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Original poster

Talk to me about sex with a new partner

93 replies

NoCapes · 03/04/2017 22:32

If you left a long term relationship, what was sex like the first time after that?

I left an abusive 9 year relationship last year and have recently been seeing someone new (some of you may have read my threads before, tiz possible I share too much of my life on here Blush )

We haven't had sex yet, there has been an oppurtunity or 2 but I have backed out because I am utterly shitting myself at the thought

When I met ExP I was young blonde and hot (sorry but I was) I'm now not as young, and 3 massive babies have completely ruined my body
I felt fine having sex with the ex because he saw what my body was, and he knew that I only look like this now because I had babies, his babies
But GEG (the new man) doesn't know this, he will only have ever seen me naked now in this new body that isn't mine and isn't very attractive
The thought of him seeing my boobs makes me go a bit cold tbh

Has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you get over it?
Do I need to just bite the bullet? Or am I just not ready?
If it was the right guy would I even be worrying about this?

So many questions Blush

OP posts:
Rednailsandnaeknickers · 07/04/2017 23:20

I read the GEG thread and am delighted you are still seeing him!

No other advice from what's already been said, so hopefully next instalment will be you looking like this:
GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

FromBigCityToTinyVillage · 09/04/2017 20:02

Also read the GEG thread! So happy for you! You deserve a man that treats you properly x

TheConstantCakeEater · 09/04/2017 21:01

Hope all is going well for you Capes

Original poster
NoCapes · 09/04/2017 21:04

Ah thanks Smile

He was lovely (obviously, he always bloody is!) and basically said he'd thought that was the reason I was hesitant and not to worry and just take my time basically

How can one person be this lovely?!

OP posts:
FromBigCityToTinyVillage · 09/04/2017 21:12

That's lovely Capes .. hope it's put your mind at rest! He really does sound lovely.

WishIhadaGEG · 09/04/2017 21:19

Lucky lucky you OP. You deserve this after what you have said about your previous relationship. You give hope to us all!!!

And hang onto your GEG, he sounds perfect I'm sure there must be some flaws there, probably farts in bedGrin

WishIhadaGEG · 09/04/2017 21:20

Delete fail there. Cat interfering. Yes I am now single crazy cat lady ....

Original poster
NoCapes · 09/04/2017 21:22

GEG I've just noticed your username 😂

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 09/04/2017 21:23

I remember having sex with dh for the first time after dating and due to ex's abuse over
My tummy and how I was different having sex post baby. I was highly conscious about it, I had a drink that night to relax and DH then BF was lovely we have a fantastic sex life and he accepted me for who I was.

WishIhadaGEG · 09/04/2017 21:33

Haha yes I changed it a few weeks ago. I never keep a name for long. Your thread inspired me to start thinking forward rather than looking back. I've not been with a different man than exH for a looooooong time.

And my hedge needs trimming so who knows....Wink

Yes, actual fir hedge in my garden. Grin

TheConstantCakeEater · 09/04/2017 21:36
Smile
lemureyes · 26/04/2017 14:20

How is it going Capes?
Followed your GEG threads and am delighted that you two are still together 😀

PinkHotel · 27/04/2017 06:54

I find threads like this utterly baffling because this has been the absolute opposite of my experience.

My post baby body has been a distinct issue in pretty much every encounter I've had since separating whether it be a short lived FWB or an 11 month relationship.

My once 34-24-35 figure has expanded to 40-31-41. I don't think I look 'bad', just bigger. After a 14 year long almost entirely sexless and loveless marriage, I was quite excited about getting out there again. I felt reasonably sexy,, reasonably confident and 'womanly'.

So I wasn't bogged down hugely with fears of what men would think of me. I'd been told that feeling self confident was the key and I knew that I could at least fake it until I made it. And yet I've had men telling me directly that I was too fat and how much weight I should lose; men who weren't so rude as to tell me outright, but were clearly put off by me; didn't want to look at me or particularly touch me, or even really 'see' me. This sounds like an awful lot of men! Grin It wasn't, but enough.

I just don't get any of this "he loves me and my wobbly bits and my scars..." etc, etc, etc. I've not had anyone compliment my body since I was far younger and slimmer. Oh no, sorry, I've just remembered that my 11 month boyfriend said I was, "soft and warm". Which was the best thing he could find to say about me.

And no, none of these men were 'perfect'. But none of them were arrogant wankers either. They were just ordinary men who found the sight of my naked, late 30s/early 40s post baby body unpleasant.

But it came as quite a shock to me that men would find me as physically unattractive as they clearly do. I wasn't prepared for that.

Camperdine · 27/04/2017 07:36

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Threes3 · 27/04/2017 07:47

You latter two have just me the wrong type of man.

PinkHotel · 27/04/2017 08:19

I don't think so, 3.

I'm not as fit as Camper, but my boobs are good, I don't have any stretchmarks, I swim, hill walk and do yoga so I'm reasonably fit. I had 2 small babies so no loose skin or puckered tummy, no real overhang from one, just a little 'tummy'.

I'm a professional, I have hobbies a few good friends and all of that... I click with people on an intellectual, social and personal level, but when it comes down to getting naked, they are not attracted to me.

I haven't met the wrong type of man, these are just ordinary men. I'm trying to accept being single now but it is a bit crap.

FrenchLavender · 27/04/2017 08:26

Next time you feel it might be the moment for DTD just tell him how you feel. Open up about your insecurities. He will probably kiss you all over from head to toe to stretch marks to saggy boobs and tell you that every inch of you is beautiful. If he doesn't then he's not worth staying with so at least you will know where you stand before you invest too much more time in him.

FrenchLavender · 27/04/2017 08:28

Oops sorry, seen you've had that chat now.

MillyMoo1113 · 27/04/2017 08:34

You will be fine, relax and a couple of drinks will help!

I've recently come out of an 18 year EA marriage, am now seeing someone nearly half my age, I've two kids with a c section overhang and currently one boob bigger than other(whole other thread).

The sex is great, he is not remotely bothered by any of my insecurities, and like PP have said, if he's right, he will think your body is amazing because you are.

I remember your GEG thread, good luck!!

noego · 27/04/2017 08:39

I have a few DP's. They are all different and none of them are (hate this term) buff. But they are great people with lovely personalities and characters. That is much more attractive in my eyes than the perfect body.

Camperdine · 27/04/2017 08:40

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Camperdine · 27/04/2017 08:41

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PinkHotel · 27/04/2017 12:09

Tbh, I've wondered whether confidence is more of a deterrent than anything. Don't get me wrong, I'm not actually all that confident, but I try not to let it show.

I think if I were obviously lacking in confidence and a man felt that he could rescue me and all that, then I might find it easier maybe.

It's almost seemed on occasion that they have been affronted that I'm no apologising for myself. Like they're happy to tolerate a slightly overweight, less attractive woman as long as she insecure along with it.

Camperdine · 27/04/2017 12:22

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Arealhumanbeing · 27/04/2017 19:14

PinkHotel Camperdine

If you don't mind me jumping on to ask?

Did these guys actually insult you/comment on your body. Or was it a feeling you got?