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Original poster

Opinions please - is it 'improper' to have the phone numbers of your 17 year old sons 4 best friends on your phone?

123 replies

thegirlfromthehill · 01/04/2017 14:12

Hello :)
I'd love to get some feedback on this one please. My partner is going mad because I have the mobile numbers of my 17 year old son's four best friends on my phone. I have explained that they are there for emergencies only - but he says that this is 'improper, undignified' and that I am 'humiliating him' by having these numbers.He won't even countenance me keeping them in a diary somewhere - not that I have conceded to taking them off my phone at all, because I believe that I am, in fact, being a responsible parent by having them in the first place.

But what do you all think? I am behaving improperly, or responsibly, by doing this?

My partner and I have been together for 3 years - he has no children whereas I have two super teenage sons, who have done nothing but support my relationship with my partner.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts )

OP posts:
soundsystem · 01/04/2017 14:37

Unless there's some massively backstory, he sounds nuts!

My children are younger but my mum had my friends numbers in her phone when I was that age. Perfectly normal and sensible!

WitchSharkadder · 01/04/2017 14:38

Oh my word, he is being ridiculous. I think it's perfectly sensible in case there's ever a need for 'DS didn't come home last night, have you seen him' type situation. A reaction like that from a partner would be a huge red flag for me.

Original poster
thegirlfromthehill · 01/04/2017 14:38

Thanks all for confirming what I already knew - there is nothing wrong with my approach and it is batshit!!

And guess what - no, I am not 'allowed' to have any males' phone numbers on my phone other than work related ...

OP posts:
Redglitter · 01/04/2017 14:40

You're 'humiliating' him by having the numbers? Hmm You're being a responsible patent.

He's completely unreasonable. I wouldn't put up with anyone telling me what numbers I can have in my phone

SleepingTiger · 01/04/2017 14:41

I could only assume your partner has an inappropriate interest in 17 year olds and is projecting insanely.

I thought that too.

BertrandRussell · 01/04/2017 14:43

Run. Run like the wind!

HerOtherHalf · 01/04/2017 14:47

Big red flag that he's a control freak and a prick. It's perfectly normal to want to be able to contact our children's close friends in an emergency or when we can't reach our child. It is also not remotely humiliating for your partner except in his own warped mind - why are you worrying he might be right rather getting angry at the implied suggestion you might have sexual interest in your son's friends? Also, why does he even know what numbers you have on your phone? Put him in his place, which hopefully is on the other side of your front door.

ScarlettFreestone · 01/04/2017 14:48

You aren't allowed to have men's phone numbers?

I never say this but sweetheart, get rid.

This is not demonstrating a healthy relationship model to your DS.

sucue · 01/04/2017 14:49

He's massively overstepping the mark, 3 years you say?

How long has he been monitoring your phone?

thebakerwithboobs · 01/04/2017 14:49

Get rid. Quickly. I have six sons and numbers of all their nearest and dearest in case anything happens to my sons! I also have loads of numbers of their parents-many of which are Dads. Your husband would have a coronary, now I think about it, I also have the postman's number in case we have parcels and we are out as we are so far from the sorting office.

PossumInAPearTree · 01/04/2017 14:52

Wow. I don't "allow" my dh of 20 years to tell me what I am allowed and what I'm not allowed. No way would I put up with that from a dp of 3 years.

HerOtherHalf · 01/04/2017 14:52

I am not 'allowed' to have any males' phone numbers on my phone other than work related

Get the hell out of this relationship while you still can. Seen this attitude too many times and it is always the tip of a very nasty iceberg.

HelenaGWells · 01/04/2017 14:55

Wow, get rid of this jealous controlling asshole. It's absolutely fine, sensible and totally not an issue.

TiredCluelessMummy · 01/04/2017 14:56

I am not 'allowed' to have any males' phone numbers on my phone other than work related

Massive, huge, flashing neon warning sign right there ^^ The fact that this would extend to paranoia over the perfectly normal and sensible decision to keep note of your children's friends' contact details is just another level of bonkers.

I've never ever given an LTB before but you can have my first! 3 years in is still early days. You should be having a ball. Not having to explain yourself to him like this. Your boys sound lovely to be so accommodating and supportive of your relationship. They want you to be happy. They obviously feel that you deserve to be happy. So do it for them.

TheNaze73 · 01/04/2017 14:57

Flip it & if you'd be happy with the same, then you have your answer. I think he's being a twat

Squeegle · 01/04/2017 14:59

I think it is time to say goodbye to this one, he obviously has massive insecurity issues.

GahBuggerit · 01/04/2017 14:59

Yep get rid, he's projecting. Urgh

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/04/2017 15:02

thegirlfromthehill,

re your comment:-

"And guess what - no, I am not 'allowed' to have any males' phone numbers on my phone other than work related ..."

Big red flag there, huge red flag actually. You were targeted by this individual as well, he saw something with you he could and has indeed exploited to his own ends.

You need to get this controlling individual out of your life asap because he is curtailing your very freedom. Controlling behaviour like this is actually abusive behaviour. Abuse is about wanting power and control over the other person; this individual wants absolute. He wants you in a cage of his own paranoid making.

My guess is that he is and has been controlling you in other ways as well, abuse like this is truly insidious in its onset. Do not continue to be the boiling frog in the pan of water. Do read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft; he is in those pages.

He is also an appalling role model for your sons. Your sons likely have the measure of him as well, for their sake too you need to get rid.

He will not likely go easily but you must get him gone. Men like this can take an awful long time, years even, to recover from. I would suggest you enrol on Womens Aid Freedom Programme asap too.

BubblingUp · 01/04/2017 15:02

I have my son's friends' phone numbers in my phone, too.

ijustwannadance · 01/04/2017 15:03

But I bet he can have anyone he fucking likes in his contact list!

Original poster
thegirlfromthehill · 01/04/2017 15:03

Thanks all - I'm not giving in to this one. He's made too many other demands some of which I have - to my shame - given in to. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship will understand. I've told him why the numbers are there, that it is perfectly normal and responsible, and they are staying. So he'a given me an ultimatum - 'the numbers go, or you go...'

OP posts:
HotelEuphoria · 01/04/2017 15:04

I also have some of my DS's friends numbers in my phone, and also in the landline memory. I have some of their parents too if they have been friends for many years.

I also have DDs friends' numbers, even a couple from uni that I have only met a few times.

I never ring them and they never call me, but they have been offered before and I have them as emergency numbers. Why wouldnt you?

Your partner is definitely seeing these boys as competition, which is frankly weird.

PossumInAPearTree · 01/04/2017 15:04

Why don't you give him an ultimatum "fuck off by tea time" should do it.

PossumInAPearTree · 01/04/2017 15:05

What other demands have you given into?

Do you live together?

ImperialBlether · 01/04/2017 15:05

ScarlettFreestone, you say, I never say this but sweetheart, get rid.

How on earth can you go on the Relationships threads and NOT say that at least once a day?!

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