Talk to me about sex with a new partner

[NoCapes]

If you left a long term relationship, what was sex like the first time after that?

I left an abusive 9 year relationship last year and have recently been seeing someone new (some of you may have read my threads before, tiz possible I share too much of my life on here )

We haven't had sex yet, there has been an oppurtunity or 2 but I have backed out because I am utterly shitting myself at the thought

When I met ExP I was young blonde and hot (sorry but I was) I'm now not as young, and 3 massive babies have completely ruined my body
I felt fine having sex with the ex because he saw what my body was, and he knew that I only look like this now because I had babies, his babies
But GEG (the new man) doesn't know this, he will only have ever seen me naked now in this new body that isn't mine and isn't very attractive
The thought of him seeing my boobs makes me go a bit cold tbh

Has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you get over it?
Do I need to just bite the bullet? Or am I just not ready?
If it was the right guy would I even be worrying about this?

So many questions

If he's right he won't care. Honestly if he's right the right man he will be blown away that he's getting sex with you and I guarantee he won't care that your bod isn't perfect

Do you think his is? I ran I'm sure he doesn't look like he did when he was 22 and I'm sure he has moments of self doubt.

Hope it's fab. 😜☺️😉

And breathe.

Learn how to relax, it'll be much more fun, remember that he may be nervous too and it will be utterly evident if he is. And if so he will feel dreadful, most likely.

If it doesn't work, better to learn soon.

Gosh he's a man. He won't care about anything other than the fact he gets to sleep with you. He'll love it. As PP said, I doubt he's in the same shape as his younger self either. Go for it, it will do your confidence wonders

He will not give a damn. He knows you've had 3 kids. He's going to be thrilled he's getting to have sex with a woman he fancies.

I'm just watching this thread because I feel exactly the same, and I don't even have a new partner yet, and this is a huge part of it - lack of body confidence.
So good luck & if it feels right...hopefully you'll know!

This is just how i feel too!

I am old. Dp is older I was married for ages so was he.

I am fat and grumpy and fifty.

FRUMPY but grumpy works too. 😂😂

Best. Sex ever.

I went through this with my now dp. Obviously didn't scare him off as we're still together six years on. Took us three months with one or two dates a week to finally get into bed together. He didn't care. He didn't have the perfect body either and I didn't care. Guess you just have to go for it.

I understand how you feel op. I remember reading on one of the dating threads that a MNer had had sex with a new guy and felt a bit insecure about it. Then he sent her a text asking why her tummy was so saggy

I think a decent person won't be so shallow. I think the key is to make sure you trust him before having sex with him.

Don't put sex as the priority or think about what he will think or not think. Overthinking will kill any passion.
Let it happen naturally. Lots of snogging and fondling. Remember those days!!! the first time they got to first base, first time the hand slid up the skirt etc. Exciting times weren't they?

Relive them again.

I recall thinking that I'd feel a bit self conscious about c section scar and weird Swelled up poochy bit above it . When the time came I didn't give it a second thought and dp was nothing but complimentary

He won't care ! Enjoy it !!

It'll be fine, when you're ready 💐

Clothes (sadly) aren't so fabulous that you have no idea about a person's body shape before you remove them.

If you think he's a lovely bloke & he 'does it for you' just let a glass or two of alcohol nature take it's course.

IF (and it's only microscopically likely to happen) it all goes downhill when you get down & dirty, then you might as well know now & stop wasting time! What is waiting going to achieve at this point?

It's not lack of firm bodies that men don't like, its lack of self confidence.

I'd been married 15 years when my then husband decided a 28 year old girlfriend was better than a 40 year old wife. 🙄 He also liked to tell me I was fat and had a big bum. I weighed 8 stone...

My now fiancé met me a couple of years after that. He thought I was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen. He knew I had 3 kids by C section, and was a kind, loving man who didn't expect me to look like a playboy model but a normal woman who's had children, likes wine and crisps a bit too much and as a single, working mum didn't do much anything in the way of exercise.

Sex is, and has been, amazing. 99% of attraction is in the brain IMO and if it's the right person and your head is in the right place it will be just fine.

Don't rush, don't feel pressured, do it when you're ready and not before. The likelihood is that he'll be so bloody chuffed to be naked with you he'll be smitten. Guys that think you should resemble an airbrushed, photoshopped instagram model aren't worth getting naked for. If he says ONE THING that makes you think "that's just hurtful" then walk out and walk away.

Have fun! And I remember your GEG thread and am really chuffed for you 👍😁

I have always though the biggest compliment a man could give you is an erection, obviously that's if your happy to receive it, as I compliment I mean.

From my own experience I have found that men that date women with kids know what they're getting themselves into from a physical point of view, actually like the imperfections and find them feminine and sexy.

Since having my 3 children I have slept with a man in his mid 20s and another in his 40s. Both have been very complimentary of the 'bits' I hate now, and it's actually made me much more confident.

Funnily enough, speaking to both of them afterwards, they were horribly nervous beforehand. But i can genuinely say I've never judged someone's body if I fancy them enough to sleep with them, and that's probably true for the majority of other people, women and men.

Go for it, enjoy it, and relax. Good knows you deserve some fun!

I worried about this after divorce. I have stretch marks, CS scar, 'apron' from CS, surgery scars, scars from an accident and had put on weight.

My first sex after ex was a tipsy ons with a VERY hot guy 10 years younger.

The sex was great and he wasn't at all bothered by any of the physical 'imperfections' in fact he was a work colleague and wanted to date me after, I didn't. But the sex was great (did I mention the sex was great? )

So graph

Was the sex ok then? 😁👀

Name change as ex follows me on here. I recently started sleeping with a new man. I have massive body confidence issues, always did, but having children made it much worse. The usual blancmange stomach, also varicose veins, breasts which still leak milk occasionally despite not bf in years. Dodgy hips which sieze during sex... I could go on... Anyway, and week or so before we DTD, I was a little shitfaced merry and ended up messaging him essentially a list of all the things I perceived as wrong with my body, asking if he was sure about it. He was puzzled. Pointed out that he was perfectly aware that I had children, that a lot of it was completely normal (though did agree that the hip thing was useful to know). That of course he wanted me and that he found my insecurity a little sweet if slightly baffling.

It has been amazing. Never had better sex. He actually doesn't seem to notice anything wrong and appreciates my body enough for me not to notice it's flaws when I'm with him. It will be fine! Go for it...

User... is spot on OP. Be confident. Know he fancies you and enjoy it! Do what ever you need to to feel confident. If, for the first time that means good lighting, wearing something you feel amazing in, whatever, just don't say one thing about lack of confidence in your body. He will love it and won't even notice the things you're focused on.

Capes I followed the GEG thread and really happy for you that you're seeing him!

I have the same worries with my new OLD interest. I've also gained weight recently from medication, so I can't even blame DCs! I was in better shape when my youngest was 1 than I am now! So I'm enjoying reading this and hope is giving you more confidence.

As PPs have said, I think we're both over thinking it, and most men won't care. And if they do care, they're not great men.

It's tricky having confidence when you don't feel your body is as you would like it to be, but I'm aiming for faking confidence to get me pat the first hurdle, and I do believe what's been said here that confidence in a woman is a bigger turn on that a perfect body.

Go forth and enjoy!

Am so pleased things seem to be going well for you (and GEG). Long time lurker here from your old threads.

I was with my partner for 11 years, started off young, slim, blonde and gorgeous (those were the days!) and left with a couple of extra stone, stretch marks and a ds. After 3 years on my own, my new partner (been together 3 years now) doesn't care at all about the extra bits of me. Be confident, slap a big smile on your face and enjoy yourself

Ahhh the stretchmarks, the c section scars the not so firm tits. I call them the scars of womanhood :)

As everyone else has said ...He won't care about your wobbly bits ...honest. A decent man will love just being with you . If you feel really insecure , let him know . Communicate with him about your anxieties. If he is the right one he will be gentle ,attentive & understanding . Go enjoy

I'm overweight, with stretchmarks and saggy tum and boobs like spaniels ears! My bf is in much better shape. He adores me and appears to fancy the pants off me. My huge bum? He loves it!! Oh, the sex is amazing!!!!!