attend something that suits you. Be firm!

Very similar here. DH and I both like socialising, but only as and when we want to. I end up driving to most social occasions - not because I don't enjoy a drink, but because I like the security of knowing that I can leave under my own steam as and when I need to. I can go very quickly from feeling like the life and soul of the party, to needing to be at home.

The only way to deal with this is to say no, simply and unequivocally. There's no point in tying yourself up with lies, excuses and vagueness, as all that happens is that you end up feeling backed into a corner and guilty. It's very freeing to be able to say 'no thanks' and nothing further then change the subject.